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Poster child for Anger Management
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 278995" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>THE BEST anger management joke I've heard in forever........worth the read. </p><p> </p><p style="text-align: center">[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 18px"><strong>Anger Management for Rude People</strong></span>[/FONT]</p> <p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><em><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don't know!</span></span></em></span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #ff0000"><em>[When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you don't know ]</em></span></span></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A man answered, saying, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Hello.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I politely said, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again </span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You're a scumbag!</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> and </span></strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">hung up. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, </strong></span><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You're a scumbag!</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> It always cheered me up!</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">He yelled, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">NO!</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> and slammed the phone down.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I quickly called him back and said, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">That's because you're a scumbag!</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">For Sale</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> sign in his car window so I wrote down his number.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I said, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Yes, it is.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Can you tell me where I can see it?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">What's your name?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> I asked. </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">My name is Don Hanson</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> he said.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When's a good time to catch you, Don?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I'm home every evening after five.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Listen, Don, can I tell you something?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Yes?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Don, you're a scumbag.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call </span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1 </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Hello.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You're a scumbag!</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> (But I didn't hang up )</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Are you still there?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> he asked.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Yeah,</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> I said.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Stop calling me,</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> he screamed.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Make me,</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> I said.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Who are you?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> he asked.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">My name is Don Hanson.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Yeah? Where do you live?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">He said, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I said, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Then I called Scumbag #2.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Hello?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> he said.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Hello, scumbag,</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> I said.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">He yelled, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">If I ever find out who you are, I'll </span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You'll what?</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> I said.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I'll kick your ***,</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> he exclaimed.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I answered, </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.</strong></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.</strong></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong>There I saw two scumbags beating the **** out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.</strong></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><strong><span style="color: #ff0000"><em>Now I feel a lot better </em></span></strong></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 278995, member: 4964"] THE BEST anger management joke I've heard in forever........worth the read. [CENTER][FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=5][B]Anger Management for Rude People[/B][/SIZE][/FONT] [B][FONT=Arial][I][SIZE=4][COLOR=#0000ff]When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don't know![/COLOR][/SIZE][/I][/FONT][/B][/CENTER] [LEFT][B][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#ff0000][I][When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you don't know ][/I][/COLOR][/FONT][/B][/LEFT] [B][FONT=Arial]I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]A man answered, saying, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Hello.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]I politely said, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]You're a scumbag![/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] and [/FONT][/B][FONT=Arial]hung up. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, [/B][/FONT][B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]You're a scumbag![/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] It always cheered me up![/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]He yelled, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]NO![/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] and slammed the phone down.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]I quickly called him back and said, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]That's because you're a scumbag![/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]For Sale[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] sign in his car window so I wrote down his number.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]I said, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Yes, it is.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Can you tell me where I can see it?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]What's your name?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] I asked. [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]My name is Don Hanson[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] he said.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]When's a good time to catch you, Don?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]I'm home every evening after five.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Listen, Don, can I tell you something?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Yes?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Don, you're a scumbag.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1 [/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Hello.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]You're a scumbag![/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] (But I didn't hang up )[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Are you still there?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] he asked.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Yeah,[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] I said.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Stop calling me,[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] he screamed.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Make me,[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] I said.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Who are you?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] he asked.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]My name is Don Hanson.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Yeah? Where do you live?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]He said, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]I said, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Then I called Scumbag #2.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Hello?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] he said.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Hello, scumbag,[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] I said.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]He yelled, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]If I ever find out who you are, I'll [/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]You'll what?[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] I said.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]I'll kick your ***,[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][FONT=Arial] he exclaimed.[/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]I answered, [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][FONT=Arial]Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.[/FONT][FONT=Georgia][/FONT][/B] [B][FONT=Arial]Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.[/FONT][/B] [FONT=Arial][B]Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B]There I saw two scumbags beating the **** out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.[/B][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][B][COLOR=#ff0000][I]Now I feel a lot better [/I][/COLOR][/B][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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