Hi. I just know my own daughter. She would promise to do something just to get money, never pay it back, and never do what she said she would do in exchange. Again, just talking about my daughter. If she ever decides to quit using she will need to be inpatient. Does your son have a habit of saying what you want him to say and make promises he won't keep just before he hits you up for a "loan"? Has he ever paid back a loan? The past usually predicts the future.
If you decide to fork out $550, mail it directly to the landlord. We learned to NEVER send anything to Kay. She would blow it all on pot and cigarettes and sometimes make up and clothes, but she never gave it to whom it was supposed to go to.
I say the next part with a heavy heart. My daughter lies.If her lips are moving, she is lying, especially when she is trying to get us to hand over money. Or when giving us reasons she cant pay us back. Nobody was robbed as much as Kay (i i doubt she was ever really robbed).
For my daughter it is best not to hope for the best based on her promises. We don't believe them. She would have to actually show us her progress and she is 33 and it has not happened yet.
If your son wants to make changes, and you cant force him to do anything, he will do it without the $550 and without your attempt to get him to use 12 Step. If HE doesn't want to go, he won't.
Of course, you know your son. I just know how sneaky kids like my daughter can be and I know that the only person seeing any money we sent her would be the pot seller and maybe a liquor store cashier. Kay is an atheist who has laughed at 12 Step or anything h aving to do with God. But Kay doesn't think she is an addict. At least your son sort of admits it.
We learned to let Lee and Kay do it without our money. Finally. Took us long enough. Hurt us financially. Your son will survive without your money. It's up to you if you send it, expecially if he tries to talk you into sending money to him rather than a landlord. I don't think it will work out well, but will not judge you whatever you do. I get it. Much of what we do is for us, not them.
I do go faithfully to Al Anon and now believe in hands off. My husband agrees. It is on your son that he hasn't learned that there is no such thing as a geographical cure.
Meanwhile, in a new town with no good job resume why does he think he has a "great" opportunity? For what? Why? My therapist calls this magical thinking. Kay does it too. For no logical reason she will think something great is about to happen to her, but we have to invest, of course. Until recently, we always bought her hopeful stories. None came true. Ever. At all. We just became more broke.
We only emotionally supported Kay if she made a good decision so she doesn't call anymore. I'm ashamed to say I don't miss her constant complaining and asking for favors.
Be well.
