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Please help this grandmother with ADD advice.
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<blockquote data-quote="Sickntired" data-source="post: 123781" data-attributes="member: 3848"><p>I just wanted you to know I understand how you feel. I am raising my 14 year old grandson. The hardest thing I ever had to do was admit to myself that there were really problems beyond what I could solve. I don't know your granddaughter's symptoms, or behavior, but all I can tell you is to follow your gut instinct. In my case, I fought the school tooth and nail before we ever started getting to the bottom of this. Now that I look back, I always knew there were some problems with him, but we just worked around them, which solved nothing. My mother hen wings come out to cover him when I feel like someone else is being to hard on him. There were well meaning teachers but I just couldn't see, or didn't want to see, what they were talking about. Yes, he was active and busy, but weren't all children? Yes, he could not concentrate, but, he's only 6, yes, he does have a problem with authority and is oppositional, but he's spoiled, and so on and so on. It went on until things were finally going so bad at school that I had no choice. When he entered middle school, which is a huge change for children, things were terrible. I finally gave in and had him tested, academically and psychiatric. For him, he had so much emotional damage in the very early years of his life, before we took him, that it has left deep, deep scars. Things we cannot see. But knowledge is power, and I began researching things and finally began to understand a lot more about him. Then the teen years and hormones set in and we have been on a roller coaster ride ever since. This young man can be perfectly fine in someone else's home. I get nothing but compliments about his behavior from everyone that he stays with overnight or visits. But in reality, that is not how he behaves on a day to day basis with the usual turns and twists of family life. I hate medicine and I hate medicating him, but I now know it is in his best interest. It is the best chance he has of being able to function in an acceptable manner. It doesn't cure his problems, it only smooths him out enough to be able to make better choices. And as I have said in other posts, it is hard to understand something you can't see. All we see is the result of his problems, which comes out in his behavior. His doctor told me, "if you cut off your head, how well do you think the rest of your body would work?" I still have people in my family, very close people, who believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, that we should just be harder on him, or love him more or yada, yada, yada. If loving him more would make him well, he would have been well a long time ago. I spent the majority of his younger years feeling sorry for him for the things that happened to him and that accomplished nothing except putting blinders on my face so that I didn't face the facts. </p><p></p><p>This is something you must sort out for yourself. I know for myself, I protected him to the point I wouldn't see what was in front of my eyes, and that is a mistake I will regret for a long time. I also know that I can't be the only one that wants this for him, he has to finally want it, enough to work for it. An unhealthy home life can certainly lead to behavior problems. They are like sponges, they absorb everything. Some children can let those things go, and others can't. It builds and builds and comes out in their behavior. Either way, I would encourage you to keep an open mind. Best of luck and trust your instincts!!</p><p></p><p> <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/flowers.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":flowers:" title="flowers :flowers:" data-shortname=":flowers:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sickntired, post: 123781, member: 3848"] I just wanted you to know I understand how you feel. I am raising my 14 year old grandson. The hardest thing I ever had to do was admit to myself that there were really problems beyond what I could solve. I don't know your granddaughter's symptoms, or behavior, but all I can tell you is to follow your gut instinct. In my case, I fought the school tooth and nail before we ever started getting to the bottom of this. Now that I look back, I always knew there were some problems with him, but we just worked around them, which solved nothing. My mother hen wings come out to cover him when I feel like someone else is being to hard on him. There were well meaning teachers but I just couldn't see, or didn't want to see, what they were talking about. Yes, he was active and busy, but weren't all children? Yes, he could not concentrate, but, he's only 6, yes, he does have a problem with authority and is oppositional, but he's spoiled, and so on and so on. It went on until things were finally going so bad at school that I had no choice. When he entered middle school, which is a huge change for children, things were terrible. I finally gave in and had him tested, academically and psychiatric. For him, he had so much emotional damage in the very early years of his life, before we took him, that it has left deep, deep scars. Things we cannot see. But knowledge is power, and I began researching things and finally began to understand a lot more about him. Then the teen years and hormones set in and we have been on a roller coaster ride ever since. This young man can be perfectly fine in someone else's home. I get nothing but compliments about his behavior from everyone that he stays with overnight or visits. But in reality, that is not how he behaves on a day to day basis with the usual turns and twists of family life. I hate medicine and I hate medicating him, but I now know it is in his best interest. It is the best chance he has of being able to function in an acceptable manner. It doesn't cure his problems, it only smooths him out enough to be able to make better choices. And as I have said in other posts, it is hard to understand something you can't see. All we see is the result of his problems, which comes out in his behavior. His doctor told me, "if you cut off your head, how well do you think the rest of your body would work?" I still have people in my family, very close people, who believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, that we should just be harder on him, or love him more or yada, yada, yada. If loving him more would make him well, he would have been well a long time ago. I spent the majority of his younger years feeling sorry for him for the things that happened to him and that accomplished nothing except putting blinders on my face so that I didn't face the facts. This is something you must sort out for yourself. I know for myself, I protected him to the point I wouldn't see what was in front of my eyes, and that is a mistake I will regret for a long time. I also know that I can't be the only one that wants this for him, he has to finally want it, enough to work for it. An unhealthy home life can certainly lead to behavior problems. They are like sponges, they absorb everything. Some children can let those things go, and others can't. It builds and builds and comes out in their behavior. Either way, I would encourage you to keep an open mind. Best of luck and trust your instincts!! :flowers: [/QUOTE]
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