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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 205722" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>Hi overwhelmed,</p><p></p><p>I want to welcome you and let you know how glad I am you found this site. It is truly a great place with lots of caring and wise members who have helped me get through many rough times.</p><p></p><p>I don't have much time at the moment but want to tell you that your significant other's daughter is very lucky to have you in her life. I don't know what her diag is, but she definitely sounds like my oldest, difficult child 1, when he was her age. difficult child 1 didn't show any improvement in his behavior until we found the right combination of medication and changed how we parented him.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, parenting as we know it, doesn't work for our difficult children. First, we had to decide which behaviors needed to be changed. We decided to concentrate on safety issues. We ignored all of difficult child 1's poor behavior except for safety issues. Breaking rules to stay safe had huge consequences attached to them. </p><p></p><p>In our case, difficult child 1 is totally obsessed with his computer. So, if he engaged in unsafe behavior, he lost computer privaleges. I know you said that consequences don't seem to matter to your difficult child. However, there must be something that she holds near and dear. Find that one thing that is truly important to her and decide which behaviors you want to change first. Make doing or using this one thing contingent on the behavior you wish to change. </p><p></p><p>I think taking everything away from her just makes her more miserable and more angry. Try to concentrate on one behavior at a time. I know this is hard. I had days when I just wanted to EXPLODE!!!</p><p></p><p>I'll just briefly mention one other thing. In order for any sort of behavior plan to work effectively, you and your significant other must be on the same page. If not, your difficult child will use this to her advantage. She will continue to use manipulation to get what she wants. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, I've got to go. However, I know others will be along soon to give you excellent advice. Once again, I'm glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>I'll be thinking of you today... WFEN</p><p></p><p>P.S. Of course this is just my opinion. It isn't the only way to get results. There are some that use this method and others who oppose it. I don't think there is really a "right" or "wrong" way. I think whatever works in your particular situation is the right way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 205722, member: 3388"] Hi overwhelmed, I want to welcome you and let you know how glad I am you found this site. It is truly a great place with lots of caring and wise members who have helped me get through many rough times. I don't have much time at the moment but want to tell you that your significant other's daughter is very lucky to have you in her life. I don't know what her diag is, but she definitely sounds like my oldest, difficult child 1, when he was her age. difficult child 1 didn't show any improvement in his behavior until we found the right combination of medication and changed how we parented him. Unfortunately, parenting as we know it, doesn't work for our difficult children. First, we had to decide which behaviors needed to be changed. We decided to concentrate on safety issues. We ignored all of difficult child 1's poor behavior except for safety issues. Breaking rules to stay safe had huge consequences attached to them. In our case, difficult child 1 is totally obsessed with his computer. So, if he engaged in unsafe behavior, he lost computer privaleges. I know you said that consequences don't seem to matter to your difficult child. However, there must be something that she holds near and dear. Find that one thing that is truly important to her and decide which behaviors you want to change first. Make doing or using this one thing contingent on the behavior you wish to change. I think taking everything away from her just makes her more miserable and more angry. Try to concentrate on one behavior at a time. I know this is hard. I had days when I just wanted to EXPLODE!!! I'll just briefly mention one other thing. In order for any sort of behavior plan to work effectively, you and your significant other must be on the same page. If not, your difficult child will use this to her advantage. She will continue to use manipulation to get what she wants. Unfortunately, I've got to go. However, I know others will be along soon to give you excellent advice. Once again, I'm glad you found us. I'll be thinking of you today... WFEN P.S. Of course this is just my opinion. It isn't the only way to get results. There are some that use this method and others who oppose it. I don't think there is really a "right" or "wrong" way. I think whatever works in your particular situation is the right way. [/QUOTE]
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