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<blockquote data-quote="Ehlena" data-source="post: 420050" data-attributes="member: 6097"><p>Thanks for the book recommendation, StepTo2, but I've read it and though it helped for a while, and still helps to de-escalate when difficult child is ready to really ramp things up, it hasn't stopped us from getting into this mess. I have a whole shelf of these books at home... I've been with husband for five years, married for two. We had custody of difficult child for two years (he lived with husband's father before this), and it's been one and a half years since difficult child was removed from our home. He's been in our neighborhood, though, so we see him often and are highly involved with his school, social worker, and the group home director.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, he was exposed to drugs in utero and through breast-feeding. husband and bio were never married and only dated a short amount of time. Yes, difficult child has acted out against me. I stepped back from discipline since I honestly couldn't handle the backlash anymore. Even handing out rewards...difficult child would insist that he deserved more, and then...cue meltdown. Unfortunately, he was steadily improving in our care until his mom decided she wanted to be a part of his life. He was getting A's and B's and was in an honors english class because of his abilities. I'd enjoyed a close relationship with difficult child up until this point. difficult child adores his mother, thinks she can do no wrong, and has said that he will do "whatever it takes" to go and live with her. That involved him and her coming up with this "plan" to accuse my husband of abuse. Fortunately, his admission of this is a part of the case file. I know the sorts of things she's said to difficult child - that husband doesn't care about him, that husband only thinks of himself, that he is being treated unfairly by husband, that husband is abusive, etc. Also said nasty things about me. All of her contact with difficult child is now closely supervised. Even though their "plan" didn't work and difficult child was never released to her care, difficult child is extremely focused on getting back with his mother. He doesn't hear anything else and will not consider coming back to live with us. He thinks the social worker is a b!tch because she won't let him go live with his mom. Forgot to mention that his bio is diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.</p><p> </p><p>He had a full psychiatric evaluation about a year and a half ago that skirted around any definitive diagnoses. Said that he had disruptive behavior disorder, avoidant attachment style but not to the level of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), borderline but not diagnosed with schizoaffective. Also mentioned that he had below-average processing speed. His behaviors have become increasingly worse since that time.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know what else to do. He had to be taken off medication because of interactions with alcohol and marijuana, and he has to test clean a certain number of times before they can put him back on anything. He has a major incident at school about 1/week. He has been kicked out of one school, and they are moving to expel in this one. He's been suspended about as many days as he's been present. There are multiple interventions in place at school, and he has had an IEP since the fifth grade. He has a couple misdemeanor tickets (possession and petty theft), and vandalized a neighbor's house...not sure if they pressed charges, I'd have to ask. I don't know what will help him anymore, especially since he doesn't seem to want help. I've even asked what I can do to help him, and his reply is "Unless you can help me get back to living with my mom, you can't help."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ehlena, post: 420050, member: 6097"] Thanks for the book recommendation, StepTo2, but I've read it and though it helped for a while, and still helps to de-escalate when difficult child is ready to really ramp things up, it hasn't stopped us from getting into this mess. I have a whole shelf of these books at home... I've been with husband for five years, married for two. We had custody of difficult child for two years (he lived with husband's father before this), and it's been one and a half years since difficult child was removed from our home. He's been in our neighborhood, though, so we see him often and are highly involved with his school, social worker, and the group home director. Yes, he was exposed to drugs in utero and through breast-feeding. husband and bio were never married and only dated a short amount of time. Yes, difficult child has acted out against me. I stepped back from discipline since I honestly couldn't handle the backlash anymore. Even handing out rewards...difficult child would insist that he deserved more, and then...cue meltdown. Unfortunately, he was steadily improving in our care until his mom decided she wanted to be a part of his life. He was getting A's and B's and was in an honors english class because of his abilities. I'd enjoyed a close relationship with difficult child up until this point. difficult child adores his mother, thinks she can do no wrong, and has said that he will do "whatever it takes" to go and live with her. That involved him and her coming up with this "plan" to accuse my husband of abuse. Fortunately, his admission of this is a part of the case file. I know the sorts of things she's said to difficult child - that husband doesn't care about him, that husband only thinks of himself, that he is being treated unfairly by husband, that husband is abusive, etc. Also said nasty things about me. All of her contact with difficult child is now closely supervised. Even though their "plan" didn't work and difficult child was never released to her care, difficult child is extremely focused on getting back with his mother. He doesn't hear anything else and will not consider coming back to live with us. He thinks the social worker is a b!tch because she won't let him go live with his mom. Forgot to mention that his bio is diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. He had a full psychiatric evaluation about a year and a half ago that skirted around any definitive diagnoses. Said that he had disruptive behavior disorder, avoidant attachment style but not to the level of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), borderline but not diagnosed with schizoaffective. Also mentioned that he had below-average processing speed. His behaviors have become increasingly worse since that time. I don't know what else to do. He had to be taken off medication because of interactions with alcohol and marijuana, and he has to test clean a certain number of times before they can put him back on anything. He has a major incident at school about 1/week. He has been kicked out of one school, and they are moving to expel in this one. He's been suspended about as many days as he's been present. There are multiple interventions in place at school, and he has had an IEP since the fifth grade. He has a couple misdemeanor tickets (possession and petty theft), and vandalized a neighbor's house...not sure if they pressed charges, I'd have to ask. I don't know what will help him anymore, especially since he doesn't seem to want help. I've even asked what I can do to help him, and his reply is "Unless you can help me get back to living with my mom, you can't help." [/QUOTE]
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