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Question for those who's difficult child is doing better
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 315462" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Hi Moonglow. It's nice to hear how well difficult child is doing. </p><p>Truthfully, the fact he cuts the grass and does the trim is pretty impressive. Especially for a 7th grader who has to work at keeping things together.</p><p></p><p>Maybe the goal is to help him learn steps to being independent. How to load a dishwasher, how to clean his room. This is a biggie for my difficult child because cleaning it doesn't have a specific chore. The plan is trash in trashcan, laundry in hamper, books and entertainment stuff where it belongs. After getting that much done, vacuuming a small area like his room is not so huge a task. Be very specific about the steps to completing a chore. </p><p>I think teaching him to clean a bathroom(don't expect that to go over big) do dishes, take out trash without being told, etc are all good things to start on. </p><p></p><p>My thinking has always been, if I disappeared am I preparing him to handle life? He now pours his medications for a week at a time, call the pharmacy for refills and picks them up. I have nothing to do with them. He didn't really understand why he had to learn it. I told him if I died then he would have to know what to do. He was ok with that explanation. If your difficult child is anxious about death or loss then I wouldn't be so blunt. </p><p></p><p>As with any parent and any child our job is to help them learn the steps to adulthood and independence in a gradual natural way. It also teaches that every member contributes to the family's functioning. Approaching it in a way that makes it something <em>he needs and will feel proud of</em> goes a lot farther then difficult child thinking "mom is lazy and doesn't want to do it so she forces me to do it". This will be a guaranteed oppositional response to learning independence. </p><p></p><p>I also caution to do small things. Maybe only one or two easy chores a night. One bigger one on the weekend. You don't want to create a lot of anxiety and frustration. Make it fun, offer him rewards, and keep the goal of teaching responsibility when he is an adult in mind. </p><p></p><p>This is my way of looking at it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 315462, member: 3"] Hi Moonglow. It's nice to hear how well difficult child is doing. Truthfully, the fact he cuts the grass and does the trim is pretty impressive. Especially for a 7th grader who has to work at keeping things together. Maybe the goal is to help him learn steps to being independent. How to load a dishwasher, how to clean his room. This is a biggie for my difficult child because cleaning it doesn't have a specific chore. The plan is trash in trashcan, laundry in hamper, books and entertainment stuff where it belongs. After getting that much done, vacuuming a small area like his room is not so huge a task. Be very specific about the steps to completing a chore. I think teaching him to clean a bathroom(don't expect that to go over big) do dishes, take out trash without being told, etc are all good things to start on. My thinking has always been, if I disappeared am I preparing him to handle life? He now pours his medications for a week at a time, call the pharmacy for refills and picks them up. I have nothing to do with them. He didn't really understand why he had to learn it. I told him if I died then he would have to know what to do. He was ok with that explanation. If your difficult child is anxious about death or loss then I wouldn't be so blunt. As with any parent and any child our job is to help them learn the steps to adulthood and independence in a gradual natural way. It also teaches that every member contributes to the family's functioning. Approaching it in a way that makes it something [I]he needs and will feel proud of[/I] goes a lot farther then difficult child thinking "mom is lazy and doesn't want to do it so she forces me to do it". This will be a guaranteed oppositional response to learning independence. I also caution to do small things. Maybe only one or two easy chores a night. One bigger one on the weekend. You don't want to create a lot of anxiety and frustration. Make it fun, offer him rewards, and keep the goal of teaching responsibility when he is an adult in mind. This is my way of looking at it. [/QUOTE]
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