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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620736" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>That is so true Cedar. It's like that quote I told you about where that facilitator who had been in jail for political reasons for many years (like Mandela) addressed the audience with this opening line: "<em>Suffering is a linguistic phenomenon, in happens in our languaging." </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>In thinking about this thread yesterday, I remembered someone telling me that one needs to declare a thing complete, to use our words to simply state this is now over. Words are powerful and we can keep ourselves in our own 'story' for a lifetime...........that's a big concept in Buddhism too, our 'story' and the attachment we have to it........Carolyn Myss addresses that in her books too, she calls it "woundology" our attachment to our "wounds" and how much we identify with them. </p><p></p><p>All of that seems important to me now. As in so much in life, first things are theoretical, they are known in the mind.........and then they drop down into a deeper realm, where real change can happen...........right now, for me the enabling path seems to have come to a dead end. I think those tendencies are going to be there because it's a vulnerable place for me, but I feel as if I have a handle on it and I can use the tools I have to not engage in that fashion. I want to move on from this, from the "story" ............I want to create a new chapter now. I am declaring this chapter, OVER.</p><p></p><p> I made a plan to take off for the weekend with SO. As we spoke about in the 'living on the street' thread, I have that spirit of adventure and wanderlust myself and since my granddaughter has been with me, I have been in deep 'grandma responsibility mode'. Being responsible for others has in the past kept me stuck in the enabling stuff and far away from the me who is free spirited. That 'me' seems to be coming home now and suddenly I am excited to let her lead. </p><p></p><p>It feels to me as if this enabling part of me has faded into the past and I am 'empty' now.........I can create newly from this 'emptied' place, things are looking brighter and way more fun. I have had a glimpse of that "limitless joy" with my ability to have compassion for myself and feel that deep gratitude.</p><p></p><p>Last night at dinner, SO, granddaughter and I were talking about traveling. Out of no where she says, "My BFF (and her future roommate in college) and I decided that whenever you guys travel, as we grow up we are saving our money and we're tagging along with you because you guys really know how to have fun and you go to cool places!" I was somewhat surprised given these last few weeks of change we've all gone through, but I have to say, it couldn't have done more to warm my heart..........she is actually a pretty good traveling companion herself, we've taken her on a number of trips and we have always had a good time, just the 3 of us. </p><p></p><p>So, we are heading out to the Mendocino coast, one of my favorite places in California, just a gorgeous little village on the water. It hasn't changed much in 40 years........and looks like the weather will favor us. Hitting the road always makes me so happy. And, brings to mind that Sandburg quote, which SO says a lot too, "we don't know where we're going, but we're on our way!"</p><p></p><p>Yes, my friends, it is a beautiful morning here too.............ENJOY!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620736, member: 13542"] That is so true Cedar. It's like that quote I told you about where that facilitator who had been in jail for political reasons for many years (like Mandela) addressed the audience with this opening line: "[I]Suffering is a linguistic phenomenon, in happens in our languaging." [/I] In thinking about this thread yesterday, I remembered someone telling me that one needs to declare a thing complete, to use our words to simply state this is now over. Words are powerful and we can keep ourselves in our own 'story' for a lifetime...........that's a big concept in Buddhism too, our 'story' and the attachment we have to it........Carolyn Myss addresses that in her books too, she calls it "woundology" our attachment to our "wounds" and how much we identify with them. All of that seems important to me now. As in so much in life, first things are theoretical, they are known in the mind.........and then they drop down into a deeper realm, where real change can happen...........right now, for me the enabling path seems to have come to a dead end. I think those tendencies are going to be there because it's a vulnerable place for me, but I feel as if I have a handle on it and I can use the tools I have to not engage in that fashion. I want to move on from this, from the "story" ............I want to create a new chapter now. I am declaring this chapter, OVER. I made a plan to take off for the weekend with SO. As we spoke about in the 'living on the street' thread, I have that spirit of adventure and wanderlust myself and since my granddaughter has been with me, I have been in deep 'grandma responsibility mode'. Being responsible for others has in the past kept me stuck in the enabling stuff and far away from the me who is free spirited. That 'me' seems to be coming home now and suddenly I am excited to let her lead. It feels to me as if this enabling part of me has faded into the past and I am 'empty' now.........I can create newly from this 'emptied' place, things are looking brighter and way more fun. I have had a glimpse of that "limitless joy" with my ability to have compassion for myself and feel that deep gratitude. Last night at dinner, SO, granddaughter and I were talking about traveling. Out of no where she says, "My BFF (and her future roommate in college) and I decided that whenever you guys travel, as we grow up we are saving our money and we're tagging along with you because you guys really know how to have fun and you go to cool places!" I was somewhat surprised given these last few weeks of change we've all gone through, but I have to say, it couldn't have done more to warm my heart..........she is actually a pretty good traveling companion herself, we've taken her on a number of trips and we have always had a good time, just the 3 of us. So, we are heading out to the Mendocino coast, one of my favorite places in California, just a gorgeous little village on the water. It hasn't changed much in 40 years........and looks like the weather will favor us. Hitting the road always makes me so happy. And, brings to mind that Sandburg quote, which SO says a lot too, "we don't know where we're going, but we're on our way!" Yes, my friends, it is a beautiful morning here too.............ENJOY! [/QUOTE]
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