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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 644235" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Shan, I have found that over time with close dysfunctional family dynamics we begin what I call a script. It is a dialogue that is completely circular, doesn't have any solution or positive outcome it is simply a way for one or both parties to let off steam or throw their negative energy outward as opposed to having it sit within them. You are likely the "catcher" the one all the negativity gets volleyed to. You've likely played this script with your husband and your kids. </p><p></p><p>What the catcher usually doesn't recognize is that you have all the power. Simply stop catching the nonsense. Stop playing your role in the script. Once you effectively do that, as you've done tonight with your husband, they may up the ante to engage you by doing even more outrageous tactics, but I have found that "refraining" works. Step away. Do not engage. It has been said that when you engage with "crazy" you too become crazy. Don't engage. That is setting a boundary by stating you will not play this destructive game where it is intended to belittle you, blame you, manipulate you, make you feel small........all so the "other" can feel the glow of being 'better than'........It is a game, it's a win/lose, it has a name, it is called "gotcha." Step out of the script. Changing how we respond changes everything.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 644235, member: 13542"] Shan, I have found that over time with close dysfunctional family dynamics we begin what I call a script. It is a dialogue that is completely circular, doesn't have any solution or positive outcome it is simply a way for one or both parties to let off steam or throw their negative energy outward as opposed to having it sit within them. You are likely the "catcher" the one all the negativity gets volleyed to. You've likely played this script with your husband and your kids. What the catcher usually doesn't recognize is that you have all the power. Simply stop catching the nonsense. Stop playing your role in the script. Once you effectively do that, as you've done tonight with your husband, they may up the ante to engage you by doing even more outrageous tactics, but I have found that "refraining" works. Step away. Do not engage. It has been said that when you engage with "crazy" you too become crazy. Don't engage. That is setting a boundary by stating you will not play this destructive game where it is intended to belittle you, blame you, manipulate you, make you feel small........all so the "other" can feel the glow of being 'better than'........It is a game, it's a win/lose, it has a name, it is called "gotcha." Step out of the script. Changing how we respond changes everything. [/QUOTE]
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