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<blockquote data-quote="Ehlena" data-source="post: 421293" data-attributes="member: 6097"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I probably should have been more clear on the homework. He used to do his homework, but after he was removed from our home, he started phasing this out doing less and less. At first everyone was very much Poor difficult child! Abused by his father! so they let a lot of things slide. He got a lot of attention, a lot of presents (I cringe when I think back on it yep reward him for this monumental lie). Once the truth started to come out, focus came back to his schooling. Since it was nearly impossible to get him to do it at this point, homework was tabled and difficult child was told to at least do his classwork. husband and I did NOT agree with this, but at that point in time, CPS was still convinced that husband was just inflexible, and he was not included in this discussion. difficult child did his classwork for a little while and still scored well on tests (like I said, smart kid ). Then he stopped doing his classwork. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You get the idea. Hes at the point where he is doing absolutely nothing in class, not even test-taking. He will often just put his head down and sleep in class. The teachers have tried not allowing him to do this, but as soon as they try to enforce discipline with difficult child, he becomes a disciplinary problem. Right now, in order to teach the rest of the class, they are allowing him to do nothing, as long as he is not a disruption. We are currently looking into charter schools with a smaller student to teacher ratio, since difficult child is on his last leg at this school. The only discipline the administration can enforce with difficult child is suspension. difficult child refuses to attend detention or in-school suspension (jumps the fence, walks away, goes AWOL).</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Weve had a lot of discussion with difficult child concerning his classwork, grades, behavior, etc. It always ends in one of two ways. We THINK weve got his buy-in and difficult child says hes going to try xyz. Five minutes later its as if we never had the conversation essentially he says what we want to hear in order to get us to stop talking. The other way is that difficult child turns it back around to going to live with his mom. What can we do to help get you motivated, difficult child? You can help me get to living with my mom. I understand you want to go and live with your mom, and I know you miss her, but thats not up to us. Can you think of anything else? No. Paraphrased, but this is the general direction.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The social worker is really great, and shes spent a lot of time with difficult child to try and figure out what he wants, needs, and what makes him tick. difficult child used to really like her. She is very honest with difficult child on what is going on case-wise, and why he is not being released to his mothers care. Despite ongoing conversations on the matter and very clear explanations on what bio-mom has to accomplish, and what she hasnt done, difficult child is convinced that the social worker is trying to control his life, and that she is a b!tch. He is behaving better with us now that the you-cant-go-to-live-with-your-mom pressure is off, which is nice.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">difficult child has a CASA worker that he really likes. The guy is great upstanding citizen, sympathizes with difficult childs needs, plays guitar. Despite this, he hasnt been able to get any buy-in from difficult child yet. Peer tutors and mentors have been tried. Again, used to be helpful, but difficult child now seems bent on antagonizing them. Tried a college-student aged tutor as well, but difficult child refused to meet with her.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I like the idea of researching his favorite band and seeing if I can find anything positive for difficult child to emulate. difficult child has only one band that hes very into, and those are mostly the only songs hes learned, with a couple of others that bio-mom said she wanted him to play for her.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I talked to him yesterday about learning other instruments and musical disciplines, and though he agreed with me, I could tell that he wasnt hearing what I was saying. Ill try again later.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">difficult childs biggest concern right now, that he reiterates over and over is that he is trying to get back with his family and he cant concentrate on anything else until thats resolved. Unfortunately, by family, he means only his mother. I also highly suspect that this is an excuse that he overheard from an adult, as I heard almost the exact same thing, word for word, from his former principals mouth. difficult child had convinced her that husband was abusive, and the social worker had to step in with the truth at a 504 meeting. Absolutely mortifying. Im not sure how to address this concern without telling the truth (that bio-mom relapsed only recently, is going through criminal court after her baby tested positive for meth, and she is incapable of caring for him) and that gets me a permanent tune-out from difficult child. The social worker has already told him everything.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Ill see about maybe getting another instrument to difficult child, but he is back on freeze again. He had only just made level, and the director was really proud of him, gave him some new clothes and difficult child set the socks on fire. Its frustrating. The other kids in the group home are still getting in trouble, but theyre making obvious steps towards improvement.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">I really appreciate all the suggestions, and Ive been sharing them with my husband. We talked about how to Plan B difficult childs school placement since he is on the edge of being expelled and he needs to be moved to yet another school. Hoping to find a way to get difficult childs buy-in. difficult child has been pushing us back one step at a time. I dont know how to get him to stop cutting off his own nose to spite his face.