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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 427883"><p>I've kept mum and just listened, but I have to finally say that I see very little merit in Allan's counsel. Not for any real difficult child in teens or post-18, anyway. By that time, the difficult child just continually and heartlessly exploits any attempt at "collaboration" or understanding as a mark of weakness--we all see and know this via constant experience--and seems to respect, if anything, only strength and very firm standards, rules, and especially outcomes. All of this counsel about punishment and rewards being counterproductive--I'm just wildly skeptical. By the teens, most difficult children have become very exploitative of any kind of privilege, assumption of honesty or effort or good will on their part, and to extend any more of it to them is simply feeding the fire and playing the chump. I know without the slightest doubt that this policy would've not only failed miserably with my nephew difficult child but would've made him still worse, if that was possible. I saw his mother try every sort of non-punitive understanding, assumption of his honesty and best effort, etc etc, and I saw him just cynically and exploitatively devour all of those generous impulses and grossly turn them toward his own ends. So colour me very, very skeptical--it all seems VERY pollyanna and counterproductive to me. YMMV, of course...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 427883"] I've kept mum and just listened, but I have to finally say that I see very little merit in Allan's counsel. Not for any real difficult child in teens or post-18, anyway. By that time, the difficult child just continually and heartlessly exploits any attempt at "collaboration" or understanding as a mark of weakness--we all see and know this via constant experience--and seems to respect, if anything, only strength and very firm standards, rules, and especially outcomes. All of this counsel about punishment and rewards being counterproductive--I'm just wildly skeptical. By the teens, most difficult children have become very exploitative of any kind of privilege, assumption of honesty or effort or good will on their part, and to extend any more of it to them is simply feeding the fire and playing the chump. I know without the slightest doubt that this policy would've not only failed miserably with my nephew difficult child but would've made him still worse, if that was possible. I saw his mother try every sort of non-punitive understanding, assumption of his honesty and best effort, etc etc, and I saw him just cynically and exploitatively devour all of those generous impulses and grossly turn them toward his own ends. So colour me very, very skeptical--it all seems VERY pollyanna and counterproductive to me. YMMV, of course... [/QUOTE]
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