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Peter Lanza's story and our connection to it
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 622013" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Ah Child, you hit close to the bone with that!</p><p></p><p>I am always hesitant to read about the families and lives of these young men (the mass murderers, Lanza in particular). Because...all of us with sons who behave in ways that are inexplicable, incomprehensible..must, sometimes, see that we could be those families. Because I so totally don't understand difficult child's head, his fears, his anger, his anything...and because those crimes are so incomprehensible...I can draw a line and connect the dots between one incomprehensible thing and another. </p><p></p><p>I used to have a dream that difficult child pushed his twin sister over the stair rail (we had open central stairs that went up to the third floor) and she died. When they were about 3 years old. I can hardly bear to remember that dream even know...the overwhelming tone of it was "randomness" and grief and loss.</p><p></p><p>difficult child, always more sweet and goofy than angry or hostile, used to leave knives plunged into pillows in some of the lesser-used rooms of the house (storage rooms). I used to insist it couldn't be he, because it didn't fit with the "he" I knew (goofy and clueless.</p><p></p><p>So I get it. I guess we all get it to greater or lesser degrees. I don't see that the Lanza family could have prevented this. I laugh bitterly at the comment in the article by some ignorant parent that the Lanzas' should have "forced treatment" since we all know that that is completely impossible. </p><p></p><p>I guess she enabled him, and she died because of it. I guess she could have made him leave home. She hadn't gotten to the detachment state yet, she was trying desperately to connect with her lonely angry disabled son. Whom she loved. And who presented himself as evil incarnate for as much time as it took to kill people. </p><p></p><p>It is an awful story, Child. I don't know where to go with it. I don't know what to do with how it reflects on our lives.</p><p></p><p>When I was at a meditation retreat this summer one of the parents from Sandy Hook was there. He lost his only son, 8 years old. He asked Thich Nhat Hahn how we could make sure this never happens again..and Thich Nhat Hahn said it would happen again. Then he went on to talk about needing community, but I don't remember that part. </p><p></p><p>I guess...in the end...the only thing is kindness. Detach with love for our own. Kindness towards the others. Maybe work for better mental health care. and I guess, too that, earthquakes and tsunamis and sinkholes and wildfires happen, and that we are not entitled to be safe or to live for four score and ten. Some combination of those thoughts holds the answer for me.</p><p></p><p>A little babbling, I know. But I felt compelled to respond. I didn't want to read that article, Child, but I did, because I wanted to honor Peter's suffering.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p><p></p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 622013, member: 17269"] Ah Child, you hit close to the bone with that! I am always hesitant to read about the families and lives of these young men (the mass murderers, Lanza in particular). Because...all of us with sons who behave in ways that are inexplicable, incomprehensible..must, sometimes, see that we could be those families. Because I so totally don't understand difficult child's head, his fears, his anger, his anything...and because those crimes are so incomprehensible...I can draw a line and connect the dots between one incomprehensible thing and another. I used to have a dream that difficult child pushed his twin sister over the stair rail (we had open central stairs that went up to the third floor) and she died. When they were about 3 years old. I can hardly bear to remember that dream even know...the overwhelming tone of it was "randomness" and grief and loss. difficult child, always more sweet and goofy than angry or hostile, used to leave knives plunged into pillows in some of the lesser-used rooms of the house (storage rooms). I used to insist it couldn't be he, because it didn't fit with the "he" I knew (goofy and clueless. So I get it. I guess we all get it to greater or lesser degrees. I don't see that the Lanza family could have prevented this. I laugh bitterly at the comment in the article by some ignorant parent that the Lanzas' should have "forced treatment" since we all know that that is completely impossible. I guess she enabled him, and she died because of it. I guess she could have made him leave home. She hadn't gotten to the detachment state yet, she was trying desperately to connect with her lonely angry disabled son. Whom she loved. And who presented himself as evil incarnate for as much time as it took to kill people. It is an awful story, Child. I don't know where to go with it. I don't know what to do with how it reflects on our lives. When I was at a meditation retreat this summer one of the parents from Sandy Hook was there. He lost his only son, 8 years old. He asked Thich Nhat Hahn how we could make sure this never happens again..and Thich Nhat Hahn said it would happen again. Then he went on to talk about needing community, but I don't remember that part. I guess...in the end...the only thing is kindness. Detach with love for our own. Kindness towards the others. Maybe work for better mental health care. and I guess, too that, earthquakes and tsunamis and sinkholes and wildfires happen, and that we are not entitled to be safe or to live for four score and ten. Some combination of those thoughts holds the answer for me. A little babbling, I know. But I felt compelled to respond. I didn't want to read that article, Child, but I did, because I wanted to honor Peter's suffering. Echo Echo [/QUOTE]
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