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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 427743"><p>A couple thoughts....</p><p></p><p>Dash - I totally get what you are saying about money and difficult children.... We have just started my easy child daughter almost 16 with an ATM card. We sat down and talked with her about the money she needs for various things (ie clothes, lunches, time with friends etc.) and we started her on a weekly amount that covers everything.... so now we only pay for household items and food etc. We did this so she will learn to manage money on her own etc. It was definitely a cooperative discussion..... and she is doing great with it. Of course one reason we can do this with her is that difficult child is out of the house.... we never would have done this with difficult child.... too much money to be used for no good!!! We didn't trust him and he is not responsible but now he is going to be forced to learn to manage money the hard way. She is doing very well with it so far.</p><p></p><p>And I do keep wondering specifically how on earth CPS would have worked with our difficult child. I mean really we tried a collaborative approach with him a lot and it never worked very well..... for example. Last year he was kicked out of the house for flagrantly violating all of our rules. A couple of months later he took some very positive steps for himself, did what he needed to do to get his hs diploma etc. So we let him come home but before he came home we said he would have to follow some rules and together we came up with an agreement of the rules. It was back and forth and worked on together!!! It was not long before he was violating all those rules again, flagrantly. We gave him chances, we tried to be understanding.... the thing is he kind of lived by the motto that rules are meant to be broken and for to find ways around. I am sorry but it is not reasonable to have no rules... society has rules. I was not talking about ridiculous strict rules, I am talking about basic rules of not breaknig the law and being responsible about driving OUR car. We got a call one night when he was stopped for driving 60 in a 30 mile hour zone and was a minor transporting alchol. So we are talking once again about flagrant difficult child violation. We are not talking about a easy child mistake. We ended up telling him once again he could not live here under these conditions. The rest is history I have written about elsewhere on the board.... but seriously given that situation how would CPS have helped us? I just don't see how we could have been any more understanding, or collaborative, or looking at he positives than we were. I agree with Hound Dog... there is negative feedback and it is there in society... and I think our son somehow felt that the rest of society would be as understanding as we were.... Uh no it does not work that way. I think it took two weeks in jail to really wake him up to that fact!!!</p><p></p><p>He is doing somewhat better at the moment, is back in town, is sober I think, is trying to get on his feet. And he has come to us for help.... and he is asking respectfully. We are willing to give him emotional support and some but limited financial help as long as he is taking positive steps and we are seeing the positive steps right now... having a job for one thing. The girlfriend is very nice and good for him we think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 427743"] A couple thoughts.... Dash - I totally get what you are saying about money and difficult children.... We have just started my easy child daughter almost 16 with an ATM card. We sat down and talked with her about the money she needs for various things (ie clothes, lunches, time with friends etc.) and we started her on a weekly amount that covers everything.... so now we only pay for household items and food etc. We did this so she will learn to manage money on her own etc. It was definitely a cooperative discussion..... and she is doing great with it. Of course one reason we can do this with her is that difficult child is out of the house.... we never would have done this with difficult child.... too much money to be used for no good!!! We didn't trust him and he is not responsible but now he is going to be forced to learn to manage money the hard way. She is doing very well with it so far. And I do keep wondering specifically how on earth CPS would have worked with our difficult child. I mean really we tried a collaborative approach with him a lot and it never worked very well..... for example. Last year he was kicked out of the house for flagrantly violating all of our rules. A couple of months later he took some very positive steps for himself, did what he needed to do to get his hs diploma etc. So we let him come home but before he came home we said he would have to follow some rules and together we came up with an agreement of the rules. It was back and forth and worked on together!!! It was not long before he was violating all those rules again, flagrantly. We gave him chances, we tried to be understanding.... the thing is he kind of lived by the motto that rules are meant to be broken and for to find ways around. I am sorry but it is not reasonable to have no rules... society has rules. I was not talking about ridiculous strict rules, I am talking about basic rules of not breaknig the law and being responsible about driving OUR car. We got a call one night when he was stopped for driving 60 in a 30 mile hour zone and was a minor transporting alchol. So we are talking once again about flagrant difficult child violation. We are not talking about a easy child mistake. We ended up telling him once again he could not live here under these conditions. The rest is history I have written about elsewhere on the board.... but seriously given that situation how would CPS have helped us? I just don't see how we could have been any more understanding, or collaborative, or looking at he positives than we were. I agree with Hound Dog... there is negative feedback and it is there in society... and I think our son somehow felt that the rest of society would be as understanding as we were.... Uh no it does not work that way. I think it took two weeks in jail to really wake him up to that fact!!! He is doing somewhat better at the moment, is back in town, is sober I think, is trying to get on his feet. And he has come to us for help.... and he is asking respectfully. We are willing to give him emotional support and some but limited financial help as long as he is taking positive steps and we are seeing the positive steps right now... having a job for one thing. The girlfriend is very nice and good for him we think. [/QUOTE]
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