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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 427945" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Quite a lot here so I think I will try and clarify </p><p></p><p>Before that it is possible to ask Ross Greene a question on his radio program " especially how to go problem solving a specific situation http:livesinthebalance.org - see blogtalk radio - tuesdays </p><p></p><p>The positive thinking is to help one wears the lenses - that these kids are lacking skills , the problem is not a question of making a kid ' wanna behave ' , so we need to be liberated emotionally to be able to be creative and understand that problems take many sessions to be solved . </p><p></p><p>Teens and above , respond better to a third party . Both with parents where there is plenty of emotional baggage the challenge is to get the kid talking. A kid does not want to talk is a problem to be solved . It is a process , first talking about general non-emotive stuff etc and then moving on - what future do you see for yourself , a plan etc </p><p></p><p>One might be able to manage a situation without really solving the underlying problem , but problems are not solved unless the concerns of the parties are taken into account , the skills needed or support is there and there is some type of relationship.</p><p></p><p>In situations where parents and their property are not safe , the kid should be out of the home and be getting help. Kicking a kid out of the home won't teach him skills he lacks. We need to ask what is getting in his way ?</p><p></p><p>Brain injury , problems - neuroscience talks about neuroplasticity - the more we use thinking , reflection , engage in the ' process of problem solving , the brain changes</p><p></p><p>Bank account problem - benefit of the doubt means she is not a criminal but lacks the skills to have an account , could be impulsivity , lack of organization , executive functions etc " the same goes for credit cards . Fines won't teach skills " you tried , at the moment she she is not ready .</p><p></p><p>Most kids start out in denial , not wanting to deal with the problem . Often the change comes from meeting someone that they connect with , admire in some way and feel understood </p><p></p><p>Negative feedback - one needs informational feedback how ones behavior is impacting on others and ones future . CPS means putting your concerns on the table and being assertive about it . Having a plan where your concerns are not being met is not Plan B</p><p></p><p>Toughlove " how would CPS have helped you - you would have got input from your son about his concerns , tried to understand what is getting in his way , you would have made a list of unsolved problems and start working on each one " hard work and messy </p><p></p><p>Mrsammler - I replied to you before " your relative was not doing cps , could be that she needed help from a third party or treatment center. The rules and consequences might be able to manage the situation when it place but it won't solve problems. When kids feel that there are being controlled and not understood by somebody is who is stronger than them or has more power , they play the game or in their own way they will show how very little control we have. If the rewards and punishments , rules and consequences don't work for the younger kids , for sure older kids will resist even more . The real influence we really have is our relationship. I have been here since 1999 , I have seen a lot here and elsewhere. </p><p></p><p>Prison system - recidivism " returning prisoners is high not because prison was not tough enough for them but because there is not enough support for them when they reenter society . People need help with skills , life skills, positive environment and support " the threat of prison won't teach them the lacking skills , give them support and help them change from the inside</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 427945, member: 10"] Quite a lot here so I think I will try and clarify Before that it is possible to ask Ross Greene a question on his radio program " especially how to go problem solving a specific situation http:livesinthebalance.org - see blogtalk radio - tuesdays The positive thinking is to help one wears the lenses - that these kids are lacking skills , the problem is not a question of making a kid ' wanna behave ' , so we need to be liberated emotionally to be able to be creative and understand that problems take many sessions to be solved . Teens and above , respond better to a third party . Both with parents where there is plenty of emotional baggage the challenge is to get the kid talking. A kid does not want to talk is a problem to be solved . It is a process , first talking about general non-emotive stuff etc and then moving on - what future do you see for yourself , a plan etc One might be able to manage a situation without really solving the underlying problem , but problems are not solved unless the concerns of the parties are taken into account , the skills needed or support is there and there is some type of relationship. In situations where parents and their property are not safe , the kid should be out of the home and be getting help. Kicking a kid out of the home won't teach him skills he lacks. We need to ask what is getting in his way ? Brain injury , problems - neuroscience talks about neuroplasticity - the more we use thinking , reflection , engage in the ' process of problem solving , the brain changes Bank account problem - benefit of the doubt means she is not a criminal but lacks the skills to have an account , could be impulsivity , lack of organization , executive functions etc " the same goes for credit cards . Fines won't teach skills " you tried , at the moment she she is not ready . Most kids start out in denial , not wanting to deal with the problem . Often the change comes from meeting someone that they connect with , admire in some way and feel understood Negative feedback - one needs informational feedback how ones behavior is impacting on others and ones future . CPS means putting your concerns on the table and being assertive about it . Having a plan where your concerns are not being met is not Plan B Toughlove " how would CPS have helped you - you would have got input from your son about his concerns , tried to understand what is getting in his way , you would have made a list of unsolved problems and start working on each one " hard work and messy Mrsammler - I replied to you before " your relative was not doing cps , could be that she needed help from a third party or treatment center. The rules and consequences might be able to manage the situation when it place but it won't solve problems. When kids feel that there are being controlled and not understood by somebody is who is stronger than them or has more power , they play the game or in their own way they will show how very little control we have. If the rewards and punishments , rules and consequences don't work for the younger kids , for sure older kids will resist even more . The real influence we really have is our relationship. I have been here since 1999 , I have seen a lot here and elsewhere. Prison system - recidivism " returning prisoners is high not because prison was not tough enough for them but because there is not enough support for them when they reenter society . People need help with skills , life skills, positive environment and support " the threat of prison won't teach them the lacking skills , give them support and help them change from the inside [/QUOTE]
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