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peculiar friend
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 699096" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Yikes. Definitely will have to re-read a few times.</p><p>"My mother told me this more than once: <em>If you expect the people around to be without problems or flaws you will be alone. </em>She was right."</p><p>I totally "get" that /agree with that statement.</p><p>I have learned more than once that is true. And, it would apply here, absolutely. My friend was / is like an angel from heaven. And, when things started going haywire a few years ago and she did something that was hurtful, I was shocked out of my mind. BUT, I also realized that no way is anybody perfect and she certainly had earned (for lack of a better word that would clearly be needed her) rights to mess up. Plus, good grief, the woman is simply human. I suppose I didn't expect things to continue to be weird and I'm a little sensitive to lying.</p><p>Anyway, I'm thinking if I were in this predicament, I would chose to apologize.</p><p>I don't know if it is ego strength or what. I would like to think that I would be able to empathize that something I did, regardless if I agree with their thought process, seem to hurt my friend and although it wasn't intentional, I inadvertently hurt them and I would offer a simple apology for that. This is assuming everything is sincere. I DO think what you said earlier applies here. My friend saw it as a different of opinion and didn't feel the need to apologize. So, we differed in two arenas. On the very thing up for discussion and the need to apologize. So be it. I'm pleased that she heard what I had to say and took it well.</p><p>Now, since we are talking about that statement I made about the need to apologize if someone inadvertently hurts another even if they don't agree about it ....etc.</p><p>WELL, this comes from another difficult friend encounter. Years ago, a friend of mine upset me royally. I can almost laugh about it now. ALMOST. Anyway, she said something very rude and bordering on insane loudly in a public place. It was NOT directed at me. More shouting. I accidentally touched a nerve. I did not realize what I said would upset her. It was a total accident. She flew off the handle and said something bizarre and rude as hell. Another shock. I took it well, even though I got a few stares from others. I was hurt on a variety of levels.It felt abusive. Another super nice, normal person doing something VERY out of the ordinary. In retrospect, this little display reminded me of my abusive father. But, wait...it gets worse.</p><p>Later, I called her and said "Ya know, D. that loud verbal display today in the store was very upsetting for me. People heard what you said. It made me embarrassed and uncomfortable." I was expecting her to say something like "Well, people should mind their own business. But, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I was having a bad day."</p><p>BUT NOPE. NOT what happened. I smile about it now. And your mother's comment applies.</p><p>Instead she said "You are being silly. Who cares what people think. You shouldn't care. It's not a big deal."</p><p>Hmmm. She kinda was correct. BUT, it DID BOTHER ME. I'm a human being. I have feelings. And I realized later (not at the time) I have baggage from my abusive father that would fly off the handle, hurt me and never ever ever EVER aplogize.</p><p>I don't expect to experience WWWIII in the store and get stared at for craziness. Ok, maybe I should be tougher. If it happened today, I probably would be tougher. I would probably be better at opening my heart to her and say to myself "Geez Louise, my friend has gone momentarily insane and maybe I should not think about myself and see what is bothering HER."</p><p>Anyway, for me, myself and I, having experienced this, I would likely chose to apologize if someone (particularly a close friend or loved one) said I hurt their feelings, under most circumstances. If I was simply defending myself and they didn't like it, perhaps not. But, if I did something that clearly could be interpreted as inappropriate , I likely would offer my apologies for inadvertently hurting them and hear them out.</p><p>But, (today) I do NOT expect other people to do this. Would hope that they would, but do not expect it. *</p><p>And, I do not expect other people to act like I would act in a given situation (same thing, really).</p><p>And, I've certainly learned that people who appear to be perfect (my friend) absolutely are not perfect and can't be perfect...it's simply impossible.</p><p>And, I've learned it's possible to love someone, even if you are super frustrated with them for the time being.</p><p>And, I've learned sometimes people are temporarily going through a rough patch and to be patient.</p><p>And, I've learned it's almost always a good idea to open your heart up to good friends and their circumstances (empathy) and again, patience, patience, patience.