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Question: What has life been like for you after the difficult child era is over?
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 544708" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I'm still figuring all that out, RE, but here are my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>The biggest thing for me has been learning who I am as a separate individual, apart from being a difficult child's mom. Not just who I am, but what I want for myself, out of life. Oh I know the answers to the easy parts of that: I want to do what I want to do, when and where I want to do it, and spend my own money on me, without having to take anyone else's drama or impending crisis into account. I'm doing that, for sure. I run two social groups via Meetup that keep me crazy busy. I'm seeing movies and concerts, going out to dinner, taking trips, etc. I've kinda thrown myself into a social life on overdrive. I have an incredibly fun and funny circle of close friends, which is the best part of all of it. I'm finding however, that all I've done really is create a diferent kind of chaos around myself. One I can control, and one that is fun, but isn't really addressing the question of 'what do I do now? ' except in a very superficial way (close friends aside). I'm not doing any 'nesting' around my house, even though there's plenty I could do: paint, new curtains, new furniture, organizing, etc. I just don't feel like doing it. I love down time at home, but I don't spend a lot of time there. I also don't feel like focusing on what I've always said I would do once all was done: write. I've yet to put my office back together. </p><p></p><p>My therapist tells me that she thinks I'm not doing those things, and still feel unsettled, because part of me is 'waiting for Youngest to move back in.' She said I'm living as though the chaos could descend again any minute. I think she's right. After years, decades even, of living with the dread of another crisis around the bend, it's hard to relax. I don't trust the (relative) calm. It's like I'm waiting to be sure it's real. </p><p></p><p>So, I'm still in a transition phase, I think. Don't get me wrong, I'm thoroughly enjoying my life socially, but something is still missing.. something isn't quite right, yet. Life is good, but not quite good enough. It's funny that as much as we hate the chaos of life with a difficult child, we grow so used to it that once it's gone, there's this big hole that's difficult to fill with 'normalcy.' We've adjusted our sense of 'normal' for so long that we have to redefine it, really. I'm getting there &#8230;. but think I'm going to have to push myself a bit. And luckily I have an awesome therapist who pushes me,too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 544708, member: 1157"] I'm still figuring all that out, RE, but here are my thoughts. The biggest thing for me has been learning who I am as a separate individual, apart from being a difficult child's mom. Not just who I am, but what I want for myself, out of life. Oh I know the answers to the easy parts of that: I want to do what I want to do, when and where I want to do it, and spend my own money on me, without having to take anyone else's drama or impending crisis into account. I'm doing that, for sure. I run two social groups via Meetup that keep me crazy busy. I'm seeing movies and concerts, going out to dinner, taking trips, etc. I've kinda thrown myself into a social life on overdrive. I have an incredibly fun and funny circle of close friends, which is the best part of all of it. I'm finding however, that all I've done really is create a diferent kind of chaos around myself. One I can control, and one that is fun, but isn't really addressing the question of 'what do I do now? ' except in a very superficial way (close friends aside). I'm not doing any 'nesting' around my house, even though there's plenty I could do: paint, new curtains, new furniture, organizing, etc. I just don't feel like doing it. I love down time at home, but I don't spend a lot of time there. I also don't feel like focusing on what I've always said I would do once all was done: write. I've yet to put my office back together. My therapist tells me that she thinks I'm not doing those things, and still feel unsettled, because part of me is 'waiting for Youngest to move back in.' She said I'm living as though the chaos could descend again any minute. I think she's right. After years, decades even, of living with the dread of another crisis around the bend, it's hard to relax. I don't trust the (relative) calm. It's like I'm waiting to be sure it's real. So, I'm still in a transition phase, I think. Don't get me wrong, I'm thoroughly enjoying my life socially, but something is still missing.. something isn't quite right, yet. Life is good, but not quite good enough. It's funny that as much as we hate the chaos of life with a difficult child, we grow so used to it that once it's gone, there's this big hole that's difficult to fill with 'normalcy.' We've adjusted our sense of 'normal' for so long that we have to redefine it, really. I'm getting there …. but think I'm going to have to push myself a bit. And luckily I have an awesome therapist who pushes me,too. [/QUOTE]
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Question: What has life been like for you after the difficult child era is over?
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