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re: How do you discipline your children?
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 426542" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Back when the kids were small, someone (with kids, who heard it from someone with kids...) said:</p><p> </p><p>If you're struggling with behavior in your child, go look in the mirror and ask <u>yourself</u> what <u>you</u> need to change.</p><p> </p><p>Now that they are teens... it seems to be the only thing that works.</p><p> </p><p>Others on this thread have stated similar approaches... We have essentially tossed out the rule book, and replaced it with expectations. When expectations are not met (e.g. respect), we discuss what happened, why it doesn't meet the "respect" criteria, and what could have been done differently. Note: discuss, not lecture. a.k.a. Plan B. Beyond that - we try to be at least 10 steps ahead of the kids. husband is better at that than I am, so he does the forward thinking and I work on the implementation plans. We've been working on summer plans for 2 months now... </p><p> </p><p>Keep them busy with positive stuff. Figure out WHERE the behavior is coming from (we couldn't, for a long time, until we got "the book"...). Mitigate triggers. Teach alternate responses. Get help (OK, that one is hard... because the help that is available is not always the help you need, and you definitely can't always get help at the point in time you really need it - but ... it still pays to have help). We're fortunate to have 2 kids and 2 parents - when things get really tough, husband takes one and I take the other - sometimes for a whole day.</p><p> </p><p>We either discipline ourselves, and in the process model for our kids how to discipline themselves... or wear ourselves out trying to apply external discipline (punishments, rewards, etc.)</p><p> </p><p>But then... my two are "atypical" for atypical kids - really. Hard to get diagnosis, because they are "atypical" on everything! The only outside advice that has been of benefit is The Explosive Child (and its companion, Lost in School), and "Raising your Spirited Child" (which is for normal-range but atypical kids...).</p><p> </p><p>neighbors? family? school? They just don't get it at all!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 426542, member: 11791"] Back when the kids were small, someone (with kids, who heard it from someone with kids...) said: If you're struggling with behavior in your child, go look in the mirror and ask [U]yourself[/U] what [U]you[/U] need to change. Now that they are teens... it seems to be the only thing that works. Others on this thread have stated similar approaches... We have essentially tossed out the rule book, and replaced it with expectations. When expectations are not met (e.g. respect), we discuss what happened, why it doesn't meet the "respect" criteria, and what could have been done differently. Note: discuss, not lecture. a.k.a. Plan B. Beyond that - we try to be at least 10 steps ahead of the kids. husband is better at that than I am, so he does the forward thinking and I work on the implementation plans. We've been working on summer plans for 2 months now... Keep them busy with positive stuff. Figure out WHERE the behavior is coming from (we couldn't, for a long time, until we got "the book"...). Mitigate triggers. Teach alternate responses. Get help (OK, that one is hard... because the help that is available is not always the help you need, and you definitely can't always get help at the point in time you really need it - but ... it still pays to have help). We're fortunate to have 2 kids and 2 parents - when things get really tough, husband takes one and I take the other - sometimes for a whole day. We either discipline ourselves, and in the process model for our kids how to discipline themselves... or wear ourselves out trying to apply external discipline (punishments, rewards, etc.) But then... my two are "atypical" for atypical kids - really. Hard to get diagnosis, because they are "atypical" on everything! The only outside advice that has been of benefit is The Explosive Child (and its companion, Lost in School), and "Raising your Spirited Child" (which is for normal-range but atypical kids...). neighbors? family? school? They just don't get it at all! [/QUOTE]
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