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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 420115" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>What a mess! And it is not of your making, or your husband's.</p><p></p><p>The book does help, but it is not a cure. All it does it help you make it as better as possible under the difficult circumstances. But you have other factors constantly undermining here.</p><p></p><p>You say visits with biomom are closely supervised. Who by? The same idiot who rang husband about the guitar with difficult child in the room?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That does not sound like close enough or appropriate supervision to me. I'd be using this to permanently oppose her contact with him at all. Given the pst inappropriate behaviour with him, allowing him to see her AT ALL is allowing the abuse to not heal. How can he heal if he is repeatedly fed dreams of sexual love with his mother?</p><p></p><p>He is one very confused and lost kid. I've dealt with narcissists. Not easy. And they are very manipulative.</p><p></p><p>if he is currently unmedicated for the ADHD, music may be the only thing keeping him on the level. If his focus on the guitar is too obsessive, then why not suggest to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that they direct him to a different form of musical expression in the meantime, until he can earn back the access to his guitar? The "I am God's gift to music" attitude could also be the sign of narcissism, either induced by his mother, or tendency inherited. it is treatable now, if the system allows (including him). </p><p></p><p>But he cannot be treated until he is in a place where he can see he needs treatment. And continuing contact with biomom is directly preventing this. It is not in her interests for him to be well.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site. You are not the only step-parent here.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 420115, member: 1991"] What a mess! And it is not of your making, or your husband's. The book does help, but it is not a cure. All it does it help you make it as better as possible under the difficult circumstances. But you have other factors constantly undermining here. You say visits with biomom are closely supervised. Who by? The same idiot who rang husband about the guitar with difficult child in the room? That does not sound like close enough or appropriate supervision to me. I'd be using this to permanently oppose her contact with him at all. Given the pst inappropriate behaviour with him, allowing him to see her AT ALL is allowing the abuse to not heal. How can he heal if he is repeatedly fed dreams of sexual love with his mother? He is one very confused and lost kid. I've dealt with narcissists. Not easy. And they are very manipulative. if he is currently unmedicated for the ADHD, music may be the only thing keeping him on the level. If his focus on the guitar is too obsessive, then why not suggest to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that they direct him to a different form of musical expression in the meantime, until he can earn back the access to his guitar? The "I am God's gift to music" attitude could also be the sign of narcissism, either induced by his mother, or tendency inherited. it is treatable now, if the system allows (including him). But he cannot be treated until he is in a place where he can see he needs treatment. And continuing contact with biomom is directly preventing this. It is not in her interests for him to be well. Welcome to the site. You are not the only step-parent here. Marg [/QUOTE]
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