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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 427040" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>This may be appropriate with younger children, but with adult children, particularly ones with a track record of manipulative behavior, I think it's a slippery slope (and perhaps that falls into the "according to the facts of the situation"). I have to say that the phrase "find excuses for the behavior" hits an especially sore spot for me.... because "excuses for the behavior" is exactly what drives me NUTS about my adult difficult children ... they tend to have all kind of excuses for their behavior, and want to blame everyone but themselves. I will make no excuses for them. I will take into account their mental disorders as a *reason* for their behavior.. but never an "excuse." </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I would agree with this... this is detachment. Their mistakes are their own, not mine. It's something I struggle with.. not to take their mistakes personally and let myself suffer because of them. For me, however, this doesn't come from giving them the benefit of the doubt, it comes from letting them own their own problems and consequences of their behaviors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 427040, member: 1157"] This may be appropriate with younger children, but with adult children, particularly ones with a track record of manipulative behavior, I think it's a slippery slope (and perhaps that falls into the "according to the facts of the situation"). I have to say that the phrase "find excuses for the behavior" hits an especially sore spot for me.... because "excuses for the behavior" is exactly what drives me NUTS about my adult difficult children ... they tend to have all kind of excuses for their behavior, and want to blame everyone but themselves. I will make no excuses for them. I will take into account their mental disorders as a *reason* for their behavior.. but never an "excuse." I would agree with this... this is detachment. Their mistakes are their own, not mine. It's something I struggle with.. not to take their mistakes personally and let myself suffer because of them. For me, however, this doesn't come from giving them the benefit of the doubt, it comes from letting them own their own problems and consequences of their behaviors. [/QUOTE]
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