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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 392506" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>Some ideas here, not necessarily in total agreement with others, but I feel all views are worth expressing and you can take or leave stuff, depending on how well (or not) it seems to fit.</p><p></p><p>First - these kids have had a rough start, it would be understandable for there to be attachment issues as well as a lot of anger issues. Let's assume for now that bio-mom did not use/abuse drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. Even if she was completely clean (or was not, but miraculously the kids have dodged that bullet) you still have the problem of the early physical abuse/emotional neglect coupled with their anger NOW that their bio-mom doesn't seem to care enough about them to get clean. It sends a message to the kids that they are just not worth it, and this alone would fuel a vast amount of anger as well as poor self-esteem. What these kids need is unconditional love and support, but by being difficult, this girl is constantly testing the limits of your love (and her father's) almost trying to trigger a self-fulfillnig prophecy. What she most needs in therapy, is help in understanding she is loved and lovable, even when she's being horrible.</p><p></p><p>Next - there could well be other underlying disorders here complicating the picture. The sensory issues do sound legit to me, I don't think she's choosing to be difficult. However, when she is more anxious or more upset, she is less able to cope with sensory issues and hence what she ate yesterday is not acceptable today, if she is more upset. Also from my experience, my own difficult children (especially easy child 2/difficult child 2 ad now mother in law) would refuse to eat the same related meal on consecutive days. For example, I might have roast chicken on Monday night. That meant Tuesday I had to cook beef, or sausages, or lamb. Something completely different.</p><p></p><p>What I usually try to do food-wise (difficult child 3 is a lot more forgiving) is if I have chicken on Monday, I might make a chicken risotto on Tuesday or chicken supreme, each of which uses leftover roast chicken. Or I might make chicken and avocado sandwiches for lunch.</p><p></p><p>Problems we've had with food - texture. difficult child 3 won't touch creamy textures, although he will now eat mayonnaise on his sandwiches. But last night I whipped some cream with vanilla and sugar, and gave him a taste. He pulled a face and refused any more (but hey, he tried it - we've come a long way). easy child 2/difficult child 2 won't eat anything with "bits" in it. So only plain biscuits (I stopped baking biscuits and brownies) unless the bits are pure chocolate. Mostly, she will ONLY eat creamy stuff. </p><p></p><p>Like you, I modify what I make for the best compromise for individual tastes. I might cook a stew, for example, but puree the vegetables before I put the meat in to cook on a very low heat. Then to serve, I carefully remove chunks of meat for difficult child 3, cook a few extra plain steamed vegetables for him then serve the rest for the others.</p><p></p><p>We have found a lot of things that helped over the years, I will go into more detail when you ask for it (because I need to be specific). But the food faddishness is usually genuine.</p><p></p><p>With leftover cooked turkey - I sympathise with your daughter. It is much nicer when it is fresh; reheated is never the same. I personally do not like reheated poultry, unless it is carefully reheated in the microwave. Even then, I can't eat it as if it is the same meal as it was the night before. But you can turn it into something she might accept (such as risotto or supreme - I can give you the recipes). </p><p></p><p>Fighting over food is not good. But the kids do need to eat a balanced meal, and it does need to be something they like. If their likes are too narrow, then they need to be expanded (again - I have systems that worked for us). But until then, we did accommodate them for the sake of peace in some areas of our lives at least, and as a starting point. We of course did not stay there, although we did for years. However, we have come a long way with all our kids and difficult child 3 especially is amazing in what he will now eat, compared to how he used to be. Interesting, easy child 2/difficult child 2 is still the faddiest eater, but she now heads her own household and is no longer my problem!</p><p></p><p>We are now looking after mother in law's meals, mostly, and I am seeing a lot of easy child 2/difficult child 2's eating problems again. I'm having to get inventive again only this time I can't tell her, "If you don't eat what I prepared for you, there's no dessert." I'm cooking in her house!</p><p></p><p>We had chicken two nights ago. We had fish last night. That means I can cook with the leftover chicken tonight. In fact, I have to cut this post short so I can get down to her house and begin cooking a chicken risotto, using chicken leftover from the roast. She will not touch leftover chicken, not even for sandwiches, although she will happily eat a chicken sandwich I prepare for her.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I really do feel sure I know where my kids got their GFGness from!</p><p></p><p>Anyway, welcome and ask me for more specific info if you want. But I have already written at length in past threads over the years, if you want to go looking in the meantime.</p><p></p><p>I would be getting your daughter checked out for possible Asperger's, too. Mind you, there are a lot of choices with her, when it comes to what could be wrong. But this should be on the list to check, at least. A number of things would explain what you report, but tis one seems to me to also fit the bill.