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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 427630" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Allan,</p><p>Your theory is applicable - to a degree, and mostly only with PCs or perhaps very young difficult children. You state your adult children are "very much pcs". Do you believe they attained this status because of positive thinking? I would have believed that at one time, too.</p><p> </p><p>The benefit of the doubt rarely works with a full blown difficult child. Very small example: I opened a checking account for my difficult child when she was a junior in HS. She had a babysitting job and was required to bank 1/2 of her paycheck for college books, a car or some other big expense. The rest was hers to do as she pleased. In ohio, an adult must bea joint account holder and I thought that teaching her to manage checking/atm at that age was a good idea.</p><p> </p><p>I Showed her how to balance with the register and assumed all was well. She overdrew but bank did not impose penalty. I explained that there would be a penality if there was a next time and created an excel sheet she could use from her laptop that auotmatically subtracted withdrawls and added depoosits. She overdrew, claiming something outlandish enough for me to let it slide. Benefit of the doubt, but I made her pay the fee. She overdrew again. I made her pay the fee again and told her - next time - the account would be closed. She did it again, and I closed it.</p><p> </p><p>When she went to college, she needed to open a checking account (she was 18). I fronted her the $50 from her savings (she'd not figured out she had access to this) with instructions she was to keep it as a baseline and not spend. She overdrew, wracked up $200 in fees and the bank closed the account.</p><p> </p><p>When she got a speedng ticket on her way home from college, I paid the $80 as she promised she'd send me her paycheck from her work study job. Not only did she never send it, she had been lying about the work/study.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I haven't loaned her as much as a nickle since ... and I will not. She eventually drained her savings on a hotel spree with a stranger she met on the internet. According to her dad (with whom she lives,rent free) she owes $80 in library fines $2,000 in student loans and a crazy amount to him.</p><p> </p><p>Benefit of the doubt? Maybe with a scared eight year old who may or may not have sent the baseball flying through the neighbor's garage window... but not with a difficult child. </p><p> </p><p>In retrospect, I should have closed the checking account after the second overdraft and told her she was on her own with the ticket.</p><p> </p><p>One thing I agree with y ou on, though, is acceptance. I accept that my daughter is not a easy child. I accept that she has many abilities that she can - some day - figure out how to tap into in a positive way. I make it a policy to not enable her, but to always always love what is.</p><p> </p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 427630, member: 9175"] Allan, Your theory is applicable - to a degree, and mostly only with PCs or perhaps very young difficult children. You state your adult children are "very much pcs". Do you believe they attained this status because of positive thinking? I would have believed that at one time, too. The benefit of the doubt rarely works with a full blown difficult child. Very small example: I opened a checking account for my difficult child when she was a junior in HS. She had a babysitting job and was required to bank 1/2 of her paycheck for college books, a car or some other big expense. The rest was hers to do as she pleased. In ohio, an adult must bea joint account holder and I thought that teaching her to manage checking/atm at that age was a good idea. I Showed her how to balance with the register and assumed all was well. She overdrew but bank did not impose penalty. I explained that there would be a penality if there was a next time and created an excel sheet she could use from her laptop that auotmatically subtracted withdrawls and added depoosits. She overdrew, claiming something outlandish enough for me to let it slide. Benefit of the doubt, but I made her pay the fee. She overdrew again. I made her pay the fee again and told her - next time - the account would be closed. She did it again, and I closed it. When she went to college, she needed to open a checking account (she was 18). I fronted her the $50 from her savings (she'd not figured out she had access to this) with instructions she was to keep it as a baseline and not spend. She overdrew, wracked up $200 in fees and the bank closed the account. When she got a speedng ticket on her way home from college, I paid the $80 as she promised she'd send me her paycheck from her work study job. Not only did she never send it, she had been lying about the work/study. I haven't loaned her as much as a nickle since ... and I will not. She eventually drained her savings on a hotel spree with a stranger she met on the internet. According to her dad (with whom she lives,rent free) she owes $80 in library fines $2,000 in student loans and a crazy amount to him. Benefit of the doubt? Maybe with a scared eight year old who may or may not have sent the baseball flying through the neighbor's garage window... but not with a difficult child. In retrospect, I should have closed the checking account after the second overdraft and told her she was on her own with the ticket. One thing I agree with y ou on, though, is acceptance. I accept that my daughter is not a easy child. I accept that she has many abilities that she can - some day - figure out how to tap into in a positive way. I make it a policy to not enable her, but to always always love what is. Dash [/QUOTE]
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