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Preparing for the world
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 148915" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>I agree, Allan. This is the aim.</p><p>But after many many years of trying to unlock the key to this in my difficult child, I have realized that he is simply not motivated to be a good person. It just doesn't matter to him. It's not important, it's not in his frame of reference.</p><p></p><p>I can talk with him forever about what it means to be a good person, to care about others and about the world, but the defiance and self-centredness continue unabated.</p><p></p><p>I have realized that the only thing that motivates my difficult child is seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. The thing he must do must be sufficiently pleasurable, or the consequence for it must be sufficiently grief-filled for him to behave appropriately. </p><p></p><p>Rewards and punishments have no effect, teaching him about being kind and empathetic toward others, has not made even the slightest dent. Modelling goodness and kindness, no effect either.</p><p></p><p>So...difficult child remains in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Assisted Living under 24/7-365 supervision. And still, with therapy and medications adjustments and interventions every day by a team of round-the-clock staff, on top of all the interventions husband and I have tried over the years before coming to this point, none of it has made the slightest impact on difficult child.</p><p></p><p>At this point, I honestly don't believe that difficult child will ever be prepared for the world, nor the world for him. So...until he shows himself to be otherwise, we protect them (difficult child and the world) from each other.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sad:" title="sad :sad:" data-shortname=":sad:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 148915, member: 3907"] I agree, Allan. This is the aim. But after many many years of trying to unlock the key to this in my difficult child, I have realized that he is simply not motivated to be a good person. It just doesn't matter to him. It's not important, it's not in his frame of reference. I can talk with him forever about what it means to be a good person, to care about others and about the world, but the defiance and self-centredness continue unabated. I have realized that the only thing that motivates my difficult child is seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. The thing he must do must be sufficiently pleasurable, or the consequence for it must be sufficiently grief-filled for him to behave appropriately. Rewards and punishments have no effect, teaching him about being kind and empathetic toward others, has not made even the slightest dent. Modelling goodness and kindness, no effect either. So...difficult child remains in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Assisted Living under 24/7-365 supervision. And still, with therapy and medications adjustments and interventions every day by a team of round-the-clock staff, on top of all the interventions husband and I have tried over the years before coming to this point, none of it has made the slightest impact on difficult child. At this point, I honestly don't believe that difficult child will ever be prepared for the world, nor the world for him. So...until he shows himself to be otherwise, we protect them (difficult child and the world) from each other. :sad: [/QUOTE]
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