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Problems with 19 Year Old Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 496087" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>No matter what you did the outcome would not have been good. If you ignored it and let him stay home your daughter would be in the middle of a bad situation and who knows what would have happened after he drank three bottles of vodka. He was making threats of suicide and those should not be taken lightly. We called the police when our difficult child did that also. She had to understand that we took it seriously. How dare your son do that when he knew you had a trip planned and he agreed to the rules ahead of time. It just shows how serious his substance abuse is. He cannot control it and will make any promises he has to in order to continue using.</p><p></p><p>It is very important that you and your wife show a united front to him. If he thinks you are at all divided he will use that to his benefit. I think you and your wife should have a conference with his therapist for guidance on how to proceed. The sooner you get him into treatment the better. </p><p></p><p>Since he is 19 he can refuse to go but then he may have to find somewhere else to live. You have to be prepared to draw the line in the sand and stick to it even if he makes threats or you fear something bad happening. Something bad is already happening.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child did much the same. Promised everything we asked of her and then went right out and did her drinking/pot smoking. She couldn't stop. At one point she told us to give her her car and she would be out of our lives for good. Are you kidding me? We were not going to give her a weapon to use on the road.</p><p></p><p>You are going through a very difficult time and there is no good answer except to somehow get your son into treatment. That may mean he has to be homeless before he accepts that. But it is not fair to your daughter to have to live this way either.</p><p></p><p>I know the panic and confusion you feel. Whatever you do you are doing to help him so don't second guess yourself. I'm sorry your trip was ruined.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 496087, member: 59"] No matter what you did the outcome would not have been good. If you ignored it and let him stay home your daughter would be in the middle of a bad situation and who knows what would have happened after he drank three bottles of vodka. He was making threats of suicide and those should not be taken lightly. We called the police when our difficult child did that also. She had to understand that we took it seriously. How dare your son do that when he knew you had a trip planned and he agreed to the rules ahead of time. It just shows how serious his substance abuse is. He cannot control it and will make any promises he has to in order to continue using. It is very important that you and your wife show a united front to him. If he thinks you are at all divided he will use that to his benefit. I think you and your wife should have a conference with his therapist for guidance on how to proceed. The sooner you get him into treatment the better. Since he is 19 he can refuse to go but then he may have to find somewhere else to live. You have to be prepared to draw the line in the sand and stick to it even if he makes threats or you fear something bad happening. Something bad is already happening. Our difficult child did much the same. Promised everything we asked of her and then went right out and did her drinking/pot smoking. She couldn't stop. At one point she told us to give her her car and she would be out of our lives for good. Are you kidding me? We were not going to give her a weapon to use on the road. You are going through a very difficult time and there is no good answer except to somehow get your son into treatment. That may mean he has to be homeless before he accepts that. But it is not fair to your daughter to have to live this way either. I know the panic and confusion you feel. Whatever you do you are doing to help him so don't second guess yourself. I'm sorry your trip was ruined. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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