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pe Scared And Don't Know What To Do
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<blockquote data-quote="WorriedForSon" data-source="post: 116366" data-attributes="member: 4505"><p>Hey All</p><p></p><p>1st, let me say that the parents have not done all that they can. That was one of the points I tried to make. The first attempt of suicide, my son called the parents and they acted like he was crazy and there was no way she drank bleach. He called 911. They did not take her to the teen crisis center. She was ordered there for her own protection after the ambulance took her to the emergency room. They do not monitor her very well at all. And they are not following the advice of the counselors. Prior to these attempts, she pretty well did whatever she wanted including staying out until 2/3 in the morning with a group of much older kids. She would sneak out, lie about where she was etc. and they gave little to no punishment and went back on it every time they did. This was all when they were allowed to see each other. So, allowing them to see each other isn't going to help them stay on top of anything. It didn't help them stay on top of anything before and nothing has changed at all except he went into the military. I don't see that as doing all one can. I honestly think they now feel he is a good one to push her off on; stable career, claims to love her, good benefits with medical etc. Trust me, I know there are no manuals. But I can't say they are doing the best they can. Wouldn't the best be following the advice of those treating her when they, as you say, come with no manual?</p><p></p><p>As a mandated reporter, I'm actually fairly positive that this (allowing her to do what those treating her have said she shouldn't do) would be considered neglect and abuse given the situation of her being in the crisis center twice and going against the advice of those treating her. From this law, I also don't think she has the right to refuse therapy at age 16. I could be wrong, but I will ask the counselors at my school tomorrow. By the way Kathy, I teach 7th grade Life Science currently. I use to teach Biology etc. in high school, however. </p><p></p><p>I am shocked that the attitude seems to be, detach and try not to worry about it. I guess if they were just typical rebel teens determined to do things their own way, I could see this attitude. But, they are not just typical rebelling teens. One is suicidal among other things. Perhaps I'm so shocked because the law doesn't even tell me to detach, the law tells me to report. And if something happens, and I have not reported, I get into trouble! So, it wouldn't seem to me that detaching is the answer when we are dealing with sick minds.</p><p></p><p>2nd, Per my son, I don't discount his actions and he does need to be in counseling too. However, as we have all said, I can not do anything about that other than give advice and pray. The one that can do something about it is the one with the underage child. </p><p></p><p>I have bowed out of the situation. I am not responding to anything she sends etc. I'm not doing this as a way to detach, however. I'm doing it to maintain some type of relationship with my son rather than push him completely away. I think I have been pretty well "detached" for the entire time they have been dating. But when things began to escalate to the point of suicide attempts and I was asked to help, I did. I honestly don't understand the "detach" advice for such a case. </p><p></p><p>I was honestly looking for practical advice on how to help them all from people that had dealt with similar situations. Not to control the situation but the help them all. I understand all I read about controlling and detaching etc. But, how and why would someone step away from that type of situation rather than try to help? If everyone stepped away and detached, how much WORSE would the suicide rate be for teens? It is bad enough as it is. How much worse would abused homes be? </p><p></p><p>I suppose I could understand if it was applying to a person that was always controlling every aspect of the others life. But that is not the case; my son chose where to work, he chose what car to buy, he chose what girl to date, he chose what friends to have, he chose where to go and when and he chose what time to come home, he chose his career path for the military etc. The only stipulation he has had from me in a great while was not to come in drinking or doing drugs. That has never been a problem, but I lay it out as a ground rule when he became of age to do his own thing but was still living under my roof. </p><p></p><p>Do you know that in all the research, as trouble teens become adults, the one thing they fairly constantly say is that they wish their parents would have done something more, intervened, tried harder. That they wish they would have done whatever it took! I do know a few teens that a little tough love, worked wonders (parents sent them to the juvenille hall for a few days). </p><p></p><p>I believe if it was my child and that out of control and mentally unstable while still underage, I would have her put in a long term home where she could continue her education but get the care she needs without distractions.</p><p></p><p>I guess I will talk in greater length to the counselor at school tomorrow. We have spoken some but I haven't taken a long time to sit down with her recently. She has yet to tell me to detach, however. I'm not opposed to counseling, I've been through a lot of it myself after my divorce from my abusive husband. Perhaps I need some myself because I don't understand the "detach" thing and the three C's (didn't cause, can't cure, can't control") so walk away. I mean, I do realize all of those things but I just don't get the aspect of walking away..detach..when it is such a serious issue; life and death really and severe impact on another's mental health. </p><p></p><p>If someone can explain that to me more than the article I read, I would appreciate it. Otherwise, I'll speak with the counselor at school and let you know what she says.