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General Parenting
Punishments: What works/what doesnt?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 371683" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Comaheart - I have to say I understand where your husband is coming from. It's pretty surreal to have a kid who just refuses to comply with such a *simple* social rule - don't steal. We're not talking rocket science here, you know? I think your husband is just reacting with anger and frustration... but his idea of consequences I don't think are going to be successful. Discipline based on the parent's anger and frustration just doesn't work, in my experience (been there done that, LOL). Not being on the same page is tough on a marriage - maybe give him the opportunity to calm down a bit and then sit down with him to come up with- a plan together?</p><p></p><p>With difficult child's inability to grasp this very simple rule, I think I would make his world very very small. No more going to stores. I would make it for a set time - a month, 6 weeks, whatever you think is appropriate. Then very slowly allow him more freedom, aka the opportunity to prove to you that he can be trusted again. Personally, if theft occurs again, I would strongly encourage the victim to press charges. Your son is 14 - I don't think it's unreasonable for him to experience "real world" consequences. Sometimes they make far more of an impact than anything we can do at home.</p><p></p><p>You also need to lock up anything at home you don't want stolen - I know it's a total pain in the neck, but sometimes the only thing we can do is remove the opportunity. </p><p></p><p>At the same time, I'm wondering where things stand in terms of his depression and treatment. Is he still in therapy/on medications?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 371683, member: 8"] Comaheart - I have to say I understand where your husband is coming from. It's pretty surreal to have a kid who just refuses to comply with such a *simple* social rule - don't steal. We're not talking rocket science here, you know? I think your husband is just reacting with anger and frustration... but his idea of consequences I don't think are going to be successful. Discipline based on the parent's anger and frustration just doesn't work, in my experience (been there done that, LOL). Not being on the same page is tough on a marriage - maybe give him the opportunity to calm down a bit and then sit down with him to come up with- a plan together? With difficult child's inability to grasp this very simple rule, I think I would make his world very very small. No more going to stores. I would make it for a set time - a month, 6 weeks, whatever you think is appropriate. Then very slowly allow him more freedom, aka the opportunity to prove to you that he can be trusted again. Personally, if theft occurs again, I would strongly encourage the victim to press charges. Your son is 14 - I don't think it's unreasonable for him to experience "real world" consequences. Sometimes they make far more of an impact than anything we can do at home. You also need to lock up anything at home you don't want stolen - I know it's a total pain in the neck, but sometimes the only thing we can do is remove the opportunity. At the same time, I'm wondering where things stand in terms of his depression and treatment. Is he still in therapy/on medications? [/QUOTE]
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