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Peaceful how did court go?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 113466" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Peaceful,</p><p></p><p>That is exactly what happened to us the first time difficult child went to court. She was ordered to husband and it was suspended on condition of probation, 40 hours community service, compliance with medications and counseling, good behavior at home, going nowehere withot our permission, staying away from a certain boy who was trouble. Her PO came to the house and was a nice enough elderly grandfather type but she had his number. True to form she violated probation and ended up back in court. I hope that doesn't happen to you but know you realize it probably will.</p><p></p><p>Looking back on things now, and they are so much better, I realize that one of the goal withs these kids is to try to put enough controls/restraints/fears in them to keep them somewhat in line during these 13-16 age years when they seem to think that the entire world revolves around them and they have no sense of consequences of their behavior. If that can be done, hopefully when they reach age 16-17, their brain allows them to make better decisions. I see the young girls in our high school that get into trouble and with early intervention they either straighten out or they continue into furter trouble and are lost. Our juvenile officer when he last saw me told me he always felt our difficult child would be one that straightened out and they talk about her to this day in the station and will be so proud when she graduates, unlike most of the girls she was hanging with two years ago.</p><p></p><p>And I agree with you completely on the fact that whatever disorder our difficult child may have, it is still our responsibility to give them the tools to live in our society as a productive and responsible citizen. It would do my difficult child no good for us to not make her face up to her behavior because the real world doesn't work that way.</p><p></p><p>I see that you are in the medical field and in recover yourself. I have always felt that difficult child's genes were largely responsible for her difficulties, but that she still made the choice to behave in the way she did that caused her to get into trouble. Her inherited background may explain her addictive behavior, her need for risky activities, her impulsiveness, her anger issues, her difficulty in following rules, and on and on, but it is not an excuse. Just as anyone else who is living with a disability, it is her responsibility to manage it with the tools we provide.</p><p></p><p>I hope your difficult child gets it. At her age though there is certain to be more acting out before that happens. Their brains just don't start to figure it out yet. My difficult child tells many of her friends that she was stupid freshman year and that she did some really stupid things. Hearing this from her really makes me realize that they don't get it until they are mature enough to get it.</p><p></p><p>difficult child is by no means a perfect child now. She will always struggle with issues/behavior. But she now seems to be able to modify her behavior to get what she wants and to follow society's rules.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p><p></p><p>P.S. Her community service took the entire summer to complete. She worked at Camp Cheerful as a side walker/horse leader in the therapeutic riding center with children who have disabilities, some very severe. She also had to muck the horse do-do, tack the horses, clean the stables, etc. It was a great communtiy service for her. The lessons she learned in compassion and hard work and fulfilling her responsibilities were well worth it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 113466, member: 59"] Peaceful, That is exactly what happened to us the first time difficult child went to court. She was ordered to husband and it was suspended on condition of probation, 40 hours community service, compliance with medications and counseling, good behavior at home, going nowehere withot our permission, staying away from a certain boy who was trouble. Her PO came to the house and was a nice enough elderly grandfather type but she had his number. True to form she violated probation and ended up back in court. I hope that doesn't happen to you but know you realize it probably will. Looking back on things now, and they are so much better, I realize that one of the goal withs these kids is to try to put enough controls/restraints/fears in them to keep them somewhat in line during these 13-16 age years when they seem to think that the entire world revolves around them and they have no sense of consequences of their behavior. If that can be done, hopefully when they reach age 16-17, their brain allows them to make better decisions. I see the young girls in our high school that get into trouble and with early intervention they either straighten out or they continue into furter trouble and are lost. Our juvenile officer when he last saw me told me he always felt our difficult child would be one that straightened out and they talk about her to this day in the station and will be so proud when she graduates, unlike most of the girls she was hanging with two years ago. And I agree with you completely on the fact that whatever disorder our difficult child may have, it is still our responsibility to give them the tools to live in our society as a productive and responsible citizen. It would do my difficult child no good for us to not make her face up to her behavior because the real world doesn't work that way. I see that you are in the medical field and in recover yourself. I have always felt that difficult child's genes were largely responsible for her difficulties, but that she still made the choice to behave in the way she did that caused her to get into trouble. Her inherited background may explain her addictive behavior, her need for risky activities, her impulsiveness, her anger issues, her difficulty in following rules, and on and on, but it is not an excuse. Just as anyone else who is living with a disability, it is her responsibility to manage it with the tools we provide. I hope your difficult child gets it. At her age though there is certain to be more acting out before that happens. Their brains just don't start to figure it out yet. My difficult child tells many of her friends that she was stupid freshman year and that she did some really stupid things. Hearing this from her really makes me realize that they don't get it until they are mature enough to get it. difficult child is by no means a perfect child now. She will always struggle with issues/behavior. But she now seems to be able to modify her behavior to get what she wants and to follow society's rules. Nancy P.S. Her community service took the entire summer to complete. She worked at Camp Cheerful as a side walker/horse leader in the therapeutic riding center with children who have disabilities, some very severe. She also had to muck the horse do-do, tack the horses, clean the stables, etc. It was a great communtiy service for her. The lessons she learned in compassion and hard work and fulfilling her responsibilities were well worth it. [/QUOTE]
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