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Overwhelming Pain
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661451" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Lila</p><p></p><p>I wanted to say a quick Hi. Your daughter is at the time of life when she is forming her adult identity apart from you. She wants to feel powerful and different vis a vis you and your family. Try to not fuel this.</p><p></p><p> Excessive and unnecessary guilt and begging her to come home empower her. As much as you can let her stand alone. She has chosen to leave. Let her.</p><p>None of us do.</p><p></p><p>Even though she has left you have the responsibility to be her parent, not her victim. We all do. You will not be an effective parent if you render yourself incapacitated because of your fear, regret, guilt, anger, etc. None of us are.</p><p></p><p>For now, let her be.</p><p>The transgender narrative is a powerful one in the nation right now and it seems as if she is milking it. How special if she is betraying her family to further her own ends and to give her story more dramatic appeal.</p><p></p><p>My son has done a version of this. To the extent that I let it destroy me, was a mistake. I should not have given it one ounce of thought or one tear. I felt betrayed by him. Actually he betrayed himself.</p><p></p><p>I have been posting here for 3 months. While I am agonized about my son I have learned so much about me. Most of all I have learned that I have control over what I do and my home and nothing more. And to the extent that I give my son power over either of those things that are mine, I hurt him. I do not help him.</p><p></p><p>My next step is to learn how to separate psychologically so the pain is not so great and so that I can reclaim my life. I will by no means forget about my son. Rather, I am learning to distinguish behaviors and attitudes of my own that are useful and constructive, and those that are not.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661451, member: 18958"] Hi Lila I wanted to say a quick Hi. Your daughter is at the time of life when she is forming her adult identity apart from you. She wants to feel powerful and different vis a vis you and your family. Try to not fuel this. Excessive and unnecessary guilt and begging her to come home empower her. As much as you can let her stand alone. She has chosen to leave. Let her. None of us do. Even though she has left you have the responsibility to be her parent, not her victim. We all do. You will not be an effective parent if you render yourself incapacitated because of your fear, regret, guilt, anger, etc. None of us are. For now, let her be. The transgender narrative is a powerful one in the nation right now and it seems as if she is milking it. How special if she is betraying her family to further her own ends and to give her story more dramatic appeal. My son has done a version of this. To the extent that I let it destroy me, was a mistake. I should not have given it one ounce of thought or one tear. I felt betrayed by him. Actually he betrayed himself. I have been posting here for 3 months. While I am agonized about my son I have learned so much about me. Most of all I have learned that I have control over what I do and my home and nothing more. And to the extent that I give my son power over either of those things that are mine, I hurt him. I do not help him. My next step is to learn how to separate psychologically so the pain is not so great and so that I can reclaim my life. I will by no means forget about my son. Rather, I am learning to distinguish behaviors and attitudes of my own that are useful and constructive, and those that are not. I hope you keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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