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<blockquote data-quote="DS3" data-source="post: 472874" data-attributes="member: 12441"><p>Alright, I admit. I visit web sites to find quotes to make me laugh. Here's some from this morning. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Enjoy!</p><p></p><p>"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." ~Albert Einstein</p><p></p><p>"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?" ~Unknown</p><p></p><p>"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?" ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets" ~Al McGuire</p><p></p><p>"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away." ~Unknown</p><p></p><p>"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." ~Jerry Seinfeld</p><p></p><p>"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress." ~George W Bush</p><p></p><p>"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." ~Jack Handey</p><p></p><p>"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad." ~Dave Berry</p><p></p><p>"You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up." ~Unknown</p><p></p><p>"Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." ~Unknown</p><p></p><p>"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." ~Robin Williams</p><p></p><p>"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." ~Bryan White</p><p></p><p>"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." ~Unknown</p><p></p><p>"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you." ~unknown</p><p></p><p>"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in." ~Tommy Cooper</p><p></p><p>"I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend" ~Jack Handy</p><p></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/bigsmile.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":bigsmile:" title="big smile :bigsmile:" data-shortname=":bigsmile:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DS3, post: 472874, member: 12441"] Alright, I admit. I visit web sites to find quotes to make me laugh. Here's some from this morning. :) Enjoy! "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." ~Albert Einstein "Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?" ~Unknown "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." ~unknown "Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?" ~unknown "Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever." ~unknown "I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it." ~unknown "A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." ~unknown "The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets" ~Al McGuire "There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away." ~Unknown "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." ~unknown "Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." ~unknown "Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." ~Jerry Seinfeld "I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress." ~George W Bush "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." ~Jack Handey "He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame." ~unknown "What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad." ~Dave Berry "You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up." ~Unknown "Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil." ~unknown "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." ~Unknown "You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." ~Robin Williams "The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." ~unknown "We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." ~Bryan White "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." ~Unknown "I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you." ~unknown "It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in." ~Tommy Cooper "I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend" ~Jack Handy :bigsmile: [/QUOTE]
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