</p><p></p><p>And I bet there is even more to learn <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>*Of course a clearly abusive, extreme situation, I probably would need an apology and I might not consider the person a friend anymore. Perhaps a lot depends on the situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 699096, member: 4152"] Yikes. Definitely will have to re-read a few times. "My mother told me this more than once: [I]If you expect the people around to be without problems or flaws you will be alone. [/I]She was right." I totally "get" that /agree with that statement. I have learned more than once that is true. And, it would apply here, absolutely. My friend was / is like an angel from heaven. And, when things started going haywire a few years ago and she did something that was hurtful, I was shocked out of my mind. BUT, I also realized that no way is anybody perfect and she certainly had earned (for lack of a better word that would clearly be needed her) rights to mess up. Plus, good grief, the woman is simply human. I suppose I didn't expect things to continue to be weird and I'm a little sensitive to lying. Anyway, I'm thinking if I were in this predicament, I would chose to apologize. I don't know if it is ego strength or what. I would like to think that I would be able to empathize that something I did, regardless if I agree with their thought process, seem to hurt my friend and although it wasn't intentional, I inadvertently hurt them and I would offer a simple apology for that. This is assuming everything is sincere. I DO think what you said earlier applies here. My friend saw it as a different of opinion and didn't feel the need to apologize. So, we differed in two arenas. On the very thing up for discussion and the need to apologize. So be it. I'm pleased that she heard what I had to say and took it well. Now, since we are talking about that statement I made about the need to apologize if someone inadvertently hurts another even if they don't agree about it ....etc. WELL, this comes from another difficult friend encounter. Years ago, a friend of mine upset me royally. I can almost laugh about it now. ALMOST. Anyway, she said something very rude and bordering on insane loudly in a public place. It was NOT directed at me. More shouting. I accidentally touched a nerve. I did not realize what I said would upset her. It was a total accident. She flew off the handle and said something bizarre and rude as hell. Another shock. I took it well, even though I got a few stares from others. I was hurt on a variety of levels.It felt abusive. Another super nice, normal person doing something VERY out of the ordinary. In retrospect, this little display reminded me of my abusive father. But, wait...it gets worse. Later, I called her and said "Ya know, D. that loud verbal display today in the store was very upsetting for me. People heard what you said. It made me embarrassed and uncomfortable." I was expecting her to say something like "Well, people should mind their own business. But, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I was having a bad day." BUT NOPE. NOT what happened. I smile about it now. And your mother's comment applies. Instead she said "You are being silly. Who cares what people think. You shouldn't care. It's not a big deal." Hmmm. She kinda was correct. BUT, it DID BOTHER ME. I'm a human being. I have feelings. And I realized later (not at the time) I have baggage from my abusive father that would fly off the handle, hurt me and never ever ever EVER aplogize. I don't expect to experience WWWIII in the store and get stared at for craziness. Ok, maybe I should be tougher. If it happened today, I probably would be tougher. I would probably be better at opening my heart to her and say to myself "Geez Louise, my friend has gone momentarily insane and maybe I should not think about myself and see what is bothering HER." Anyway, for me, myself and I, having experienced this, I would likely chose to apologize if someone (particularly a close friend or loved one) said I hurt their feelings, under most circumstances. If I was simply defending myself and they didn't like it, perhaps not. But, if I did something that clearly could be interpreted as inappropriate , I likely would offer my apologies for inadvertently hurting them and hear them out. But, (today) I do NOT expect other people to do this. Would hope that they would, but do not expect it. * And, I do not expect other people to act like I would act in a given situation (same thing, really). And, I've certainly learned that people who appear to be perfect (my friend) absolutely are not perfect and can't be perfect...it's simply impossible. And, I've learned it's possible to love someone, even if you are super frustrated with them for the time being. And, I've learned sometimes people are temporarily going through a rough patch and to be patient. And, I've learned it's almost always a good idea to open your heart up to good friends and their circumstances (empathy) and again, patience, patience, patience. And I bet there is even more to learn :) *Of course a clearly abusive, extreme situation, I probably would need an apology and I might not consider the person a friend anymore. Perhaps a lot depends on the situation. [/QUOTE]
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