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Peace is the choice
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 728759" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Newstart I am glad you are choosing peace. It is a hard road we all travel, life can sure throw some stuff at us. </p><p>I have found reading and posting here that many couples are at different points along the path. Everyone has to find their own way and I know how difficult it is. I was more than ready to completely detach and my hubs wasn’t. It became a point of contention and my daughter grabbed on to that and triangulated and drove the wedge between us. </p><p>I think fathers have a different relationship with their daughters and will hang on to the belief that they will change. My daughter knew this and took advantage of it. It was very sad to watch. </p><p>The two year anniversary of my husbands passing is coming up and I am feeling the grief roll through me. </p><p>What I wanted to share with you is that I felt the same, that I didn’t have support from my husband. What it really was, is that he had to process this loss in his own way. When I write loss, I mean the loss of wishes and dreams we have for our children’s futures. The horror of their choices and lifestyle. Our daughter was and is homeless and on meth.</p><p>It devastated him deep down, he was already fighting various illness, and he wanted to stay connected. </p><p>I felt that she was taking advantage of him, and she was. She would come over and bring her clothes, after a long day at work he would wash and hang them, make her something to eat and let her shower. This was his way of showing his love for her.</p><p>Men are so different than women. Hubs was not a talker. He just couldn’t discuss the issues with our two daughters. I know he was so hurt, but he didn’t want to show it. </p><p>It is a grieving we go through when our kids grow up and go off the rails. Everyone grieves differently. </p><p>Just wanted to share this, as I know you want to feel more support from your husband. One day, he may come to understand your stance and agree with you. </p><p>He has to be at that point. </p><p>When he is ready. </p><p>Unfortunately, my husband became gravely ill and after a few weeks in and out of the hospital, passed.</p><p>We never really got to come to an understanding with what went on with our two daughters, and how to move forward. </p><p>Detachment, not enabling.</p><p>Rain would call him at the hospital, say she was coming to visit, then not show up. </p><p>She has to live with that.</p><p>One of my biggest regrets is that I expected him to be on the same page as I was. For all I know, he may have instinctively known how short his time was and he wanted to try in his own way to nurture a relationship with his daughter. </p><p>Not trying to make you feel bad, just sharing another way to look at where your husband may be. </p><p>I wish I had been more patient with mine.</p><p> I think what was hardest for me is that I felt like you do now. Had enough of the bs, stealing and lying. I wanted him to put his foot down too. He just wasn’t ready. </p><p>Hang in there dear and keep your head up. Keep giving it all to God and He will help you find peace regardless of all that is going on. </p><p>My heart goes out to you in the loss of your precious son. Prayers for peace and comfort as the anniversary draws nearer. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 728759, member: 19522"] Newstart I am glad you are choosing peace. It is a hard road we all travel, life can sure throw some stuff at us. I have found reading and posting here that many couples are at different points along the path. Everyone has to find their own way and I know how difficult it is. I was more than ready to completely detach and my hubs wasn’t. It became a point of contention and my daughter grabbed on to that and triangulated and drove the wedge between us. I think fathers have a different relationship with their daughters and will hang on to the belief that they will change. My daughter knew this and took advantage of it. It was very sad to watch. The two year anniversary of my husbands passing is coming up and I am feeling the grief roll through me. What I wanted to share with you is that I felt the same, that I didn’t have support from my husband. What it really was, is that he had to process this loss in his own way. When I write loss, I mean the loss of wishes and dreams we have for our children’s futures. The horror of their choices and lifestyle. Our daughter was and is homeless and on meth. It devastated him deep down, he was already fighting various illness, and he wanted to stay connected. I felt that she was taking advantage of him, and she was. She would come over and bring her clothes, after a long day at work he would wash and hang them, make her something to eat and let her shower. This was his way of showing his love for her. Men are so different than women. Hubs was not a talker. He just couldn’t discuss the issues with our two daughters. I know he was so hurt, but he didn’t want to show it. It is a grieving we go through when our kids grow up and go off the rails. Everyone grieves differently. Just wanted to share this, as I know you want to feel more support from your husband. One day, he may come to understand your stance and agree with you. He has to be at that point. When he is ready. Unfortunately, my husband became gravely ill and after a few weeks in and out of the hospital, passed. We never really got to come to an understanding with what went on with our two daughters, and how to move forward. Detachment, not enabling. Rain would call him at the hospital, say she was coming to visit, then not show up. She has to live with that. One of my biggest regrets is that I expected him to be on the same page as I was. For all I know, he may have instinctively known how short his time was and he wanted to try in his own way to nurture a relationship with his daughter. Not trying to make you feel bad, just sharing another way to look at where your husband may be. I wish I had been more patient with mine. I think what was hardest for me is that I felt like you do now. Had enough of the bs, stealing and lying. I wanted him to put his foot down too. He just wasn’t ready. Hang in there dear and keep your head up. Keep giving it all to God and He will help you find peace regardless of all that is going on. My heart goes out to you in the loss of your precious son. Prayers for peace and comfort as the anniversary draws nearer. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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