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pe Scared And Don't Know What To Do
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 116394" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I love the Serenity Poem:</p><p>"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change,</p><p>The Courage to Change the Things I can, and the Wisdom to Know the Difference." I wore a necklace with this poem on it for many years.</p><p>Hon, I was SHOCKED at the idea of detaching when my daughter used drugs (she started at 12 and in no way would anyone consider me a neglectful parent--if anything I was accused of being too involved). I finally gave up when I saw I was just enabling her and making her worse. At eighteen when I found her and her friends in the house taking drugs, she had to move out--and I was terrified that I'd done the wrong thing. I thought what you thought: "She'll kill herself." "She'll be homeless." "I'm a horrible mom for letting her down" etc.</p><p>What she did, without her parents around to give her second chances and try to get her help she refused, is to get clean and change her life for the better. She is a productive, functioning, drug-free member of society now. What we think is being a "good" parent, as in trying, trying, trying, begging, threatening, helping out with bills etc. when the kids are adults, sometimes make them worse, not better. </p><p>The sixteen year old may be able to be made to go to therapy. My daughter went. But NOBODY can make her talk or cooperate or listen to the therapist. My daughter shut her out and wouldn't cooperate. The girl's parents MAY be negligent, maybe they have just tried everything and are frazzled and unsure of what to do. My daughter would sneak out at night--she jimmied her bedroom window. You can call CPS, but she is 16. We had to deal with CPS plus the police department because daughter was busted for drugs. They weren't all that helpful. But if you feel you need to do something calling CPS is about all you CAN do. </p><p>We can't control YOU either and aren't trying to do that. We're telling you what worked best for us--what we learned in the long run, and it's up to you to decide your course of action. I see a very wonderful mother (you) trying hard to fix a situation that, in my opinion, you can't do anything about. I agree that negligience in an eight year old is heinous--you don't detach from a child that young because you can still control much of his choices/behaviors/treatment. But when they are adults/almost adults legally it's a whole different ballgame. There isn't a whole lot you CAN do other than go nuts trying to change things.</p><p>I hope you find some peace and I send my prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 116394, member: 1550"] I love the Serenity Poem: "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, The Courage to Change the Things I can, and the Wisdom to Know the Difference." I wore a necklace with this poem on it for many years. Hon, I was SHOCKED at the idea of detaching when my daughter used drugs (she started at 12 and in no way would anyone consider me a neglectful parent--if anything I was accused of being too involved). I finally gave up when I saw I was just enabling her and making her worse. At eighteen when I found her and her friends in the house taking drugs, she had to move out--and I was terrified that I'd done the wrong thing. I thought what you thought: "She'll kill herself." "She'll be homeless." "I'm a horrible mom for letting her down" etc. What she did, without her parents around to give her second chances and try to get her help she refused, is to get clean and change her life for the better. She is a productive, functioning, drug-free member of society now. What we think is being a "good" parent, as in trying, trying, trying, begging, threatening, helping out with bills etc. when the kids are adults, sometimes make them worse, not better. The sixteen year old may be able to be made to go to therapy. My daughter went. But NOBODY can make her talk or cooperate or listen to the therapist. My daughter shut her out and wouldn't cooperate. The girl's parents MAY be negligent, maybe they have just tried everything and are frazzled and unsure of what to do. My daughter would sneak out at night--she jimmied her bedroom window. You can call CPS, but she is 16. We had to deal with CPS plus the police department because daughter was busted for drugs. They weren't all that helpful. But if you feel you need to do something calling CPS is about all you CAN do. We can't control YOU either and aren't trying to do that. We're telling you what worked best for us--what we learned in the long run, and it's up to you to decide your course of action. I see a very wonderful mother (you) trying hard to fix a situation that, in my opinion, you can't do anything about. I agree that negligience in an eight year old is heinous--you don't detach from a child that young because you can still control much of his choices/behaviors/treatment. But when they are adults/almost adults legally it's a whole different ballgame. There isn't a whole lot you CAN do other than go nuts trying to change things. I hope you find some peace and I send my prayers. [/QUOTE]
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