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Please keep this friendly and light...To spank or not to spank?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 591122" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Hound Dog: I used 'corporal punishment' because I wanted to include some other, culturally more common, types of punishment used for kids that produce small amount of pain. Spanking (as in swatting kid's behind with open hand or more mildly, with birch twig) is in fact considered rather extreme side of corporal punishment spectrum there I live and it hasn't been common in longest time. More mild forms of corporal punishments are still rather commonly used even though also they have been illegal about 30 years now. The most commonly used around here (according studies) is pulling hair and almost half of the mothers have done that at least once (father's use corporal punishment much less than mothers according to those studies) and almost 20 % pinch, when only about 5 % actually has spanked. The first corporal punishment I used with difficult child was also hair pulling (Taking piece of his hair back of his neck between my fingers and (rather gently) pulling or just keeping my hand still and letting him do the pulling part.) I also swated his hand or brow with one finger. No actual spanking when he was still so small. That we did tried first time in our second attempt of corporal punishment. </p><p></p><p>We of course always made sure difficult child knew why he was punished and he wasn't ever punished for something he didn't know was wrong before he did it. And I have to say we didn't have such a hot results with any punishments or other discipline strategy or in fact with anything. But corporal punishment gave us absolutely worst results and made difficult child just less trusting, more sneaky and oppositional. And when older, very provocative. Already during our second attempt when he was 5 or 6 and even more so the last when he was around 11 or 12.</p><p></p><p>You are right that emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse, but you have to remember that physical abuse is always also emotional abuse. But of course not all spanking is abusive. Even though I do agree with our laws that forbid it and even though our attempts with spanking ended up being abusive, I do believe that average child who lives in the culture where spanking is considered okay and is common and who is sensibly spanked by loving parents in culturally appropriate way and well raised in other ways (for example told what they did wrong, told what is a right way, taught to problem solve etc.) doesn't suffer much if they are spanked time to time. But I also believe that for certain type of children even sensible spanking can be harmful and I do believe that there are better disciplining methods than spanking.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 591122, member: 14557"] Hound Dog: I used 'corporal punishment' because I wanted to include some other, culturally more common, types of punishment used for kids that produce small amount of pain. Spanking (as in swatting kid's behind with open hand or more mildly, with birch twig) is in fact considered rather extreme side of corporal punishment spectrum there I live and it hasn't been common in longest time. More mild forms of corporal punishments are still rather commonly used even though also they have been illegal about 30 years now. The most commonly used around here (according studies) is pulling hair and almost half of the mothers have done that at least once (father's use corporal punishment much less than mothers according to those studies) and almost 20 % pinch, when only about 5 % actually has spanked. The first corporal punishment I used with difficult child was also hair pulling (Taking piece of his hair back of his neck between my fingers and (rather gently) pulling or just keeping my hand still and letting him do the pulling part.) I also swated his hand or brow with one finger. No actual spanking when he was still so small. That we did tried first time in our second attempt of corporal punishment. We of course always made sure difficult child knew why he was punished and he wasn't ever punished for something he didn't know was wrong before he did it. And I have to say we didn't have such a hot results with any punishments or other discipline strategy or in fact with anything. But corporal punishment gave us absolutely worst results and made difficult child just less trusting, more sneaky and oppositional. And when older, very provocative. Already during our second attempt when he was 5 or 6 and even more so the last when he was around 11 or 12. You are right that emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse, but you have to remember that physical abuse is always also emotional abuse. But of course not all spanking is abusive. Even though I do agree with our laws that forbid it and even though our attempts with spanking ended up being abusive, I do believe that average child who lives in the culture where spanking is considered okay and is common and who is sensibly spanked by loving parents in culturally appropriate way and well raised in other ways (for example told what they did wrong, told what is a right way, taught to problem solve etc.) doesn't suffer much if they are spanked time to time. But I also believe that for certain type of children even sensible spanking can be harmful and I do believe that there are better disciplining methods than spanking. [/QUOTE]
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