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pe Scared And Don't Know What To Do
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<blockquote data-quote="WorriedForSon" data-source="post: 116734" data-attributes="member: 4505"><p>Hello Everyone</p><p></p><p>Thanks so much for all the comments and feedback here. I'd like to address a few things posted particularly by Wyntersgrace. I was understanding the detachment comments on who was to detach from whom. I was merely asking questions about the entire concept of detachment. No one here has to speculate on what her parents are or are not doing. It isn't necessary, nor was I asking anyone to do that. I know, because I have lived and watched it for nearly two years now. The point of the post was to get feedback on what to do and how to handle this given the situation, not to ask an opinion or speculate on the other set of parents and to find out a few laws of which I was unsure of.</p><p></p><p>Why wouldn't I go ahead and report it if I am required to report it? Because of my relationship with my son. As I'm sure you can realize, it is a very sticky situation of which I'm trying to feel my way around. I would like to do what I am required to do by law, guide my son and help this girl without completely alienating my son.</p><p></p><p>I did speak with the school counselor today. I have spoken with her a bit off and on, but haven't had a huge sit down discussion with her. In a nutshell, this is what I was told:</p><p></p><p>1. She is not of age to decide if she wants treatment or not. However, we do all agree that she can simply refuse to communicate or use the help provided even if taken. </p><p></p><p>2. Yes, it can and should be reported that they are not following the guidelines of the counselor given she IS a threat to herself and has been in the facility twice in the last 1.5/2 months. </p><p></p><p>3. Yes, she can be taken/removed from the home for those actions although sometimes law enforcement agencies are slow to move on this because of her age. However, pushed, by law, the law enforcement, DFACS, etc. do have to act or they are held liable.</p><p></p><p>4. This is not a situation for myself or her parents either one to be detaching from. It is a situation to tread softly, choose words carefully and wait for a willingness to hear/listen on my part.</p><p></p><p>Choices to detach lie largely in the situation rather than the person. Some situations call for detachment, some don't. For some people most situations may call for detachment, for others few situation call for detachment. </p><p></p><p>She did what most counselors do and asked ME some questions. One of those questions was "would detachment from those that loved and cared for me have helped me more when I was in an abusive relationship" The answer was a definate NO. It was their constant peaking in my ear that broke open a crack in which I could finally see horrendous outcomes down the road. The counselor relayed to me the following "In some instances of abuse, detachment by loved ones leads to further feelings of isolation. Those feelings of isolation contribute to a large percentage of why people stay in abusive relationships." Of course, I already knew isolation was a big thing in most abusive relationships (real or preceived). However, this again depends on the specific abusive relationship. While my son was definately a challenge in middle school (dealing with divorce and moving two states away) but has been a pretty stable teen; doesn't do drugs and lets those that need to know, know when someone he loves and cares about gets involved with drugs, has never been known to drink or be drunk although we acknowledge he has most likely tried some varieties as most teens do, holds down a job, pays his own bills and pays them own time, has set and met many goals (gymnastics state champ, all star baseball, cadet officer leadership school top cadre and taking his flight to top flight, 1st degree black belt etc) and just made the decision to join the Air Force....detachment is probably not the correct answer.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps my understanding upon reading about detachment and her understanding upon studying detachment is different from your understanding. Trust me, I know this happens because it definately happens in the wonderful world of education and the many faucets within in understanding of terms used in education and even in psychology as we do deal with behavioral issues, IEP's etc. too. But this is what she relayed to me.</p><p></p><p>I DO hope being in the military will nip things in the bud. I was positive of it until her mother decided to let them resume their relationship and communicating while he is away. But I hope the levels of mental awareness and maturity it will take just to endure basic training will leave a sour taste in his mouth for all of this foolishness and manipulation. Likewise, maybe he will meet a stable, well rounded girl and the lights will go off when reflecting on the whole deal. I'm not opposed to him having a girl. He will be 20 this year in Sept. after all! So a nice young lady is fine, but, preferably a healthy one!</p><p></p><p>Thanks again for listening</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WorriedForSon, post: 116734, member: 4505"] Hello Everyone Thanks so much for all the comments and feedback here. I'd like to address a few things posted particularly by Wyntersgrace. I was understanding the detachment comments on who was to detach from whom. I was merely asking questions about the entire concept of detachment. No one here has to speculate on what her parents are or are not doing. It isn't necessary, nor was I asking anyone to do that. I know, because I have lived and watched it for nearly two years now. The point of the post was to get feedback on what to do and how to handle this given the situation, not to ask an opinion or speculate on the other set of parents and to find out a few laws of which I was unsure of. Why wouldn't I go ahead and report it if I am required to report it? Because of my relationship with my son. As I'm sure you can realize, it is a very sticky situation of which I'm trying to feel my way around. I would like to do what I am required to do by law, guide my son and help this girl without completely alienating my son. I did speak with the school counselor today. I have spoken with her a bit off and on, but haven't had a huge sit down discussion with her. In a nutshell, this is what I was told: 1. She is not of age to decide if she wants treatment or not. However, we do all agree that she can simply refuse to communicate or use the help provided even if taken. 2. Yes, it can and should be reported that they are not following the guidelines of the counselor given she IS a threat to herself and has been in the facility twice in the last 1.5/2 months. 3. Yes, she can be taken/removed from the home for those actions although sometimes law enforcement agencies are slow to move on this because of her age. However, pushed, by law, the law enforcement, DFACS, etc. do have to act or they are held liable. 4. This is not a situation for myself or her parents either one to be detaching from. It is a situation to tread softly, choose words carefully and wait for a willingness to hear/listen on my part. Choices to detach lie largely in the situation rather than the person. Some situations call for detachment, some don't. For some people most situations may call for detachment, for others few situation call for detachment. She did what most counselors do and asked ME some questions. One of those questions was "would detachment from those that loved and cared for me have helped me more when I was in an abusive relationship" The answer was a definate NO. It was their constant peaking in my ear that broke open a crack in which I could finally see horrendous outcomes down the road. The counselor relayed to me the following "In some instances of abuse, detachment by loved ones leads to further feelings of isolation. Those feelings of isolation contribute to a large percentage of why people stay in abusive relationships." Of course, I already knew isolation was a big thing in most abusive relationships (real or preceived). However, this again depends on the specific abusive relationship. While my son was definately a challenge in middle school (dealing with divorce and moving two states away) but has been a pretty stable teen; doesn't do drugs and lets those that need to know, know when someone he loves and cares about gets involved with drugs, has never been known to drink or be drunk although we acknowledge he has most likely tried some varieties as most teens do, holds down a job, pays his own bills and pays them own time, has set and met many goals (gymnastics state champ, all star baseball, cadet officer leadership school top cadre and taking his flight to top flight, 1st degree black belt etc) and just made the decision to join the Air Force....detachment is probably not the correct answer. Perhaps my understanding upon reading about detachment and her understanding upon studying detachment is different from your understanding. Trust me, I know this happens because it definately happens in the wonderful world of education and the many faucets within in understanding of terms used in education and even in psychology as we do deal with behavioral issues, IEP's etc. too. But this is what she relayed to me. I DO hope being in the military will nip things in the bud. I was positive of it until her mother decided to let them resume their relationship and communicating while he is away. But I hope the levels of mental awareness and maturity it will take just to endure basic training will leave a sour taste in his mouth for all of this foolishness and manipulation. Likewise, maybe he will meet a stable, well rounded girl and the lights will go off when reflecting on the whole deal. I'm not opposed to him having a girl. He will be 20 this year in Sept. after all! So a nice young lady is fine, but, preferably a healthy one! Thanks again for listening [/QUOTE]
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