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Parent Emeritus
Peter Lanza's story and our connection to it
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622061" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Thanks RE for that post. I, too, am struck by our desire to survive. That instinct is so primitive and so core in all of us, and I believe that is a hopeful thing to realize for our difficult children as well. I know some don't survive, but most do. They keep on, regardless. I am grateful for that instinct to survive that God has given all of us. I hope that instinct gives my son some armor out on the street. </p><p></p><p>I have seen a lot of coverage on Peter Lanza in the past 36 hours. The rage and blame against him is shocking to me. The desire to blame <strong>someone </strong>for Newtown is also a primitive and instinctive desire, and I understand that. </p><p></p><p>It is easier and preferable to blame someone else and to focus all of our energy there. Then, we don't have to look at ourselves, our culture, our society and take any responsibility. And see what we need to do differently. </p><p></p><p>We can just blame Adam Lanza's mother, who is dead, and his father, who is still standing, imperfect and trying, it sounds like, to make all of this insanity mean something. </p><p></p><p>I wish we could all remember (including me) that only kindness matters. Kindness to ourselves first. Kindness to our difficult children, no matter what they are saying and doing and causing (physical distance really helps me be MUCH kinder, LOL). And kindness to others and toward others, especially those we don't know and will never know. Why do we assume the worst about them? </p><p></p><p>It seems to me that this man is trying to do something in his own small way to help. His own son, whom I am sure he loved so very much, has created a black cloud over the remaining members of this family that will never dissipate. He couldn't control what his son Adam did. Like we can't control what our difficult children do. </p><p></p><p>I don't know. I just feel compassion for all of them and of course, for those families who lost their own precious children. The whole thing is tragic. What can I learn from it? </p><p></p><p>What I am learning right now is that we just really, really, really, can't control somebody else. No matter what.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622061, member: 17542"] Thanks RE for that post. I, too, am struck by our desire to survive. That instinct is so primitive and so core in all of us, and I believe that is a hopeful thing to realize for our difficult children as well. I know some don't survive, but most do. They keep on, regardless. I am grateful for that instinct to survive that God has given all of us. I hope that instinct gives my son some armor out on the street. I have seen a lot of coverage on Peter Lanza in the past 36 hours. The rage and blame against him is shocking to me. The desire to blame [B]someone [/B]for Newtown is also a primitive and instinctive desire, and I understand that. It is easier and preferable to blame someone else and to focus all of our energy there. Then, we don't have to look at ourselves, our culture, our society and take any responsibility. And see what we need to do differently. We can just blame Adam Lanza's mother, who is dead, and his father, who is still standing, imperfect and trying, it sounds like, to make all of this insanity mean something. I wish we could all remember (including me) that only kindness matters. Kindness to ourselves first. Kindness to our difficult children, no matter what they are saying and doing and causing (physical distance really helps me be MUCH kinder, LOL). And kindness to others and toward others, especially those we don't know and will never know. Why do we assume the worst about them? It seems to me that this man is trying to do something in his own small way to help. His own son, whom I am sure he loved so very much, has created a black cloud over the remaining members of this family that will never dissipate. He couldn't control what his son Adam did. Like we can't control what our difficult children do. I don't know. I just feel compassion for all of them and of course, for those families who lost their own precious children. The whole thing is tragic. What can I learn from it? What I am learning right now is that we just really, really, really, can't control somebody else. No matter what. [/QUOTE]
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