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WorriedForSon, post: 116366, member: 4505"] Hey All 1st, let me say that the parents have not done all that they can. That was one of the points I tried to make. The first attempt of suicide, my son called the parents and they acted like he was crazy and there was no way she drank bleach. He called 911. They did not take her to the teen crisis center. She was ordered there for her own protection after the ambulance took her to the emergency room. They do not monitor her very well at all. And they are not following the advice of the counselors. Prior to these attempts, she pretty well did whatever she wanted including staying out until 2/3 in the morning with a group of much older kids. She would sneak out, lie about where she was etc. and they gave little to no punishment and went back on it every time they did. This was all when they were allowed to see each other. So, allowing them to see each other isn't going to help them stay on top of anything. It didn't help them stay on top of anything before and nothing has changed at all except he went into the military. I don't see that as doing all one can. I honestly think they now feel he is a good one to push her off on; stable career, claims to love her, good benefits with medical etc. Trust me, I know there are no manuals. But I can't say they are doing the best they can. Wouldn't the best be following the advice of those treating her when they, as you say, come with no manual? As a mandated reporter, I'm actually fairly positive that this (allowing her to do what those treating her have said she shouldn't do) would be considered neglect and abuse given the situation of her being in the crisis center twice and going against the advice of those treating her. From this law, I also don't think she has the right to refuse therapy at age 16. I could be wrong, but I will ask the counselors at my school tomorrow. By the way Kathy, I teach 7th grade Life Science currently. I use to teach Biology etc. in high school, however. I am shocked that the attitude seems to be, detach and try not to worry about it. I guess if they were just typical rebel teens determined to do things their own way, I could see this attitude. But, they are not just typical rebelling teens. One is suicidal among other things. Perhaps I'm so shocked because the law doesn't even tell me to detach, the law tells me to report. And if something happens, and I have not reported, I get into trouble! So, it wouldn't seem to me that detaching is the answer when we are dealing with sick minds. 2nd, Per my son, I don't discount his actions and he does need to be in counseling too. However, as we have all said, I can not do anything about that other than give advice and pray. The one that can do something about it is the one with the underage child. I have bowed out of the situation. I am not responding to anything she sends etc. I'm not doing this as a way to detach, however. I'm doing it to maintain some type of relationship with my son rather than push him completely away. I think I have been pretty well "detached" for the entire time they have been dating. But when things began to escalate to the point of suicide attempts and I was asked to help, I did. I honestly don't understand the "detach" advice for such a case. I was honestly looking for practical advice on how to help them all from people that had dealt with similar situations. Not to control the situation but the help them all. I understand all I read about controlling and detaching etc. But, how and why would someone step away from that type of situation rather than try to help? If everyone stepped away and detached, how much WORSE would the suicide rate be for teens? It is bad enough as it is. How much worse would abused homes be? I suppose I could understand if it was applying to a person that was always controlling every aspect of the others life. But that is not the case; my son chose where to work, he chose what car to buy, he chose what girl to date, he chose what friends to have, he chose where to go and when and he chose what time to come home, he chose his career path for the military etc. The only stipulation he has had from me in a great while was not to come in drinking or doing drugs. That has never been a problem, but I lay it out as a ground rule when he became of age to do his own thing but was still living under my roof. Do you know that in all the research, as trouble teens become adults, the one thing they fairly constantly say is that they wish their parents would have done something more, intervened, tried harder. That they wish they would have done whatever it took! I do know a few teens that a little tough love, worked wonders (parents sent them to the juvenille hall for a few days). I believe if it was my child and that out of control and mentally unstable while still underage, I would have her put in a long term home where she could continue her education but get the care she needs without distractions. I guess I will talk in greater length to the counselor at school tomorrow. We have spoken some but I haven't taken a long time to sit down with her recently. She has yet to tell me to detach, however. I'm not opposed to counseling, I've been through a lot of it myself after my divorce from my abusive husband. Perhaps I need some myself because I don't understand the "detach" thing and the three C's (didn't cause, can't cure, can't control") so walk away. I mean, I do realize all of those things but I just don't get the aspect of walking away..detach..when it is such a serious issue; life and death really and severe impact on another's mental health. If someone can explain that to me more than the article I read, I would appreciate it. Otherwise, I'll speak with the counselor at school and let you know what she says. [/QUOTE]
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