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Privacy and going public....rewards and risks.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654517" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I tend to be open about my life anyway, but it never occurred to me that this place wasn't a safe place to talk about family issues I had. After all, it's for Conduct Disorders. I made the grave mistake of trusting my sister with my site. This was at a time when we were on again, off again, but never with this level of hostility. Indeed, it happened after she took up with this abusive boyfriend and I learned to state my mind and there was no thought, at the time, that either of those things would happen. You know, things change.</p><p></p><p>Although it did hurt me, it also let me know up close and personal who these people are and what I need to do about it. I consider that a plus. Anyone who would spy on you and laugh, who is older than twelve, in my opinion has issues far beyond maybe talking to each other about it. I have made a decision to post when I feel I need support since this is my go-to place and I do not give out enough information for anyone to know who anybody I talk about is. Myself? I don't care. But that's it. I am very certain that nobody in my community knows I post here, even if they read it.</p><p></p><p>Now I do have to say that if you are very private and don't like anyone to know anything about you, posting on any forum has a risk. Even Facebook is not foolproof. You can block somebody from your site, but, as I found out also, they can just get to your FB by using a totally different computer that has a different ISP. There is no privacy on the internet. I almost never post on FB, except to talk to my daughter at college or share adorable pictures. Most of it is about dog rescue.</p><p></p><p>My advice, if you wish to be totally incapable of being found out here is to stay off for a month or so then sign up again with a new name, a new location or no location, change the ages of your child a bit, give yourself an extra child, etc. etc. etc. There is no way to guarantee nobody will read this, but understand that I am very naive and way too trusting and should never have told somebody that I had such an on/again off/again relationship with about where I go to post. It wasn't smart of me.</p><p></p><p>In the end, I decided let them read. They may still read, they may not. I don't care. But I know not everyone feels this way.</p><p></p><p>The only way to be totally off everyeon's radar these days is to completely stay off the internet. And even then your name and address and even a map to your house will be there. I never gave anyone persmission to put any of that on the internet, but it is there. We are easier to find than we used to be.</p><p></p><p>There are no forums that are 100% safe. Anyone can go to a new computer, get a new ISP, a new name and read. Even if they are banned under a different name and computer. Yes, learned A LOT.</p><p></p><p>That is probably why we have so many lurkers who have decided they will learn by reading, not by sharing.</p><p></p><p>I hope you didn't get too scared. It is unlikely anyone you know would think to look you up in a Conduct Disorders site and without names, exact city names (Chicago area, for example, means little) or real identifying markers, people are pretty much unable to identify anybody, I feel.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with your decision. I realize it's a hard one. I thought about never posting here again, at least not my thoughts, so I know how you feel. Do what you feel is best so that you don't put anything extra on your plate. If you care about hundreds of strangers reading your posts, don't do it. I personally hope my experiences can help people and if they are strangers, that makes them safe people. I did change a few things and actually DO fudge a few details when I post. In the future, if I discuss any family stuff (like my kids) I will definitely change details around, even if the story is positive and fun like JUmper coming home soon from college (which is a GREAT thing!!!!). Or is she? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654517, member: 1550"] I tend to be open about my life anyway, but it never occurred to me that this place wasn't a safe place to talk about family issues I had. After all, it's for Conduct Disorders. I made the grave mistake of trusting my sister with my site. This was at a time when we were on again, off again, but never with this level of hostility. Indeed, it happened after she took up with this abusive boyfriend and I learned to state my mind and there was no thought, at the time, that either of those things would happen. You know, things change. Although it did hurt me, it also let me know up close and personal who these people are and what I need to do about it. I consider that a plus. Anyone who would spy on you and laugh, who is older than twelve, in my opinion has issues far beyond maybe talking to each other about it. I have made a decision to post when I feel I need support since this is my go-to place and I do not give out enough information for anyone to know who anybody I talk about is. Myself? I don't care. But that's it. I am very certain that nobody in my community knows I post here, even if they read it. Now I do have to say that if you are very private and don't like anyone to know anything about you, posting on any forum has a risk. Even Facebook is not foolproof. You can block somebody from your site, but, as I found out also, they can just get to your FB by using a totally different computer that has a different ISP. There is no privacy on the internet. I almost never post on FB, except to talk to my daughter at college or share adorable pictures. Most of it is about dog rescue. My advice, if you wish to be totally incapable of being found out here is to stay off for a month or so then sign up again with a new name, a new location or no location, change the ages of your child a bit, give yourself an extra child, etc. etc. etc. There is no way to guarantee nobody will read this, but understand that I am very naive and way too trusting and should never have told somebody that I had such an on/again off/again relationship with about where I go to post. It wasn't smart of me. In the end, I decided let them read. They may still read, they may not. I don't care. But I know not everyone feels this way. The only way to be totally off everyeon's radar these days is to completely stay off the internet. And even then your name and address and even a map to your house will be there. I never gave anyone persmission to put any of that on the internet, but it is there. We are easier to find than we used to be. There are no forums that are 100% safe. Anyone can go to a new computer, get a new ISP, a new name and read. Even if they are banned under a different name and computer. Yes, learned A LOT. That is probably why we have so many lurkers who have decided they will learn by reading, not by sharing. I hope you didn't get too scared. It is unlikely anyone you know would think to look you up in a Conduct Disorders site and without names, exact city names (Chicago area, for example, means little) or real identifying markers, people are pretty much unable to identify anybody, I feel. Good luck with your decision. I realize it's a hard one. I thought about never posting here again, at least not my thoughts, so I know how you feel. Do what you feel is best so that you don't put anything extra on your plate. If you care about hundreds of strangers reading your posts, don't do it. I personally hope my experiences can help people and if they are strangers, that makes them safe people. I did change a few things and actually DO fudge a few details when I post. In the future, if I discuss any family stuff (like my kids) I will definitely change details around, even if the story is positive and fun like JUmper coming home soon from college (which is a GREAT thing!!!!). Or is she? ;) [/QUOTE]
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