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General Parenting
Part 1 - Cell phones and difficult child's
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 241695" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Sheila,</p><p>When I took the phone and told him his obligation to phone home were the same with or without it he asked "how can I do that if I don't have a phone?"</p><p></p><p>Befor I received the insight that my accomidating parenting style was I would naturally explain (lecture) on the history of communication from rubbing sticks together and the building of signal fires, through the tin cans attached by strings...not to mention messanger runners and the pony express...</p><p></p><p>But now after understanding that "serving" the teen is all wrong way round. </p><p></p><p>The answer to the parent and child power struggle is to have the boundaries(call me as per my instructions, limit use to pre-directed uses, ect) but when the phone or whatever is not being respected remove the issue and let them do all the work</p><p>involved in the matter.</p><p></p><p>If it is important enough they will talk to you about it. When I stopped engaging in the chase "to get' cooperation and merely set the limits to basics (not follow the house rules no priviledges) then the fact that doing and thinking and talking all seemed to magicly be possible.</p><p></p><p>IT is a similar stradegy when the service provider stops serving when the bill is not paid.</p><p></p><p>These things we pay for are priviliges. And accutally very extravagant ones indeed.</p><p>The taking charge of my things and space and setting a standard of expectations that is solid unwavering is my job as a parent for setting a templet for defining what is idividule and what is a healthy foundation in relationship.</p><p>The question is whose responcibility is it? And when wanting something what are my options?</p><p>Just when our kids are teens and wanting to do "what they want" is when the skills for thinking about the complexities of world require them to think ahead and also neigotiate with others.</p><p>No is an answer and dead ends are very helpfull learning moments. Not this way frees up for the other possible directions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 241695, member: 6271"] Sheila, When I took the phone and told him his obligation to phone home were the same with or without it he asked "how can I do that if I don't have a phone?" Befor I received the insight that my accomidating parenting style was I would naturally explain (lecture) on the history of communication from rubbing sticks together and the building of signal fires, through the tin cans attached by strings...not to mention messanger runners and the pony express... But now after understanding that "serving" the teen is all wrong way round. The answer to the parent and child power struggle is to have the boundaries(call me as per my instructions, limit use to pre-directed uses, ect) but when the phone or whatever is not being respected remove the issue and let them do all the work involved in the matter. If it is important enough they will talk to you about it. When I stopped engaging in the chase "to get' cooperation and merely set the limits to basics (not follow the house rules no priviledges) then the fact that doing and thinking and talking all seemed to magicly be possible. IT is a similar stradegy when the service provider stops serving when the bill is not paid. These things we pay for are priviliges. And accutally very extravagant ones indeed. The taking charge of my things and space and setting a standard of expectations that is solid unwavering is my job as a parent for setting a templet for defining what is idividule and what is a healthy foundation in relationship. The question is whose responcibility is it? And when wanting something what are my options? Just when our kids are teens and wanting to do "what they want" is when the skills for thinking about the complexities of world require them to think ahead and also neigotiate with others. No is an answer and dead ends are very helpfull learning moments. Not this way frees up for the other possible directions. [/QUOTE]
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Part 1 - Cell phones and difficult child's
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