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ehlena, post: 421293, member: 6097"] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]I probably should have been more clear on the homework. He used to do his homework, but after he was removed from our home, he started phasing this out doing less and less. At first everyone was very much Poor difficult child! Abused by his father! so they let a lot of things slide. He got a lot of attention, a lot of presents (I cringe when I think back on it yep reward him for this monumental lie). Once the truth started to come out, focus came back to his schooling. Since it was nearly impossible to get him to do it at this point, homework was tabled and difficult child was told to at least do his classwork. husband and I did NOT agree with this, but at that point in time, CPS was still convinced that husband was just inflexible, and he was not included in this discussion. difficult child did his classwork for a little while and still scored well on tests (like I said, smart kid ). Then he stopped doing his classwork. [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]You get the idea. Hes at the point where he is doing absolutely nothing in class, not even test-taking. He will often just put his head down and sleep in class. The teachers have tried not allowing him to do this, but as soon as they try to enforce discipline with difficult child, he becomes a disciplinary problem. Right now, in order to teach the rest of the class, they are allowing him to do nothing, as long as he is not a disruption. We are currently looking into charter schools with a smaller student to teacher ratio, since difficult child is on his last leg at this school. The only discipline the administration can enforce with difficult child is suspension. difficult child refuses to attend detention or in-school suspension (jumps the fence, walks away, goes AWOL).[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]Weve had a lot of discussion with difficult child concerning his classwork, grades, behavior, etc. It always ends in one of two ways. We THINK weve got his buy-in and difficult child says hes going to try xyz. Five minutes later its as if we never had the conversation essentially he says what we want to hear in order to get us to stop talking. The other way is that difficult child turns it back around to going to live with his mom. What can we do to help get you motivated, difficult child? You can help me get to living with my mom. I understand you want to go and live with your mom, and I know you miss her, but thats not up to us. Can you think of anything else? No. Paraphrased, but this is the general direction.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]The social worker is really great, and shes spent a lot of time with difficult child to try and figure out what he wants, needs, and what makes him tick. difficult child used to really like her. She is very honest with difficult child on what is going on case-wise, and why he is not being released to his mothers care. Despite ongoing conversations on the matter and very clear explanations on what bio-mom has to accomplish, and what she hasnt done, difficult child is convinced that the social worker is trying to control his life, and that she is a b!tch. He is behaving better with us now that the you-cant-go-to-live-with-your-mom pressure is off, which is nice.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]difficult child has a CASA worker that he really likes. The guy is great upstanding citizen, sympathizes with difficult childs needs, plays guitar. Despite this, he hasnt been able to get any buy-in from difficult child yet. Peer tutors and mentors have been tried. Again, used to be helpful, but difficult child now seems bent on antagonizing them. Tried a college-student aged tutor as well, but difficult child refused to meet with her.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]I like the idea of researching his favorite band and seeing if I can find anything positive for difficult child to emulate. difficult child has only one band that hes very into, and those are mostly the only songs hes learned, with a couple of others that bio-mom said she wanted him to play for her.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]I talked to him yesterday about learning other instruments and musical disciplines, and though he agreed with me, I could tell that he wasnt hearing what I was saying. Ill try again later.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]difficult childs biggest concern right now, that he reiterates over and over is that he is trying to get back with his family and he cant concentrate on anything else until thats resolved. Unfortunately, by family, he means only his mother. I also highly suspect that this is an excuse that he overheard from an adult, as I heard almost the exact same thing, word for word, from his former principals mouth. difficult child had convinced her that husband was abusive, and the social worker had to step in with the truth at a 504 meeting. Absolutely mortifying. Im not sure how to address this concern without telling the truth (that bio-mom relapsed only recently, is going through criminal court after her baby tested positive for meth, and she is incapable of caring for him) and that gets me a permanent tune-out from difficult child. The social worker has already told him everything.[/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]Ill see about maybe getting another instrument to difficult child, but he is back on freeze again. He had only just made level, and the director was really proud of him, gave him some new clothes and difficult child set the socks on fire. Its frustrating. The other kids in the group home are still getting in trouble, but theyre making obvious steps towards improvement.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]I really appreciate all the suggestions, and Ive been sharing them with my husband. We talked about how to Plan B difficult childs school placement since he is on the edge of being expelled and he needs to be moved to yet another school. Hoping to find a way to get difficult childs buy-in. difficult child has been pushing us back one step at a time. I dont know how to get him to stop cutting off his own nose to spite his face.[/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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