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phone issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 751425" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>I've found whenever I had some sort of tie-in to something my son should be responsible for he was always at me with problems with it. The car, the living arrangements, food(because I agreed if he showed me receipts I would pay), education that he didn't even show up for and so on. When I no longer accepted the burden on my shoulders if it was important to him he found a way on his own to provide it for himself. </p><p></p><p>The phone was something I purposely let go of years ago. I had to really give it some thought because I knew my son would use not having a phone as an excuse to not have a job. I also was concerned that if there was an emergency he would need a phone and he was messing up plenty with self created emergencies back then. </p><p></p><p>My biggest problem with the phone was for me not to be able to keep tabs on him to lesson my worry about him. But by then I was well aware that he didn't answer the phone when he was up to something he shouldn't be or if he just didn't want to bother with the "bank of mom" at the moment. </p><p></p><p>But I also knew he really wanted to have a phone. And I felt it would a smaller expense for him to work towards financial responsibility. </p><p></p><p>There's been so much chaos and drama since then I vaguely remember he tried to convince me "I" was cutting his lifeline when I informed him I would not be buying him the next phone and told him by the way go ahead and get his own plan, prepaid or whatever. I did get blamed for him not being able to have contact with prospective employers at the time but stuck to my decision telling him he didn't seem to be able to have a job with a phone so maybe he'd do better without one. And I decided if he had a real emergency he was around enough people someone would call 911 for him. </p><p> </p><p>It's been at least 5 years. He's had a few different phone numbers since then but he's been able to make sure he's had a phone for the most part. He knows if he mistreats the phone that's on him. If he doesn't pay the bill that's also on him. He's been creative with some kind of online phoning when he doesn't have an actual phone along with making calls though facebook. He figures it out. </p><p></p><p>I wish I would have not put so much into cars either in the past. Somehow since I cut that money train off he's been able to afford a car on his own and take care of it, unlike when I was footing the bill. He no longer treats his car like a clown car laughing at whatever he does to it, letting it virtually fall apart, and letting anyone who wants to learn how to drive with it bounce it over curbs. He won't manhandle it or let anyone else manhandle it now that he has to keep up on repairs for it. </p><p></p><p>This is just what I have done. I know other people who provide phones and have their adult children on their phone plans, both creatively difficult children like ours and others who really just want to provide for them because it's cheaper for them on their phone plans.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 751425, member: 22840"] I've found whenever I had some sort of tie-in to something my son should be responsible for he was always at me with problems with it. The car, the living arrangements, food(because I agreed if he showed me receipts I would pay), education that he didn't even show up for and so on. When I no longer accepted the burden on my shoulders if it was important to him he found a way on his own to provide it for himself. The phone was something I purposely let go of years ago. I had to really give it some thought because I knew my son would use not having a phone as an excuse to not have a job. I also was concerned that if there was an emergency he would need a phone and he was messing up plenty with self created emergencies back then. My biggest problem with the phone was for me not to be able to keep tabs on him to lesson my worry about him. But by then I was well aware that he didn't answer the phone when he was up to something he shouldn't be or if he just didn't want to bother with the "bank of mom" at the moment. But I also knew he really wanted to have a phone. And I felt it would a smaller expense for him to work towards financial responsibility. There's been so much chaos and drama since then I vaguely remember he tried to convince me "I" was cutting his lifeline when I informed him I would not be buying him the next phone and told him by the way go ahead and get his own plan, prepaid or whatever. I did get blamed for him not being able to have contact with prospective employers at the time but stuck to my decision telling him he didn't seem to be able to have a job with a phone so maybe he'd do better without one. And I decided if he had a real emergency he was around enough people someone would call 911 for him. It's been at least 5 years. He's had a few different phone numbers since then but he's been able to make sure he's had a phone for the most part. He knows if he mistreats the phone that's on him. If he doesn't pay the bill that's also on him. He's been creative with some kind of online phoning when he doesn't have an actual phone along with making calls though facebook. He figures it out. I wish I would have not put so much into cars either in the past. Somehow since I cut that money train off he's been able to afford a car on his own and take care of it, unlike when I was footing the bill. He no longer treats his car like a clown car laughing at whatever he does to it, letting it virtually fall apart, and letting anyone who wants to learn how to drive with it bounce it over curbs. He won't manhandle it or let anyone else manhandle it now that he has to keep up on repairs for it. This is just what I have done. I know other people who provide phones and have their adult children on their phone plans, both creatively difficult children like ours and others who really just want to provide for them because it's cheaper for them on their phone plans. [/QUOTE]
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