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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 427960"><p>OK some of what you say makes sense..... sounds like though what you are really saying is that at this point you need a third party such as a therapist to help do the problem solving with you. I agree with that. Still means though that the young adult has to agree to do this work with you.... and therein lies the problem. If they are not willing you can't really get anywhere.</p><p></p><p>You can't work on problems or skills without their willingness and participation!!! And by this point the relationship may not be at a place to do this work.</p><p></p><p>At the point my son came back home he was not willing to do this really... and I am not sure he is really willing to do it now with us.</p><p></p><p>My hope is that the therapy he got while in rehab really helped him enough to start solving his own issues and taught him some skills.... I don't think kicking a kid to the curb, or going to prison teaches them the skills BUT it might get them to the point that they are willing to do the work to learn the skills. I know for me it is at that point where I can then offer support.</p><p></p><p>I think the problem Allan is you make it all sound so easy, if we just followed CPS the issues would be resolved.. I have seen no acknowledgement that you need cooperation from the young adult and that until you get that it won't work. It sounds like a good process for therapy but as a parent it feels pretty impractical and impossible with a young adult in the real world. But if the young adult is refusting therapy, feels that everything is fine if you would just get off their back, and by the way smoking pot relaxes me and so is good for me.... where is the starting point with that?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 427960"] OK some of what you say makes sense..... sounds like though what you are really saying is that at this point you need a third party such as a therapist to help do the problem solving with you. I agree with that. Still means though that the young adult has to agree to do this work with you.... and therein lies the problem. If they are not willing you can't really get anywhere. You can't work on problems or skills without their willingness and participation!!! And by this point the relationship may not be at a place to do this work. At the point my son came back home he was not willing to do this really... and I am not sure he is really willing to do it now with us. My hope is that the therapy he got while in rehab really helped him enough to start solving his own issues and taught him some skills.... I don't think kicking a kid to the curb, or going to prison teaches them the skills BUT it might get them to the point that they are willing to do the work to learn the skills. I know for me it is at that point where I can then offer support. I think the problem Allan is you make it all sound so easy, if we just followed CPS the issues would be resolved.. I have seen no acknowledgement that you need cooperation from the young adult and that until you get that it won't work. It sounds like a good process for therapy but as a parent it feels pretty impractical and impossible with a young adult in the real world. But if the young adult is refusting therapy, feels that everything is fine if you would just get off their back, and by the way smoking pot relaxes me and so is good for me.... where is the starting point with that? [/QUOTE]
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