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Question: What has life been like for you after the difficult child era is over?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 544734" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I'm not sure if I should comment at all; I'm still far from the point you are. My difficult child is still young and I'm not even that detached, nevertheless my difficult child era is over. But I have had my first taste of it. My difficult child has been living out of home close to year and a half and most of his crisis are someone else's headaches as my sig say. He doesn't bring most of his problems to me any more. And before he left he almost monopolized my time and thoughts, both with the difficult child issues and just being a sport (and music) parent. But he is not a start all, end all of my difficult child era. That began much earlier.</p><p></p><p>I started my career as crisis manager before I could walk or talk. My parents were difficult children on their own right and nothing good ever came from them being in the same room (well, I do kind of enjoy existing and if I wouldn't exist world would be missing one rather awesome boy and another who is special in his own way.) "Mind the Baby", was a powerful tool in that household in those early days. And when I learned to talk and walk, I of course became much more efficient. My parents divorce didn't chance much, my mother was very good at making up crisis in her own, she didn't need my fathers help. And I was the one who got an honour to clear them up. I still remember when I was negotiating with her third husband about splitting the assets when I was 10. My mother thought I was depressingly small-minded, she didn't want anything from 'that monster' (if I remember correctly the guy wasn't too fond of my mom keeping few lovers in side) and would 'rather live in streets than accept anything from him.' I didn't. But anyway, my difficult child era has been long and difficult children have always been part of my life. While my mom has unfortunately passed away, my father lives (even though he is not much part of my life) and of course my difficult child is there. </p><p></p><p>Some of the things I'm experiencing are common empty nest things, even if my difficult child would had been easy child he would had taken most of my time and attention. We have always split our kids hobbies and everything we need to do for them with my husband and after difficult child left most of the things I spent my time left with him and things I did for my easy child have very much ceased and I have found my self with lot of time to do my own things. I have done a lot of things I always thought I would love to do. I have certainly enjoyed that crisis are much fewer now. But I have also found myself bored.</p><p></p><p>I'm much too young to just sit knitting and reading books. I have almost half of my life left (statically) and I feel very odd without my lifelong career in crisis management. It feels like nothing happens (I so hoped that for years, but...) Peace and quiet feel empty and boring. Just an idea of rest of my life waking up, running with dogs, going to work (I do enjoy it, but it's not a passion), coming home, cooking a dinner, taking dogs for the walk , reading, working on garden or something similar, watching tv, going to bed, just feels so boring and empty. I'm so used to unpredictable that I don't know how to live without it.</p><p></p><p>I find it interesting both of you are thinking of using your time to self expression and art. That is something I too find myself thinking about at times. And though my father is somewhat successful artist, I don't have an artistic bone in me. I was an awful disappointment to my parents, while they sneered at anything middle class, they did give me very middle class art education, it was just something you had to do. And they really scorned my bourgeois attempts that told more about dutiful training than any talent. I of course have passed on that suffering and made my boys to sit through their piano lessons (well, not necessarily piano, but same anyway.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 544734, member: 14557"] I'm not sure if I should comment at all; I'm still far from the point you are. My difficult child is still young and I'm not even that detached, nevertheless my difficult child era is over. But I have had my first taste of it. My difficult child has been living out of home close to year and a half and most of his crisis are someone else's headaches as my sig say. He doesn't bring most of his problems to me any more. And before he left he almost monopolized my time and thoughts, both with the difficult child issues and just being a sport (and music) parent. But he is not a start all, end all of my difficult child era. That began much earlier. I started my career as crisis manager before I could walk or talk. My parents were difficult children on their own right and nothing good ever came from them being in the same room (well, I do kind of enjoy existing and if I wouldn't exist world would be missing one rather awesome boy and another who is special in his own way.) "Mind the Baby", was a powerful tool in that household in those early days. And when I learned to talk and walk, I of course became much more efficient. My parents divorce didn't chance much, my mother was very good at making up crisis in her own, she didn't need my fathers help. And I was the one who got an honour to clear them up. I still remember when I was negotiating with her third husband about splitting the assets when I was 10. My mother thought I was depressingly small-minded, she didn't want anything from 'that monster' (if I remember correctly the guy wasn't too fond of my mom keeping few lovers in side) and would 'rather live in streets than accept anything from him.' I didn't. But anyway, my difficult child era has been long and difficult children have always been part of my life. While my mom has unfortunately passed away, my father lives (even though he is not much part of my life) and of course my difficult child is there. Some of the things I'm experiencing are common empty nest things, even if my difficult child would had been easy child he would had taken most of my time and attention. We have always split our kids hobbies and everything we need to do for them with my husband and after difficult child left most of the things I spent my time left with him and things I did for my easy child have very much ceased and I have found my self with lot of time to do my own things. I have done a lot of things I always thought I would love to do. I have certainly enjoyed that crisis are much fewer now. But I have also found myself bored. I'm much too young to just sit knitting and reading books. I have almost half of my life left (statically) and I feel very odd without my lifelong career in crisis management. It feels like nothing happens (I so hoped that for years, but...) Peace and quiet feel empty and boring. Just an idea of rest of my life waking up, running with dogs, going to work (I do enjoy it, but it's not a passion), coming home, cooking a dinner, taking dogs for the walk , reading, working on garden or something similar, watching tv, going to bed, just feels so boring and empty. I'm so used to unpredictable that I don't know how to live without it. I find it interesting both of you are thinking of using your time to self expression and art. That is something I too find myself thinking about at times. And though my father is somewhat successful artist, I don't have an artistic bone in me. I was an awful disappointment to my parents, while they sneered at anything middle class, they did give me very middle class art education, it was just something you had to do. And they really scorned my bourgeois attempts that told more about dutiful training than any talent. I of course have passed on that suffering and made my boys to sit through their piano lessons (well, not necessarily piano, but same anyway.) [/QUOTE]
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