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pe Scared And Don't Know What To Do
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<blockquote data-quote="WorriedForSon" data-source="post: 116232" data-attributes="member: 4505"><p>Okay..me again..just read the link on detachment. So, let me make this statement to add to the mix. I don't control my son's life and I don't try...not since he turned 17. I put limits on what can or can not take place in my home because it is my home. A requirement for living in my house, was to finish high school. That was my focus for him during age 17/18. He had to take one summer class to be official, but he made it with alot of daily struggle of "get out of the bed and go". Sure, I had people tell me to let him go and let him suffer the consequences. But, being a school teacher and seeing many go down that road and never return, it simply wasn't an option for me. He has told me he appreciates that I pushed on that, altough he didn't appreciate it at the time. He wouldn't have made it into the Air Force if he didn't have that degree because his ASVAB wasn't high enough if he had only a GED. My job was to see him through high school, as I see it. </p><p></p><p>Since that time, I give advice if asked, concerning jobs etc. I don't enable. For example, he has had tons of trouble with his car but would not save any money and wanted me to pay to have it fixed. Well, the car is still sitting unfixed. He finally saved enough to by a transmission but didn't have enough to have the transmission put in. I took him back and forth to work, he paid for gas. I do not pick his friends or even try to at this point in his life, although I did when he was younger. He makes pretty good decisions in the friends department. But there are friends now, of which I only know their name and have never met or only met long enough to be introduced. When he told me he was going to enlist and asked if I would be happy for him I told him that if it was what he wanted to do, I would be happy for him. I try to be supportive of his decisions even when they would not be mine or even when it is hard for me emotionally (like him going into the military). I even tried to not let him see my cry MUCH over him enlisting because I didn't want him to make a decision about it based on MY emotions. </p><p></p><p>I have pretty well done the same with this girl and only spoke up when asked or I felt he was open to comments. But this last two months has been just too far out and has created too much fear. I had hoped her parents would handle things on her end and that would take care of the situation with her and encourage him to go to counseling so he doesn't get in another relationship like it. However, they have not done so. I don't think it is a control issue as detachment implies so much as I just see what is going to happen and fear for him. Then realizing her parents are not helping the situation but are actually encouraging it at this point AND reinforcing her negative actions and reactions makes me fearful for her or anyone she is around, in the future. I don't think that type of destruction needs detachment? I think suicide attempts and threats need someone on it, not detaching from it? </p><p></p><p>Thanks again</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WorriedForSon, post: 116232, member: 4505"] Okay..me again..just read the link on detachment. So, let me make this statement to add to the mix. I don't control my son's life and I don't try...not since he turned 17. I put limits on what can or can not take place in my home because it is my home. A requirement for living in my house, was to finish high school. That was my focus for him during age 17/18. He had to take one summer class to be official, but he made it with alot of daily struggle of "get out of the bed and go". Sure, I had people tell me to let him go and let him suffer the consequences. But, being a school teacher and seeing many go down that road and never return, it simply wasn't an option for me. He has told me he appreciates that I pushed on that, altough he didn't appreciate it at the time. He wouldn't have made it into the Air Force if he didn't have that degree because his ASVAB wasn't high enough if he had only a GED. My job was to see him through high school, as I see it. Since that time, I give advice if asked, concerning jobs etc. I don't enable. For example, he has had tons of trouble with his car but would not save any money and wanted me to pay to have it fixed. Well, the car is still sitting unfixed. He finally saved enough to by a transmission but didn't have enough to have the transmission put in. I took him back and forth to work, he paid for gas. I do not pick his friends or even try to at this point in his life, although I did when he was younger. He makes pretty good decisions in the friends department. But there are friends now, of which I only know their name and have never met or only met long enough to be introduced. When he told me he was going to enlist and asked if I would be happy for him I told him that if it was what he wanted to do, I would be happy for him. I try to be supportive of his decisions even when they would not be mine or even when it is hard for me emotionally (like him going into the military). I even tried to not let him see my cry MUCH over him enlisting because I didn't want him to make a decision about it based on MY emotions. I have pretty well done the same with this girl and only spoke up when asked or I felt he was open to comments. But this last two months has been just too far out and has created too much fear. I had hoped her parents would handle things on her end and that would take care of the situation with her and encourage him to go to counseling so he doesn't get in another relationship like it. However, they have not done so. I don't think it is a control issue as detachment implies so much as I just see what is going to happen and fear for him. Then realizing her parents are not helping the situation but are actually encouraging it at this point AND reinforcing her negative actions and reactions makes me fearful for her or anyone she is around, in the future. I don't think that type of destruction needs detachment? I think suicide attempts and threats need someone on it, not detaching from it? Thanks again [/QUOTE]
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