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 392506, member: 1991"] Welcome. Some ideas here, not necessarily in total agreement with others, but I feel all views are worth expressing and you can take or leave stuff, depending on how well (or not) it seems to fit. First - these kids have had a rough start, it would be understandable for there to be attachment issues as well as a lot of anger issues. Let's assume for now that bio-mom did not use/abuse drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. Even if she was completely clean (or was not, but miraculously the kids have dodged that bullet) you still have the problem of the early physical abuse/emotional neglect coupled with their anger NOW that their bio-mom doesn't seem to care enough about them to get clean. It sends a message to the kids that they are just not worth it, and this alone would fuel a vast amount of anger as well as poor self-esteem. What these kids need is unconditional love and support, but by being difficult, this girl is constantly testing the limits of your love (and her father's) almost trying to trigger a self-fulfillnig prophecy. What she most needs in therapy, is help in understanding she is loved and lovable, even when she's being horrible. Next - there could well be other underlying disorders here complicating the picture. The sensory issues do sound legit to me, I don't think she's choosing to be difficult. However, when she is more anxious or more upset, she is less able to cope with sensory issues and hence what she ate yesterday is not acceptable today, if she is more upset. Also from my experience, my own difficult children (especially easy child 2/difficult child 2 ad now mother in law) would refuse to eat the same related meal on consecutive days. For example, I might have roast chicken on Monday night. That meant Tuesday I had to cook beef, or sausages, or lamb. Something completely different. What I usually try to do food-wise (difficult child 3 is a lot more forgiving) is if I have chicken on Monday, I might make a chicken risotto on Tuesday or chicken supreme, each of which uses leftover roast chicken. Or I might make chicken and avocado sandwiches for lunch. Problems we've had with food - texture. difficult child 3 won't touch creamy textures, although he will now eat mayonnaise on his sandwiches. But last night I whipped some cream with vanilla and sugar, and gave him a taste. He pulled a face and refused any more (but hey, he tried it - we've come a long way). easy child 2/difficult child 2 won't eat anything with "bits" in it. So only plain biscuits (I stopped baking biscuits and brownies) unless the bits are pure chocolate. Mostly, she will ONLY eat creamy stuff. Like you, I modify what I make for the best compromise for individual tastes. I might cook a stew, for example, but puree the vegetables before I put the meat in to cook on a very low heat. Then to serve, I carefully remove chunks of meat for difficult child 3, cook a few extra plain steamed vegetables for him then serve the rest for the others. We have found a lot of things that helped over the years, I will go into more detail when you ask for it (because I need to be specific). But the food faddishness is usually genuine. With leftover cooked turkey - I sympathise with your daughter. It is much nicer when it is fresh; reheated is never the same. I personally do not like reheated poultry, unless it is carefully reheated in the microwave. Even then, I can't eat it as if it is the same meal as it was the night before. But you can turn it into something she might accept (such as risotto or supreme - I can give you the recipes). Fighting over food is not good. But the kids do need to eat a balanced meal, and it does need to be something they like. If their likes are too narrow, then they need to be expanded (again - I have systems that worked for us). But until then, we did accommodate them for the sake of peace in some areas of our lives at least, and as a starting point. We of course did not stay there, although we did for years. However, we have come a long way with all our kids and difficult child 3 especially is amazing in what he will now eat, compared to how he used to be. Interesting, easy child 2/difficult child 2 is still the faddiest eater, but she now heads her own household and is no longer my problem! We are now looking after mother in law's meals, mostly, and I am seeing a lot of easy child 2/difficult child 2's eating problems again. I'm having to get inventive again only this time I can't tell her, "If you don't eat what I prepared for you, there's no dessert." I'm cooking in her house! We had chicken two nights ago. We had fish last night. That means I can cook with the leftover chicken tonight. In fact, I have to cut this post short so I can get down to her house and begin cooking a chicken risotto, using chicken leftover from the roast. She will not touch leftover chicken, not even for sandwiches, although she will happily eat a chicken sandwich I prepare for her. Sometimes I really do feel sure I know where my kids got their GFGness from! Anyway, welcome and ask me for more specific info if you want. But I have already written at length in past threads over the years, if you want to go looking in the meantime. I would be getting your daughter checked out for possible Asperger's, too. Mind you, there are a lot of choices with her, when it comes to what could be wrong. But this should be on the list to check, at least. A number of things would explain what you report, but tis one seems to me to also fit the bill. Marg [/QUOTE]
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