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General Parenting
Picking up wee from school yet again.
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 341186" data-attributes="member: 701"><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">From an outside observer's perspective, it seems that Wee has very, very little wiggle room for being able to hold it together: a particular student in his class makes him mad, you keeping him home because sped teacher is gone and he can't cope, mainstream staff is gone and he can't cope, no one chooses him in gym class so he loses it/runs out/hits principal, staff isn't handling him like you would at home to keep him from becoming agitated, teacher corrects him in the lunch line and he overreacts, busy principal who is responsible for running the entire school invades his personal space to keep him safe and from destroying property and Wee loses it etc. Shari, I know from a parent's perspective how desperately you want everyone who comes into contact with him to be able to handle him, and how much you hope that what he encounters at school won't trip the trigger so that he can mature. But I agree with Sharon that expecting all of those who deal with Wee to constantly run interference for him and to respond in the exact right way not to tick him off isn't going to happen; to some degree, yes, it's reasonable, but it's an elementary school, not a highly controlled therapeutic setting and they are in no way equipped for the extremes. I have to wonder if continuing to send him to a school that isn't equipped staff-wise or environment-wise to provide the higher level of supports that he seems to need in order to remain stable and able to participate in school is really in his best interest. It doesn't seem fair to Wee to continue to send him back day after day to a setting where he's experienced so little sustained success in holding it together, and that likely doesn't have the resources to deal with his needs. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Personally I think that the principal did exactly the right thing in that situation. He had a student with a long history of being explosive and impulsive who was in his office banging a chair hard against the window. If he hadn't removed the chair immediately and Wee had instead broken through that window then he likely would have been faced with major safety and liability issues instead. In that situation I'm not going to stop and think what might happen if I invade this student's personal space. I'd act.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">A regular elementary school needs to provide a reasonable amount of services, but the truth is they can only do so much for one student. When I read back to your post of 1/31:</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31609" target="_blank"><span style="color: #2e2e2e">http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31609</span></a> </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">and see you're at the point of <em><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">"If I can't keep him from blowing, there's no point in sending him to the school staff."</span></em> and Wee continues to spend time at home when he should be at school, then something needs to change if this little guy is going to stabilize and get educated. If <strong>you've</strong> done what you reasonably can as a parent in terms of not leaving any stone unturned assessment-wise, therapy and medications, and if <strong>they've</strong> done what they reasonably can under their roof, then it's time to look beyond his current building to a more therapeutic setting where his needs can be met. The longer this cycle of Wee having extremely low tolerance and impulse control and the school having to send him home, the worse it is for him in terms of short and long-term stability. As Fran says, if you keep doing what you're doing, then you'll keep getting what you're getting. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Shari, knowing that this has been a repeating cycle, and having been a teacher myself, I'm going to venture an educated guess here that the school staff already knows darn well that they can't provide what Wee needs under their roof, and that their hands are tied because if the staff formally recommends anything else in the way of services then they are responsible for funding it. <strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">If they're sending Wee home because he can't be handled at school then they aren't fulfilling their role in providing him an appropriate education and they are handing you the legal leverage you need to push for an alternative setting.</span></strong> If they don't have one in their district, then they need to send him to a neighboring district or create one in district. If that's not feasible, then they need to pay for a residential setting wherever that might be. It's the law--and I personally know a family who with the help of an attorney forced our district to create a program for their student. He was the only student in the program that first year, but still the district was responsible for providing for his needs. Most of the time parents need outside paid professional help to make this happen, especially in cash-strapped districts. Don't expect them to offer to send him somewhere that's going to cost them big bucks. Most districts don't even mention those options, then wait until parents make the demand with the threat or help of legal backing.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Just my opinion, but if the school has done what they reasonably can under their roof (and honestly it sounds like they've done a lot) and Wee still continues to struggle without making lasting forward progress in being able to control himself, then it's time for you as a parent to move forward and start inquiring for alternatives. On the school end of things, maybe that's backing out of mainstream, bringing in outside professional consultants, or looking for alternative settings, but to continue to rely on staff handling him so he doesn't get ticked off isn';t a feasible plan for a student who has so many triggers. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On the home side of things, how long has it been since his medications have been revisited? </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">If you haven't kept a written log of all the times he's been out of class, or has been sent home, now's the time to start.