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Please keep this friendly and light...To spank or not to spank?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 591101" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I don't believe in corporal punishment of children. And every reliable study I have seen have shown that it has more disadvantages than advantages and it has potential to cause harm while not being any more effective than other disciplining methods. All kinds of corporal punishment is also illegal there I live and I certainly agree with that law.</p><p></p><p>That of course doesn't mean that we weren't desperate enough to try corporal punishments with our difficult child. Those experiences made me even firmer believer that spanking and other corporal punishment isn't very good child disciplining method. And it certainly didn't work with our kid and we ended up with very bad situation with it. Still I do think that most kids don't get harmed with moderate and sensible corporal punishment, though I do believe there are better methods and corporal punishment is never necessary. </p><p></p><p>I myself haven't been spanked much. It was still legal when I was a young kid, but my parents were firm believers of libertarian child rearing in A. S. Neill's way. That doesn't mean that they would had been very good in executing those methods so I'm not at all sure how well that type of upbringing would had worked, had the parents been competent non-difficult children. With them being who they were, it wasn't much of the success and I did go to very different path with my own. I was spanked few times (three I think) by my grandmother when I spent longer periods of time with my grands. Didn't impress me much and I'm sorry to say I lost tons of respect for her because of that. i was also hit by one or two of my mom's husbands/boyfriends, but that was more abuse than any attempt to raise me up. Also my mom hit me few times when I was a teen, because I infuriated her so much, but again, that was her acting up, not discipline.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child I first tried corporal punishment when he was two, closer to three and easy child was under the way and there were some behaviours I felt I just had to get stopped before we would have a baby in mix. It wasn't a great success. He didn't stop those behaviours, just got sneakier with them. Some he did less often, but it didn't go as I had hoped for. The worst part was, that he lost tons of trust for me and husband. Looking back, that was unacceptable result of any disciplining method. Our second try was two or three years later with big safety issues. He was growing up and with freedom came the risks and he had lots of risky behaviours. We spanked him for those. Again didn't work. He in fact increased those behaviours in very oppositional way. We live in old farmhouse with all the outbuildings associated to that and at that time they were all still used for farming purposes. We also have a creek a 100 yard from our house and a major highway half mile away. So lots of unsafe places for a child. When he got caught in places that were forbidden from him, we spanked him and more than few times he went right back there after being spanked, even while us watching. Major oppositional behaviour. We stopped spanking him, because it only made things worse. Our third try was few years later, when difficult child school truancy issues were intolerable. After we had taken everything away from him and grounded him totally because of the issue and there was no other way to punish him more we tried spanking again. We did take him school every morning and if he ran away from school during a day, he got a spanking. He was very provocative during spankings and husband started to use belt and hit harder. It went way over our comfort limit and abusive and ended with one time difficult child accidentally hurting his arm/shoulder badly and husband and difficult child in ER for that. We would had been in major trouble with law and CPS had the ER doctors done as they should had and examined difficult child as they should have when child with suspicious injury comes in. But difficult child lying how he got the injury and likely husband being middle class and presenting well made them buy the story and miss that difficult child's behind was black and blue. We got off the hook with that one but were really shaken up with there we had ended up and made a major modification in how we approached difficult child's school issues and other bad behaviour. </p><p></p><p>Because of my experiences I would really think hard before using corporal punishment especially with difficult children. They do often not react normally to things and situation can easily either get worse or get totally out of hand as happened to us. husband and I really don't consider ourselves unloving, out of control or even quick-tempered people and still we ended up to very bad place with our very infuriating and oppositional child. </p><p></p><p>Our easy child has never been corporally punished in any way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 591101, member: 14557"] I don't believe in corporal punishment of children. And every reliable study I have seen have shown that it has more disadvantages than advantages and it has potential to cause harm while not being any more effective than other disciplining methods. All kinds of corporal punishment is also illegal there I live and I certainly agree with that law. That of course doesn't mean that we weren't desperate enough to try corporal punishments with our difficult child. Those experiences made me even firmer believer that spanking and other corporal punishment isn't very good child disciplining method. And it certainly didn't work with our kid and we ended up with very bad situation with it. Still I do think that most kids don't get harmed with moderate and sensible corporal punishment, though I do believe there are better methods and corporal punishment is never necessary. I myself haven't been spanked much. It was still legal when I was a young kid, but my parents were firm believers of libertarian child rearing in A. S. Neill's way. That doesn't mean that they would had been very good in executing those methods so I'm not at all sure how well that type of upbringing would had worked, had the parents been competent non-difficult children. With them being who they were, it wasn't much of the success and I did go to very different path with my own. I was spanked few times (three I think) by my grandmother when I spent longer periods of time with my grands. Didn't impress me much and I'm sorry to say I lost tons of respect for her because of that. i was also hit by one or two of my mom's husbands/boyfriends, but that was more abuse than any attempt to raise me up. Also my mom hit me few times when I was a teen, because I infuriated her so much, but again, that was her acting up, not discipline. With difficult child I first tried corporal punishment when he was two, closer to three and easy child was under the way and there were some behaviours I felt I just had to get stopped before we would have a baby in mix. It wasn't a great success. He didn't stop those behaviours, just got sneakier with them. Some he did less often, but it didn't go as I had hoped for. The worst part was, that he lost tons of trust for me and husband. Looking back, that was unacceptable result of any disciplining method. Our second try was two or three years later with big safety issues. He was growing up and with freedom came the risks and he had lots of risky behaviours. We spanked him for those. Again didn't work. He in fact increased those behaviours in very oppositional way. We live in old farmhouse with all the outbuildings associated to that and at that time they were all still used for farming purposes. We also have a creek a 100 yard from our house and a major highway half mile away. So lots of unsafe places for a child. When he got caught in places that were forbidden from him, we spanked him and more than few times he went right back there after being spanked, even while us watching. Major oppositional behaviour. We stopped spanking him, because it only made things worse. Our third try was few years later, when difficult child school truancy issues were intolerable. After we had taken everything away from him and grounded him totally because of the issue and there was no other way to punish him more we tried spanking again. We did take him school every morning and if he ran away from school during a day, he got a spanking. He was very provocative during spankings and husband started to use belt and hit harder. It went way over our comfort limit and abusive and ended with one time difficult child accidentally hurting his arm/shoulder badly and husband and difficult child in ER for that. We would had been in major trouble with law and CPS had the ER doctors done as they should had and examined difficult child as they should have when child with suspicious injury comes in. But difficult child lying how he got the injury and likely husband being middle class and presenting well made them buy the story and miss that difficult child's behind was black and blue. We got off the hook with that one but were really shaken up with there we had ended up and made a major modification in how we approached difficult child's school issues and other bad behaviour. Because of my experiences I would really think hard before using corporal punishment especially with difficult children. They do often not react normally to things and situation can easily either get worse or get totally out of hand as happened to us. husband and I really don't consider ourselves unloving, out of control or even quick-tempered people and still we ended up to very bad place with our very infuriating and oppositional child. Our easy child has never been corporally punished in any way. [/QUOTE]
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