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Practicing my Detachment Skills
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 358451" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I give my kids the open ear option but rarely offer advise. Usually just them unloading what they're thinking/feeling out loud is enough for them to work through something. And they come to their own conclusions without me ever saying anything much at all. The girls also do this for each other, so they're not just coming to me which is nice, because like I tell them I'm not going to be around forever. I do my utter best not to offer advice. It's their life, their relationships.</p><p></p><p>I can handle them unloading on me, better that in my opinion than Nichole diving off the deep end. lol But seriously that doesn't bother me as I'm fairly used to it. We have established lines that don't get crossed due to too much information, I had to be firm about that rule as that was getting to be waaay to much. There are some things mothers just don't need to know.</p><p></p><p>Evidently the kids went back to talking again last night. boyfriend wants to just forget anything ever happened at all and start fresh. Nichole understands that but also knows it's not healthy for him to try to sweep it all under the rug. boyfriend comes from a family that buries their heads in the sand and pretends nothing bad ever happens. He's gotten better over the years we've known him, but like I did tell Nichole it may time him a long while to unlearn that behavior.</p><p></p><p>It is rather nice that they got through this blow out with relatively little drama. I think they're both suffering some major growing pains thru this. They love each other. They do both want it to work. Guess we'll see.</p><p></p><p>I have noticed something quite profound though since they've gotten back together. Aubrey is on cloud 9. I'm not sure how to explain it because I have never seen her this way before. She is just happy through and through, content, settled. She's always been a happy kid, but she also reacts to her parents moods/behavior and has always been exceptionally sensitive to it. So even when she was happy, she'd be on edge/tense and I would consistently pick up on it. It was always like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. (sort of what we do) I haven't picked up on that from her in at least 2 weeks. It's nice. It is a big indicator of what is going on in the home. I think I've finally managed to drum it in to both kids that what they do and say around Aubrey affects her deeply and they have changed their behavior accordingly. I hope for Aubrey's sake it lasts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 358451, member: 84"] I give my kids the open ear option but rarely offer advise. Usually just them unloading what they're thinking/feeling out loud is enough for them to work through something. And they come to their own conclusions without me ever saying anything much at all. The girls also do this for each other, so they're not just coming to me which is nice, because like I tell them I'm not going to be around forever. I do my utter best not to offer advice. It's their life, their relationships. I can handle them unloading on me, better that in my opinion than Nichole diving off the deep end. lol But seriously that doesn't bother me as I'm fairly used to it. We have established lines that don't get crossed due to too much information, I had to be firm about that rule as that was getting to be waaay to much. There are some things mothers just don't need to know. Evidently the kids went back to talking again last night. boyfriend wants to just forget anything ever happened at all and start fresh. Nichole understands that but also knows it's not healthy for him to try to sweep it all under the rug. boyfriend comes from a family that buries their heads in the sand and pretends nothing bad ever happens. He's gotten better over the years we've known him, but like I did tell Nichole it may time him a long while to unlearn that behavior. It is rather nice that they got through this blow out with relatively little drama. I think they're both suffering some major growing pains thru this. They love each other. They do both want it to work. Guess we'll see. I have noticed something quite profound though since they've gotten back together. Aubrey is on cloud 9. I'm not sure how to explain it because I have never seen her this way before. She is just happy through and through, content, settled. She's always been a happy kid, but she also reacts to her parents moods/behavior and has always been exceptionally sensitive to it. So even when she was happy, she'd be on edge/tense and I would consistently pick up on it. It was always like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. (sort of what we do) I haven't picked up on that from her in at least 2 weeks. It's nice. It is a big indicator of what is going on in the home. I think I've finally managed to drum it in to both kids that what they do and say around Aubrey affects her deeply and they have changed their behavior accordingly. I hope for Aubrey's sake it lasts. [/QUOTE]
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