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Peaceful how did court go?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 114148" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Peaceful,</p><p></p><p>I have been where you are at. It wasn't that long ago that I found myself cowering on the garage floor as difficult child was standing over me trying to pry the car keys from my hand car and striking out at me in any way she could. I laid on that floor crying for an hour, begging her to stop. That was only one example. I could mention all the times we were driving along the street or highway and she would throw things at me or open up the car door and try to jump out. Or the time she overdosed on advil and we had to take her to the hospital or when she came home from a party so high we had to call an ambulance and she locked herself in the trunk of our car. Or when she jumped on the roof of my husband's car as he was pulling out of the garage. We have been through h*ll and back with her. And yet all the while I was terrified for her to be taken away from us, I saw no good in that and felt it would be the beginning of the end for any relationship we could ever hope to have. That's not to say that an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is not the correct path for many others. I had a easy child to protect also, but I couldn't even bring myself to mention the word Residential Treatment Center (RTC) out loud. And never said it to difficult child for fear that it would push her even further away.</p><p></p><p>I understand you have been dealing with this since she was three. For us it started when she was probably 18 months old and steadily got worse, so I've been there. </p><p></p><p>I'm just not sure that your difficult child chooses to go the other way. She may not know any other way right now. I am not excusing her behavior by any means, just offering a different outlook. My difficult child was in such a negative pattern for so many years that she didn't know how to get out of it.</p><p></p><p>I have used so many professionals over the years that I had to make a list of them once and it surprised even me. I didn't feel like any one of them had the answer for us. They all just did the best they could. I never put much stock in their expectations or their plans. They weren't living with her. But I will say that almost all of them worked very hard to keep the level of anger and frustration in the family down. None of them ever pushed an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in fact said the goal was to keep her out of one if at all possible and to teach her and us coping skills. I'm not sure why yours seems to be so much into having expectations of her and if they aren't followed off she goes. That jusy doesn't sound therapeutic. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps it is your tone of frustration that comes across as your way or the highway. I know I have been there believe me, and I think some members of this board would even say I sounded very much like you at times. But I have found that my difficult child was very attuned to my tone, my attitude, my unspoken word toward her. And at times some of the things you say sound like it is you against her. A very wise therapist once told me to try and put myself in her place and feel that everyone is against you, especially your mom. That a child should look at their mother as someone who will protect them, someone who is in their corner, someone who will fight for them. I understood what he meant. I didn't take it as criticism of me so much as helping me look at things her way. Like I said before it was very difficult to do that at the time because there was so much anger, but we had to find a way.</p><p></p><p>From the way in which you have said some of the things you did, it makes me feel that you want your daughter to misbehave so you can follow through in the threat of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), instead of looking for ways to help her succeed. I don't understand you or husband's thoughts on wanting the PO to get the negative information about her asap. We bent over backwards the other way while at the same time letting her know that if she violated any of the rules she would go back to court. I think making swearing an offense to have her go back to court is absurd. Perhaps the court did not mean that literally, and if they did they are not being realistic. It doesn't sound like her therapist is working toward helping her succeed, rather expecting her to behave in a certain way and punishing her if she doesn't. Perhaps her medications need to be changed. If the therapist feels that she is unable to change given the years of therapy and medications and the only help is an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) then it seems like having her go through the justice system is pointless and punitive. </p><p></p><p>I hope you are not offended by what I have said. You don't need to convince us how bad things are for you or to justify your feelings to us. But you came here asking for advice and those of us who have been here many years have been through all the emotions you have and more and may have some valuable input. </p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 114148, member: 59"] Peaceful, I have been where you are at. It wasn't that long ago that I found myself cowering on the garage floor as difficult child was standing over me trying to pry the car keys from my hand car and striking out at me in any way she could. I laid on that floor crying for an hour, begging her to stop. That was only one example. I could mention all the times we were driving along the street or highway and she would throw things at me or open up the car door and try to jump out. Or the time she overdosed on advil and we had to take her to the hospital or when she came home from a party so high we had to call an ambulance and she locked herself in the trunk of our car. Or when she jumped on the roof of my husband's car as he was pulling out of the garage. We have been through h*ll and back with her. And yet all the while I was terrified for her to be taken away from us, I saw no good in that and felt it would be the beginning of the end for any relationship we could ever hope to have. That's not to say that an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is not the correct path for many others. I had a easy child to protect also, but I couldn't even bring myself to mention the word Residential Treatment Center (RTC) out loud. And never said it to difficult child for fear that it would push her even further away. I understand you have been dealing with this since she was three. For us it started when she was probably 18 months old and steadily got worse, so I've been there. I'm just not sure that your difficult child chooses to go the other way. She may not know any other way right now. I am not excusing her behavior by any means, just offering a different outlook. My difficult child was in such a negative pattern for so many years that she didn't know how to get out of it. I have used so many professionals over the years that I had to make a list of them once and it surprised even me. I didn't feel like any one of them had the answer for us. They all just did the best they could. I never put much stock in their expectations or their plans. They weren't living with her. But I will say that almost all of them worked very hard to keep the level of anger and frustration in the family down. None of them ever pushed an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in fact said the goal was to keep her out of one if at all possible and to teach her and us coping skills. I'm not sure why yours seems to be so much into having expectations of her and if they aren't followed off she goes. That jusy doesn't sound therapeutic. Perhaps it is your tone of frustration that comes across as your way or the highway. I know I have been there believe me, and I think some members of this board would even say I sounded very much like you at times. But I have found that my difficult child was very attuned to my tone, my attitude, my unspoken word toward her. And at times some of the things you say sound like it is you against her. A very wise therapist once told me to try and put myself in her place and feel that everyone is against you, especially your mom. That a child should look at their mother as someone who will protect them, someone who is in their corner, someone who will fight for them. I understood what he meant. I didn't take it as criticism of me so much as helping me look at things her way. Like I said before it was very difficult to do that at the time because there was so much anger, but we had to find a way. From the way in which you have said some of the things you did, it makes me feel that you want your daughter to misbehave so you can follow through in the threat of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), instead of looking for ways to help her succeed. I don't understand you or husband's thoughts on wanting the PO to get the negative information about her asap. We bent over backwards the other way while at the same time letting her know that if she violated any of the rules she would go back to court. I think making swearing an offense to have her go back to court is absurd. Perhaps the court did not mean that literally, and if they did they are not being realistic. It doesn't sound like her therapist is working toward helping her succeed, rather expecting her to behave in a certain way and punishing her if she doesn't. Perhaps her medications need to be changed. If the therapist feels that she is unable to change given the years of therapy and medications and the only help is an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) then it seems like having her go through the justice system is pointless and punitive. I hope you are not offended by what I have said. You don't need to convince us how bad things are for you or to justify your feelings to us. But you came here asking for advice and those of us who have been here many years have been through all the emotions you have and more and may have some valuable input. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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