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Passive aggressive / aggressive aggressive
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 244340" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>In therapy -my biggest misconception was that (okay don't laugh too hard) after a visit or TWO, things would be better/be stable/level out and that EVERYONE would try, try try because we ALL wanted to be HAPPY right? </p><p> </p><p>(Gimme an H A P P Y) YEAH - cuts flips across the lawn and cheer kick - woooooo hoooooo!!!!!!!!! Shakes pompons. kicks again -and then finally? Kicks myself in the arse because OH REALLY ? am I THE ONLY ONE that wants things to improve? </p><p> </p><p>Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyuppppppppppppppppp. and Noooooooooooope. </p><p> </p><p>I'm going to guess that you are roughly - what.....late 30ish and maybe husband is like - 40 ish? - How many years did it take either of you to arrive at the place you are today in your life, relationship and self awareness? (insert how old you are) </p><p> </p><p>Now - fixing/changing/remodeling your house - EASY SHMEEZY -doing the same for your relationships? NNnnnnnot so much easy. </p><p> </p><p>IT TAKES TIME - and at this point - it's going to take a LIFETIME for your son, it could take that long for you.....and for husband. IF.....you keep going to therapy and working on things DESPITE the <span style="color: sandybrown"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial Black'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: navy">OVERWHELMING</span></span></span> <span style="color: black">sense that THIS just is NOT working. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">Don't quit. Even if they do? Even if they don't ever talk to you again. Even if you feel you will surely fade away from lonelyness? I am encouraging you to seek out the very BEST in KJS. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">You ALL can go to therapy - </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">You ALL can participate or not - </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">You ALL have an opportunity to change yourselves - if you're open to changing yourself despite the others not participating. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">What I got out of therapy hon - I can't fix ANYONE but me. And I can only fix me if I continue to work through my issues first and apply the changes and exercises I am learning DESPITE a housefull of non-subscribers. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">What therapy gave me was - a sense of being, a sense of self - the courage to stand up for myself and draw boundaries, the courage and the ability to shut out the negativity around me and how to move forward in my life ON MY OWN. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">You want to know about lonely? I know lonely - and now I actually prefer to be alone - but really strive to make good decisions in my life to allow things around me and to do things for myself that don't allow me to BE lonely. I'm not eating all of Dude's problems any more. I've moved on. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">I've learned the fine art of mmmmm and hmmmmm and ohhhhhh and walking away. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">I've learned how to detach from a spouse that was more there if he wasnt' there. And to seek out things that make ME happy. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">i have bad days, I have down days, I have things I worry about - but I learned tools to STOP the all-consuming gloom from creeping down the elastic in my pants and jerking a life-size wedgie out of my fruit of the looms. - Most days. And because of that? I'm better. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">I appreciate things more than I ever did. I care more than I ever did. And if they can't? So sad - you had the same opportunities to improve your life that I did - and chose NOT to help yourself - (you.......go be miserable somewhere else) </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #000000">Hope this helps you stay with the program.....</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 244340, member: 4964"] In therapy -my biggest misconception was that (okay don't laugh too hard) after a visit or TWO, things would be better/be stable/level out and that EVERYONE would try, try try because we ALL wanted to be HAPPY right? (Gimme an H A P P Y) YEAH - cuts flips across the lawn and cheer kick - woooooo hoooooo!!!!!!!!! Shakes pompons. kicks again -and then finally? Kicks myself in the arse because OH REALLY ? am I THE ONLY ONE that wants things to improve? Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyuppppppppppppppppp. and Noooooooooooope. I'm going to guess that you are roughly - what.....late 30ish and maybe husband is like - 40 ish? - How many years did it take either of you to arrive at the place you are today in your life, relationship and self awareness? (insert how old you are) Now - fixing/changing/remodeling your house - EASY SHMEEZY -doing the same for your relationships? NNnnnnnot so much easy. IT TAKES TIME - and at this point - it's going to take a LIFETIME for your son, it could take that long for you.....and for husband. IF.....you keep going to therapy and working on things DESPITE the [COLOR=sandybrown][FONT=Arial][FONT=Arial Black][SIZE=7][COLOR=navy]OVERWHELMING[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [COLOR=black]sense that THIS just is NOT working. [/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]Don't quit. Even if they do? Even if they don't ever talk to you again. Even if you feel you will surely fade away from lonelyness? I am encouraging you to seek out the very BEST in KJS. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]You ALL can go to therapy - [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]You ALL can participate or not - [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]You ALL have an opportunity to change yourselves - if you're open to changing yourself despite the others not participating. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]What I got out of therapy hon - I can't fix ANYONE but me. And I can only fix me if I continue to work through my issues first and apply the changes and exercises I am learning DESPITE a housefull of non-subscribers. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]What therapy gave me was - a sense of being, a sense of self - the courage to stand up for myself and draw boundaries, the courage and the ability to shut out the negativity around me and how to move forward in my life ON MY OWN. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]You want to know about lonely? I know lonely - and now I actually prefer to be alone - but really strive to make good decisions in my life to allow things around me and to do things for myself that don't allow me to BE lonely. I'm not eating all of Dude's problems any more. I've moved on. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]I've learned the fine art of mmmmm and hmmmmm and ohhhhhh and walking away. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]I've learned how to detach from a spouse that was more there if he wasnt' there. And to seek out things that make ME happy. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]i have bad days, I have down days, I have things I worry about - but I learned tools to STOP the all-consuming gloom from creeping down the elastic in my pants and jerking a life-size wedgie out of my fruit of the looms. - Most days. And because of that? I'm better. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]I appreciate things more than I ever did. I care more than I ever did. And if they can't? So sad - you had the same opportunities to improve your life that I did - and chose NOT to help yourself - (you.......go be miserable somewhere else) [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000]Hope this helps you stay with the program.....[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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