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2e2e2e"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 341186, member: 701"] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]From an outside observer's perspective, it seems that Wee has very, very little wiggle room for being able to hold it together: a particular student in his class makes him mad, you keeping him home because sped teacher is gone and he can't cope, mainstream staff is gone and he can't cope, no one chooses him in gym class so he loses it/runs out/hits principal, staff isn't handling him like you would at home to keep him from becoming agitated, teacher corrects him in the lunch line and he overreacts, busy principal who is responsible for running the entire school invades his personal space to keep him safe and from destroying property and Wee loses it etc. Shari, I know from a parent's perspective how desperately you want everyone who comes into contact with him to be able to handle him, and how much you hope that what he encounters at school won't trip the trigger so that he can mature. But I agree with Sharon that expecting all of those who deal with Wee to constantly run interference for him and to respond in the exact right way not to tick him off isn't going to happen; to some degree, yes, it's reasonable, but it's an elementary school, not a highly controlled therapeutic setting and they are in no way equipped for the extremes. I have to wonder if continuing to send him to a school that isn't equipped staff-wise or environment-wise to provide the higher level of supports that he seems to need in order to remain stable and able to participate in school is really in his best interest. It doesn't seem fair to Wee to continue to send him back day after day to a setting where he's experienced so little sustained success in holding it together, and that likely doesn't have the resources to deal with his needs. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]Personally I think that the principal did exactly the right thing in that situation. He had a student with a long history of being explosive and impulsive who was in his office banging a chair hard against the window. If he hadn't removed the chair immediately and Wee had instead broken through that window then he likely would have been faced with major safety and liability issues instead. In that situation I'm not going to stop and think what might happen if I invade this student's personal space. I'd act.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]A regular elementary school needs to provide a reasonable amount of services, but the truth is they can only do so much for one student. When I read back to your post of 1/31: [URL='http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31609'][COLOR=#2e2e2e]http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31609[/COLOR][/URL] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]and see you're at the point of [I][FONT=Verdana]"If I can't keep him from blowing, there's no point in sending him to the school staff."[/FONT][/I] and Wee continues to spend time at home when he should be at school, then something needs to change if this little guy is going to stabilize and get educated. If [B]you've[/B] done what you reasonably can as a parent in terms of not leaving any stone unturned assessment-wise, therapy and medications, and if [B]they've[/B] done what they reasonably can under their roof, then it's time to look beyond his current building to a more therapeutic setting where his needs can be met. The longer this cycle of Wee having extremely low tolerance and impulse control and the school having to send him home, the worse it is for him in terms of short and long-term stability. As Fran says, if you keep doing what you're doing, then you'll keep getting what you're getting. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]Shari, knowing that this has been a repeating cycle, and having been a teacher myself, I'm going to venture an educated guess here that the school staff already knows darn well that they can't provide what Wee needs under their roof, and that their hands are tied because if the staff formally recommends anything else in the way of services then they are responsible for funding it. [B][FONT=Verdana]If they're sending Wee home because he can't be handled at school then they aren't fulfilling their role in providing him an appropriate education and they are handing you the legal leverage you need to push for an alternative setting.[/FONT][/B] If they don't have one in their district, then they need to send him to a neighboring district or create one in district. If that's not feasible, then they need to pay for a residential setting wherever that might be. It's the law--and I personally know a family who with the help of an attorney forced our district to create a program for their student. He was the only student in the program that first year, but still the district was responsible for providing for his needs. Most of the time parents need outside paid professional help to make this happen, especially in cash-strapped districts. Don't expect them to offer to send him somewhere that's going to cost them big bucks. Most districts don't even mention those options, then wait until parents make the demand with the threat or help of legal backing.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]Just my opinion, but if the school has done what they reasonably can under their roof (and honestly it sounds like they've done a lot) and Wee still continues to struggle without making lasting forward progress in being able to control himself, then it's time for you as a parent to move forward and start inquiring for alternatives. On the school end of things, maybe that's backing out of mainstream, bringing in outside professional consultants, or looking for alternative settings, but to continue to rely on staff handling him so he doesn't get ticked off isn';t a feasible plan for a student who has so many triggers. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]On the home side of things, how long has it been since his medications have been revisited? [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#2e2e2e][FONT=Verdana]If you haven't kept a written log of all the times he's been out of class, or has been sent home, now's the time to start.[/FONT][/COLOR] [/FONT][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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