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Processing the loss after years of detachment.
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 373029" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I'm sorry to say that I didn't realize you lost your dad recently. My heartfelt condolences. </p><p>It's hard to lose a beloved parent but it is confusing to lose a difficult difficult child parent. I hated my dad most of my life. He was harsh, unloving, unappreciative and unnurturing. </p><p>After I left home, I had to sort of come to terms in order for the hole to not swallow my future as well as my past. I did make peace with the fact that most parents want something </p><p>better for their own children than what they had. I had more than my dad had. I didn't go hungry, had bill collectors at the door, had a pair of shoes to wear, a house to live in. He didn't drink, run around or was too physically abusive(harsh yes). I had it better than he had it as a kid. </p><p>Eventually, I could look at him with different eyes. Doesn't make the events that are painful go away but I grew up and understood better. I hope that you and your mom can reconcile and move on. She should enjoy everything she can and know she did a good job taking care of him. My mom divorced after 40 yrs of marriage and never spoke to him. I got the job, with my sibs of taking care of him for 3 yrs. Mom moved on. </p><p></p><p>Hopefully, you will find your own particular bit of peace. Again, my condolences.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 373029, member: 3"] I'm sorry to say that I didn't realize you lost your dad recently. My heartfelt condolences. It's hard to lose a beloved parent but it is confusing to lose a difficult difficult child parent. I hated my dad most of my life. He was harsh, unloving, unappreciative and unnurturing. After I left home, I had to sort of come to terms in order for the hole to not swallow my future as well as my past. I did make peace with the fact that most parents want something better for their own children than what they had. I had more than my dad had. I didn't go hungry, had bill collectors at the door, had a pair of shoes to wear, a house to live in. He didn't drink, run around or was too physically abusive(harsh yes). I had it better than he had it as a kid. Eventually, I could look at him with different eyes. Doesn't make the events that are painful go away but I grew up and understood better. I hope that you and your mom can reconcile and move on. She should enjoy everything she can and know she did a good job taking care of him. My mom divorced after 40 yrs of marriage and never spoke to him. I got the job, with my sibs of taking care of him for 3 yrs. Mom moved on. Hopefully, you will find your own particular bit of peace. Again, my condolences. [/QUOTE]
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Processing the loss after years of detachment.
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