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Please keep this friendly and light...To spank or not to spank?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 591080" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I feel the way mutt explained it. I was spanked as a child. I also had the belt, used in rage until my difficult child mother was spent of her anger. Welts, unable to sit for a few days, the whole bit. Thankfully not more than a dozen times with the belt I'd say, plain spanking for corrective purposes far more frequently. My mother wasn't effective in instilling lessons this way as it was never teaching, it was always a punishment and way overused. I think because so many parents used both spanking and belts, I never felt abused then nor do I now in hindsight. I do know that because I knew all it did for me and my brother was instill deep rooted fear of personal harm for every little action, I often didn't do perfectly healthy kids things because I feared harm would come. For that reason, I never really went the spanking route with my kids.</p><p></p><p>difficult child probably had a half dozen spankings, short, open palm, through clothes, and when he would go to dash to traffic or something scary. I have no regrets about those incidents. I have once in my life lashed out in anger. difficult child was probably 6, I was largely pregnant. He was going through a stage (years long!) of rages and that particular day had been at his finest (sarc). He attempted to push me down a flight of stairs in our townhouse when I was gathering him to drive to a counselling appointment. Then in the car he reached from the back seat and grabbed the steering wheel to try to ram us into oncoming traffic. I was taught physical restraint (safely) at the counselling appointment where he ended up in the lobby (as usual) for refusal to participate and where I spent the appointment with the child therapist instead. Not positive developments when i was probably 8 months along for easy child. He was sent to his room back home and raged, trashed his room, smashing things and tossing furniture around and screaming and screaming. I thought he had calmed, walked in his room and he instantly raged and threw something (I forget what) at my stomach and called me a beeping B. (First time swearing) I snapped and slapped him across his face, not gently. I instantly recoiled at myself and he was stunned. He had bitten his lip when I came at him and it was bleeding a bit, which made me feel a ton worse ( I didn't hit him hard enough to cut his mouth, and used open palm, but either way, the hard face slap led to the cut lip). I remember stopping cold, walking out of the room without another word and collapsing in the hallway floor in racking sobs. I never spanked again for any reason, and obviously the actual slap never recurred. I scared myself so badly because in that moment of completely being overwhelmed, I had no control, gave it no thought and before I knew it, crossed every line I'd ever set for myself as instinctive. It was eye opening in the sense that I realized how truly out of control difficult child was often when he raged, hit, threw things, cursed me out, and couldn't stop himself. I was a grown easy child adult and I had snapped. I truly SAW difficult child that day, as the boy who didn't have the tools to self analyze and calm himself or realize in the heat of the moment how out of hand he was behaving. I finally realized that the remorse he always had after his rages was real. Previously I just thought it was his "get out of jail free" card and felt manipulated. I'd say that was the only silver lining that day, my insight into my difficult child which helped me be his mother immensely. I would however love that one day as my "life do over" moment, I would have walked right back out the door when he threw that item and called me that name.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smile.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smile:" title="smile :smile:" data-shortname=":smile:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 591080, member: 4264"] I feel the way mutt explained it. I was spanked as a child. I also had the belt, used in rage until my difficult child mother was spent of her anger. Welts, unable to sit for a few days, the whole bit. Thankfully not more than a dozen times with the belt I'd say, plain spanking for corrective purposes far more frequently. My mother wasn't effective in instilling lessons this way as it was never teaching, it was always a punishment and way overused. I think because so many parents used both spanking and belts, I never felt abused then nor do I now in hindsight. I do know that because I knew all it did for me and my brother was instill deep rooted fear of personal harm for every little action, I often didn't do perfectly healthy kids things because I feared harm would come. For that reason, I never really went the spanking route with my kids. difficult child probably had a half dozen spankings, short, open palm, through clothes, and when he would go to dash to traffic or something scary. I have no regrets about those incidents. I have once in my life lashed out in anger. difficult child was probably 6, I was largely pregnant. He was going through a stage (years long!) of rages and that particular day had been at his finest (sarc). He attempted to push me down a flight of stairs in our townhouse when I was gathering him to drive to a counselling appointment. Then in the car he reached from the back seat and grabbed the steering wheel to try to ram us into oncoming traffic. I was taught physical restraint (safely) at the counselling appointment where he ended up in the lobby (as usual) for refusal to participate and where I spent the appointment with the child therapist instead. Not positive developments when i was probably 8 months along for easy child. He was sent to his room back home and raged, trashed his room, smashing things and tossing furniture around and screaming and screaming. I thought he had calmed, walked in his room and he instantly raged and threw something (I forget what) at my stomach and called me a beeping B. (First time swearing) I snapped and slapped him across his face, not gently. I instantly recoiled at myself and he was stunned. He had bitten his lip when I came at him and it was bleeding a bit, which made me feel a ton worse ( I didn't hit him hard enough to cut his mouth, and used open palm, but either way, the hard face slap led to the cut lip). I remember stopping cold, walking out of the room without another word and collapsing in the hallway floor in racking sobs. I never spanked again for any reason, and obviously the actual slap never recurred. I scared myself so badly because in that moment of completely being overwhelmed, I had no control, gave it no thought and before I knew it, crossed every line I'd ever set for myself as instinctive. It was eye opening in the sense that I realized how truly out of control difficult child was often when he raged, hit, threw things, cursed me out, and couldn't stop himself. I was a grown easy child adult and I had snapped. I truly SAW difficult child that day, as the boy who didn't have the tools to self analyze and calm himself or realize in the heat of the moment how out of hand he was behaving. I finally realized that the remorse he always had after his rages was real. Previously I just thought it was his "get out of jail free" card and felt manipulated. I'd say that was the only silver lining that day, my insight into my difficult child which helped me be his mother immensely. I would however love that one day as my "life do over" moment, I would have walked right back out the door when he threw that item and called me that name. :smile: [/QUOTE]
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