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Failure to Thrive
Radical Compassion
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 682303" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You know my self-concept is this. But when my son changed, I became angry and frantic. Reactive. Terrified.</p><p></p><p>Looking back, I think I feared I had lost him and with that, I had lost myself.</p><p></p><p>Today my son said something like this: <em>I am trying to not walk back and forth so as to not bother you. Am I achieving my goal or is it still bothersome? </em></p><p></p><p>I was so grateful to him. More than that, I felt my son was back. It settled something deep inside of me.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what has happened, if this is all an act or he took a Dale Carnegie course or he hit bottom or developed brain cells, or what.</p><p>I do not know what to think about this.</p><p></p><p>You see, I believed I was doing right the whole time until everything went off the tracks. Looking back I think I did good enough. Not as good as I could have done, but as good as I could do, which was good enough.</p><p></p><p>There is never more than this. To pretend that there is does not help. Of course there are other parents who do not have difficult children, but that does not mean they did any better than did I. Even if they choose to present this as a fact.</p><p></p><p>If that were the case, that there are degrees of good enough and better parenting, and the proof of the pudding is in the eating, now that my son seems (for now) better able to control himself, less hostile, working harder, cooperating more, more self-reflective and caring--I could join those "successful" parents. We have them here on the board, too, one or two, who seem to need or want to evaluate or even judge.</p><p></p><p>I do not want to and I will not go there.</p><p></p><p>There by the grace of G-d go I. I went there and I am surviving the trip back. I hope.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 682303, member: 18958"] You know my self-concept is this. But when my son changed, I became angry and frantic. Reactive. Terrified. Looking back, I think I feared I had lost him and with that, I had lost myself. Today my son said something like this: [I]I am trying to not walk back and forth so as to not bother you. Am I achieving my goal or is it still bothersome? [/I] I was so grateful to him. More than that, I felt my son was back. It settled something deep inside of me. I do not know what has happened, if this is all an act or he took a Dale Carnegie course or he hit bottom or developed brain cells, or what. I do not know what to think about this. You see, I believed I was doing right the whole time until everything went off the tracks. Looking back I think I did good enough. Not as good as I could have done, but as good as I could do, which was good enough. There is never more than this. To pretend that there is does not help. Of course there are other parents who do not have difficult children, but that does not mean they did any better than did I. Even if they choose to present this as a fact. If that were the case, that there are degrees of good enough and better parenting, and the proof of the pudding is in the eating, now that my son seems (for now) better able to control himself, less hostile, working harder, cooperating more, more self-reflective and caring--I could join those "successful" parents. We have them here on the board, too, one or two, who seem to need or want to evaluate or even judge. I do not want to and I will not go there. There by the grace of G-d go I. I went there and I am surviving the trip back. I hope. COPA [/QUOTE]
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