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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 93305" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>SLSH, </p><p></p><p>Do you ever sit back and think about how incredibly wonderful you are? (Stop laughing) I'm waiting......(ahem) Okay now, seriously - You have raised in my professional (from being here) opinion one of the hardest difficult child's around - not to trivialize anyone who is here's life. We all have it tough, but some kids just NEVER seem to get it - yours is in that group. You are also dealing with other issues and a son with epilepsy. That's an incredible amount to deal with. </p><p></p><p>So if you loose your perception or put your heart out there every once in a while with day dreams of "I HOPE" and "I WISH" or "WHY COULDN'T IT BE ME THAT HAS A SON WHO" - that's very human. Knowing the difference is being a warrior mom. Sadly what we want and what we prepare our selves for depends on who our friends are that kick our butts, our therapist, and our ability to look in a mirror and say "I am a good Mom" - then believe it, wholeheartedly. You're somewhere in between butt kick, good friends and believe it. Despite the lavender bath - you aren't in the wholeheartedly group yet. </p><p></p><p>And it's okay not to be there yet. It's okay to want to have your son at home. You've had to give him up to other people so much that you got ripped-off and I did too, and I was angry about it for a long time. I wanted to be there to protect my kid from all the bad things in the world, and find a way to fix him so that at least by the time he was 8, 10, 14, 16, 17 - he'd appreciate life, me, the simple things, be able to support himself, have friends, a girl, nice things - who among us doesn't wish that for our kids? No one. No one here sits and says "I hope this kid fails, I hope he leaves me alone forever, I hope he never comes and lives at home and is happy, I hope he never supports himself." Well, maybe for a little while on occasion but not long term. </p><p></p><p>So here's your butt kicking from your friend, YOU ARE DOING FINE. You are a good Mom. Those racing thoughts you are waking up to? Tell your brain there is NOTHING more you can do because YOU have done it all already, and now...as bad as it su*ks (liked that) you and he are parting ways. His choice. We all know already what your choice would be. Mine too. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child - it's like he's making 3 steps forward and 4 backwards some days. It's been harder than anything NOT to call, NOT to send a home package, NOT to pick stuff up in the store, NOT to engage him in a conversation where he talks about his grandiose ideas of how it's going to be. LIFE is his Mother and Mentor right now. And LIFE will give him a slap that will sting. I couldn't ever hit that hard. And the great thing about LIFE giving him those slaps that sting? He won't be able to be angry at you (try as he may) enough stings and he'll really start to figure it out. </p><p></p><p>My kid is REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY (to the nth degree) thick headed and he's just JUST starting to see how if you have no job, no money, no car, no family, no Mom, your friends (LIFE) will slap you down if its between them and him, and that the stupid house, stupid job, stupid car MOm drives, stupid chores, stupid school are all really a luxury. Your statement "let me know how that works for you" hit home. </p><p></p><p>What I finished my therapy out on was HOW do I protect myself and my heart from what seems inevitable at this juncture in life? How do I prepare myself to potentially say Goodbye to my only son? Lord what if he ends up on the streets? If he should fail, if he should fall could I find him, take him home? And then what that horrible life all over again for BOTH of us? - I know life WITH him at this point is not a possibility, if I dont' prepare him for a life of his own I could end up trying to take care of him and I can't anymore, he's too much. So cutting him loose to the group home while it made me want to vomit - (my last chance at him home gone) I'm dealing with letting go day to day. </p><p></p><p>It sounds heartless. I kept finding myself wanting to make excuses to everyone saying "But you don't know what his life was like, you don't know how his bio dad treated him and on and on. And now I do tell him that I feel sorry for the situation that caused him to have all this extra work to make himself better, but that is what he was dealt - either work with it or give in to it. It's his life. I can't do more than I have already done. </p><p>I hope you find some peace or something logical that helps you in all of this. You really are NOT alone. I empathize with your situation. Really. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 93305, member: 4964"] SLSH, Do you ever sit back and think about how incredibly wonderful you are? (Stop laughing) I'm waiting......(ahem) Okay now, seriously - You have raised in my professional (from being here) opinion one of the hardest difficult child's around - not to trivialize anyone who is here's life. We all have it tough, but some kids just NEVER seem to get it - yours is in that group. You are also dealing with other issues and a son with epilepsy. That's an incredible amount to deal with. So if you loose your perception or put your heart out there every once in a while with day dreams of "I HOPE" and "I WISH" or "WHY COULDN'T IT BE ME THAT HAS A SON WHO" - that's very human. Knowing the difference is being a warrior mom. Sadly what we want and what we prepare our selves for depends on who our friends are that kick our butts, our therapist, and our ability to look in a mirror and say "I am a good Mom" - then believe it, wholeheartedly. You're somewhere in between butt kick, good friends and believe it. Despite the lavender bath - you aren't in the wholeheartedly group yet. And it's okay not to be there yet. It's okay to want to have your son at home. You've had to give him up to other people so much that you got ripped-off and I did too, and I was angry about it for a long time. I wanted to be there to protect my kid from all the bad things in the world, and find a way to fix him so that at least by the time he was 8, 10, 14, 16, 17 - he'd appreciate life, me, the simple things, be able to support himself, have friends, a girl, nice things - who among us doesn't wish that for our kids? No one. No one here sits and says "I hope this kid fails, I hope he leaves me alone forever, I hope he never comes and lives at home and is happy, I hope he never supports himself." Well, maybe for a little while on occasion but not long term. So here's your butt kicking from your friend, YOU ARE DOING FINE. You are a good Mom. Those racing thoughts you are waking up to? Tell your brain there is NOTHING more you can do because YOU have done it all already, and now...as bad as it su*ks (liked that) you and he are parting ways. His choice. We all know already what your choice would be. Mine too. My difficult child - it's like he's making 3 steps forward and 4 backwards some days. It's been harder than anything NOT to call, NOT to send a home package, NOT to pick stuff up in the store, NOT to engage him in a conversation where he talks about his grandiose ideas of how it's going to be. LIFE is his Mother and Mentor right now. And LIFE will give him a slap that will sting. I couldn't ever hit that hard. And the great thing about LIFE giving him those slaps that sting? He won't be able to be angry at you (try as he may) enough stings and he'll really start to figure it out. My kid is REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY (to the nth degree) thick headed and he's just JUST starting to see how if you have no job, no money, no car, no family, no Mom, your friends (LIFE) will slap you down if its between them and him, and that the stupid house, stupid job, stupid car MOm drives, stupid chores, stupid school are all really a luxury. Your statement "let me know how that works for you" hit home. What I finished my therapy out on was HOW do I protect myself and my heart from what seems inevitable at this juncture in life? How do I prepare myself to potentially say Goodbye to my only son? Lord what if he ends up on the streets? If he should fail, if he should fall could I find him, take him home? And then what that horrible life all over again for BOTH of us? - I know life WITH him at this point is not a possibility, if I dont' prepare him for a life of his own I could end up trying to take care of him and I can't anymore, he's too much. So cutting him loose to the group home while it made me want to vomit - (my last chance at him home gone) I'm dealing with letting go day to day. It sounds heartless. I kept finding myself wanting to make excuses to everyone saying "But you don't know what his life was like, you don't know how his bio dad treated him and on and on. And now I do tell him that I feel sorry for the situation that caused him to have all this extra work to make himself better, but that is what he was dealt - either work with it or give in to it. It's his life. I can't do more than I have already done. I hope you find some peace or something logical that helps you in all of this. You really are NOT alone. I empathize with your situation. Really. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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