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<blockquote data-quote="Christy" data-source="post: 148840" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>I agree that this is certainly the ideal situation but the big question is how do we get to that point with a difficult child? One assumes that there is an inner motivation to do the right thing and to please others, or that we gain personal satisfaction and fulfillment when we help someone in need. For all personality types, this is not always the case. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I do believe that my difficult child has a good heart and wants to please, but he is too driven by egocentricity and and overwhelming need for personal gain. He has poor impulse control and an inability to delay gratification. He does not do things just because they are right or forgo other things because he knows they are wrong. His decisions are driven by how the choice affects him at that vey moment. </p><p></p><p>For example, if I am in the room, he will ask for a doughnut and take one. If he is in the kitchen and I am upstairs, he will eat 5 doughnuts even though he is aware that we would disapprove. Worse yet -lol-is that he will take great pride in informing me that he ate 5 doughnuts while I was in the shower. At least he is honest, I suppose. While he will be disappointed in the following days because he will not have any doughnuts (having eaten them all), he does not think ahead.</p><p></p><p>Another issue we have is with the pets. He does not purposefully hurt them but may do so in an effort to control them. Petting the cat is not enough, he needs to lay on the cat keepig him in place and refusing to let him go. He says he is "hugging" the cat. He has been told point blank on many occasions that it is not acceptable to hold the cat against its will. At night, when he is in bed and we are downstairs we will hear thet cat wailing and discover that difficult child is holding the cat down in his bed. The only way we can avoid this situation is by keeping the cats locked in our bedroom until he falls asleep. </p><p></p><p>I guess the point I am trying to make is although my husband and I try to lead by example and often do caring things for others and model appropriate behavior. My son seems to have no internal control. No little voice that says, "Hey, should you be doing that?" He is not personally motivated to do the right thing and has no concern about the need for cooperation to be productive in society. </p><p></p><p>If there is a way to change this, I would love to know how. I think I was looking at the summary of that very book yesterday on amazon and if anyone has read it, I'd love to know you thoughts.</p><p>Christy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Christy, post: 148840, member: 225"] I agree that this is certainly the ideal situation but the big question is how do we get to that point with a difficult child? One assumes that there is an inner motivation to do the right thing and to please others, or that we gain personal satisfaction and fulfillment when we help someone in need. For all personality types, this is not always the case. Yes, I do believe that my difficult child has a good heart and wants to please, but he is too driven by egocentricity and and overwhelming need for personal gain. He has poor impulse control and an inability to delay gratification. He does not do things just because they are right or forgo other things because he knows they are wrong. His decisions are driven by how the choice affects him at that vey moment. For example, if I am in the room, he will ask for a doughnut and take one. If he is in the kitchen and I am upstairs, he will eat 5 doughnuts even though he is aware that we would disapprove. Worse yet -lol-is that he will take great pride in informing me that he ate 5 doughnuts while I was in the shower. At least he is honest, I suppose. While he will be disappointed in the following days because he will not have any doughnuts (having eaten them all), he does not think ahead. Another issue we have is with the pets. He does not purposefully hurt them but may do so in an effort to control them. Petting the cat is not enough, he needs to lay on the cat keepig him in place and refusing to let him go. He says he is "hugging" the cat. He has been told point blank on many occasions that it is not acceptable to hold the cat against its will. At night, when he is in bed and we are downstairs we will hear thet cat wailing and discover that difficult child is holding the cat down in his bed. The only way we can avoid this situation is by keeping the cats locked in our bedroom until he falls asleep. I guess the point I am trying to make is although my husband and I try to lead by example and often do caring things for others and model appropriate behavior. My son seems to have no internal control. No little voice that says, "Hey, should you be doing that?" He is not personally motivated to do the right thing and has no concern about the need for cooperation to be productive in society. If there is a way to change this, I would love to know how. I think I was looking at the summary of that very book yesterday on amazon and if anyone has read it, I'd love to know you thoughts. Christy [/QUOTE]
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