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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 731547" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Trying. Hi. I am worried about you.</p><p></p><p>My posts have been direct because of one thing: I am you.</p><p></p><p>Let me tell you a few ways i think we may be alike.</p><p></p><p>I can get so wound up in ifs, if this, if that--that I hyperventilate.</p><p></p><p>I build castles in the sky. That I have to furnish and defend. I have to buy insurance and pay utilities.</p><p></p><p>I can live so much in these imaginary horror stories that the person I am is neglected and abandoned. The real people and animals around me are neglected and abandoned. It gets so bad all I want to do is obliterate my thoughts and make my mind not exist.</p><p></p><p>I feel close to tears typing this because at root is a real grief and fear about my son, yes, but deeper still, in me.</p><p></p><p>I could say that this grief and fear comes from my childhood, but that would be a cop out.</p><p></p><p>Because the only parent in the room now is me. I am here. Can i be a parent to myself?</p><p></p><p>I have a chance to step up. For me. Or not.</p><p></p><p>It is not that our sons do not matter. But we do too. If we cannot or do not care first for us and listen to our needs, how can we really be there for them?</p><p></p><p>By this I do not mean self serving, narcissistic, or selfish. I mean locating myself in me.</p><p></p><p>Not in other people, things, fears, ideas, guilt, the future or past.</p><p></p><p>There are ways to learn how to get back to myself.</p><p></p><p>Tell us what you need. Tell us what hurts. You matter. You matter to us. But most of all, there is, can be, a way to matter to ourselves that is always there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 731547, member: 18958"] Trying. Hi. I am worried about you. My posts have been direct because of one thing: I am you. Let me tell you a few ways i think we may be alike. I can get so wound up in ifs, if this, if that--that I hyperventilate. I build castles in the sky. That I have to furnish and defend. I have to buy insurance and pay utilities. I can live so much in these imaginary horror stories that the person I am is neglected and abandoned. The real people and animals around me are neglected and abandoned. It gets so bad all I want to do is obliterate my thoughts and make my mind not exist. I feel close to tears typing this because at root is a real grief and fear about my son, yes, but deeper still, in me. I could say that this grief and fear comes from my childhood, but that would be a cop out. Because the only parent in the room now is me. I am here. Can i be a parent to myself? I have a chance to step up. For me. Or not. It is not that our sons do not matter. But we do too. If we cannot or do not care first for us and listen to our needs, how can we really be there for them? By this I do not mean self serving, narcissistic, or selfish. I mean locating myself in me. Not in other people, things, fears, ideas, guilt, the future or past. There are ways to learn how to get back to myself. Tell us what you need. Tell us what hurts. You matter. You matter to us. But most of all, there is, can be, a way to matter to ourselves that is always there. [/QUOTE]
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