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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 731524" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Hello. I am not going to tell you what to do. I am going to tell you what AA and AlAnon says about this. An alcoholic has to learn that drinking has consequences. Why else would they ever want to quit drinking?</p><p></p><p>Your son's drinking has cost him his girlfriend and his ability to drive. And yet, he continues to drink. So far, the cost hasn't been high enough. His threats of suicide if she leaves him is emotional blackmail. It is a tool addicts use to manipulate others to get what they want.</p><p></p><p>When the cost of drinking is high enough, he will decide to quit. At that point, he can find rehabs, sober living facilities, and support groups on his own. It is his to do. It just takes a simple google search for a local AA meeting.</p><p></p><p>When my daughter finally got sober, she found the rehab facility herself and followed up with a year of sober living. All the times I sent her to rehabs didn't work because she really didn't want to get sober and quit using drugs.</p><p></p><p>The cats can go to a rescue group. Yes, it will hurt him to lose the cats but then again it will be one more consequence of his alcoholism.</p><p></p><p>I will say that my therapist used to tell me that my daughter was remarkably resourceful when she needed to be. When I finally stopped rescuing her from her behaviors, she stepped up and took care of herself.</p><p></p><p>Cosigning the apartment has put you in a difficult place. I get that. We cosigned an apartment for our daughter and she trashed the place. We lost the deposit but life went on. As RE said, we have all been where you are right now. We understand what you are going through and are just letting you know what we have learned along the way.</p><p></p><p>{{{hugs}}}</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p><p></p><p>ETA: I just reread your post and noticed that you said there was two months left on the lease. Since you cosigned, you will be responsible for rent whether he goes to rehab or not, right? So could you just pay the two months and tell your son he has that long to find a new place to live that will take cats? If he is working, he should be able to find something. At least this puts the problem on his shoulders. . . where it should be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 731524, member: 1967"] Hello. I am not going to tell you what to do. I am going to tell you what AA and AlAnon says about this. An alcoholic has to learn that drinking has consequences. Why else would they ever want to quit drinking? Your son's drinking has cost him his girlfriend and his ability to drive. And yet, he continues to drink. So far, the cost hasn't been high enough. His threats of suicide if she leaves him is emotional blackmail. It is a tool addicts use to manipulate others to get what they want. When the cost of drinking is high enough, he will decide to quit. At that point, he can find rehabs, sober living facilities, and support groups on his own. It is his to do. It just takes a simple google search for a local AA meeting. When my daughter finally got sober, she found the rehab facility herself and followed up with a year of sober living. All the times I sent her to rehabs didn't work because she really didn't want to get sober and quit using drugs. The cats can go to a rescue group. Yes, it will hurt him to lose the cats but then again it will be one more consequence of his alcoholism. I will say that my therapist used to tell me that my daughter was remarkably resourceful when she needed to be. When I finally stopped rescuing her from her behaviors, she stepped up and took care of herself. Cosigning the apartment has put you in a difficult place. I get that. We cosigned an apartment for our daughter and she trashed the place. We lost the deposit but life went on. As RE said, we have all been where you are right now. We understand what you are going through and are just letting you know what we have learned along the way. {{{hugs}}} ~Kathy ETA: I just reread your post and noticed that you said there was two months left on the lease. Since you cosigned, you will be responsible for rent whether he goes to rehab or not, right? So could you just pay the two months and tell your son he has that long to find a new place to live that will take cats? If he is working, he should be able to find something. At least this puts the problem on his shoulders. . . where it should be. [/QUOTE]
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